


The Nightmare Unraveled

by 234am



Category: Final Fantasy VII, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Blood and Gore, Dreams and Nightmares, Ensemble Cast, Flashbacks, Horror, M/M, Surreal, Trans Male Character, background Cid/Shera, background Vincent/Lucrecia, post kh3d
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-04-30 06:50:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 62,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14491230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/234am/pseuds/234am
Summary: Awake or dreaming, wrapped up in the memory of you-- is it over?Or: reality fractures, dumping Cid into the endless nightmare of a lover long dead.





	1. a nightmare to remember

**Author's Note:**

> As this is a horror story, expect unsettling imagery and unpleasant topics to be touched upon. Nothing explicit. I'll put specific warnings in chapter notes, but if you need other tags added, please let me know.

Dusk settled over Radiant Garden, the sky streaked with purple and the light gone soft and cool. Cid paced the length of the Bailey, frowning over broken down rubble yet to be cleared away. The Restoration Committee could only do so much with so few members, and some of their honorary members hadn't been back in a long time to pitch in.

Since no one was around to scold him, Cid pulled a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from the sash at his waist. He tapped one out and lit up, exhaling blue-grey smoke from his nose.

The problem with the Bailey being in such a disarray was that it made some of the Claymores go haywire and get stuck in the area. Their programming couldn't handle the uneven, random surfaces. Cid hadn't yet figured out how to fix it, which meant he either needed this section to be repaired or he'd have to reduce the range of the Claymores.

Ever since Sora's last visit, the heartless roaming the world were few in number. That didn't mean they could let their guard down, though. If a resurgence happened once, it could happen again.

Cid wished, not for the first time, that communication between worlds was easier. They had a pretty reliable line of connection to Disney Castle, but Queen Minnie didn't have much news to give. Merlin, cryptic and lackadaisical as ever, only shrugged when asked if he'd heard anything from Yen Sid. They had no way of knowing if the danger was over, if Sora had sealed the Darkness away and found his way home with his friends. No way of knowing much of anything, really, except that Radiant Garden was mostly clear of heartless and the weird white nobodies were gone.

Chewing on the filter, Cid stared out towards the castle. People were coming back. Not the ones he hoped for, but ones that knew enough about heartless and nobodies and the whole shebang to make themselves useful. Cid didn't much care for trusting the ones holed up in the castle, but he wasn't in charge anymore. Leon took that job grudgingly but he performed admirably. The former nobodies were hard at work restoring the castle and researching more foolproof ways to ensure the world could never fall to darkness again.

In the meantime, though, Cid really needed to figure out the Claymore situation. He kicked a loose piece of stone, hands on his hips. Even if they did repair the Bailey, they would eventually need to extend the range of the Claymores to cover everything from the town to the castle itself.

He finished his cigarette, stubbed the butt out against a wall, and took it with him to hide it in the bottom of a trash bin later. Even if he no longer had three brats to look after, it seemed like he was always having to act fatherly and set a good example for new ones. Never knew when Sora and his friends would be back to stare in doe-eyed horror if they caught him doing anything worse than chewing on a toothpick.

Cid returned to his home, roughly a block away from Merlin's. It was quiet and dark, cluttered with schematics and spare parts but very few items of sentimental value. Only a couple photographs, of him and the kids, first sullen in Traverse Town, then beaming and hopeful as they started the Restoration Committee.

He kicked his boots off by the door, slung his goggles on the hook on the wall, and went to turn all the lights on. His route ended in the kitchen, with him crouched in front of the wood burning stove to get a fire started. With that done, he filled the kettle in the sink, then set it on the burner.

While he waited for the water to boil, he dragged his chair over to his computer in the corner. It was smaller than the one at Merlin's, with less power, but he used it for coding and testing in an enclosed environment. It'd be damn stupid to test things live and find the Claymores gone haywire again.

Lines of green code flickered on the little screen. Cid bent over the keyboard, finding likely spots to embroider the code. The kettle whistled just as he finished closing off the final bracket, so he ran it through simulations while he got up to fix the tea.

Of course the test was a failure. The Claymores jittered across the map, clustering in corners, trying to go straight to their destination without taking into account things like walls. Cid shook his head, blowing on the surface of his tea.

"Damn stupid buggers..."

The rest of his night went much the same way. He was alone and focused, the emptiness of his house a distant melancholy. Through a quick dinner of a ham sandwich and more tea, Cid tried again and again to figure out how to make the Claymores do what he wanted. Again and again, he failed.

He gave up late in the night, when his vision had gotten too blurry to focus, a sharp headache pulsing behind his eyes. Cid shut the computer down, cleaned up his dishes, and went to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw something move in the dingy little mirror above the bathroom sink. Cid started, whirling to face where the shadow should have been. The bathroom was empty. Nothing hiding behind the shower curtain. Nothing in the hall outside, either.

Heart thudding, Cid squinted at the mirror, tapping the edges. Nothing. Perhaps his tired mind played tricks on him.

"Ah, hell. Get it together, Highwind.”

Sighing, he brushed his teeth. Then he stumbled through the house, turning all but the light by his bed off. That one stayed on all through the night, warding off the darkness that haunted him ever since Radiant Garden first fell.

Cid dropped face first into the bed, dragging the blankets up to his ears. He laid there for a long time, feeling the chill of an empty bed, before he finally managed to drift into restless sleep.

Bright sunlight shining in his face woke him late the next morning. Cid groaned, feeling run over, and rolled out of bed to drink some cold, leftover tea while he burned some toast in the oven. He shuffled outdoors to eat his blackened toast and sip his tea, watching Claymores drift by on their rounds, occasionally popping up to put on a light show as they scanned for heartless. Merlin waved cheerily from down the road, in nothing but a pair of swim trunks and sunglasses. Cid lifted his mug, well used to the old codger's eccentricities.

After his breakfast, Cid exchanged tea mug for boots and goggles. He headed out, through the crack in the Bailey wall. The crooked path leading to the castle postern was littered with stockpiled materials and construction equipment. High above, cranes loomed, their hooks dangling without anything attached. Cid frowned at that; better than precariously hanging heavy stuff and leaving it, but still dangerous. He was going to have to get after the kids again.

Then he saw it: a tattered bit of red cloth flapping in the wind, caught on the crane hook south of him. Cid blinked, mouth agape. The wind blew through, ripping it free, and it fluttered away into the distance. A chill ran down his spine. Without thinking, he took off down the road, chasing after the elusive bit of cloth like his life depended on it.

The wind carried it all the way to the castle. A particularly strong updraft blew it up and through one of the windows on the upper floor. Cid stopped, panting, and craned his head back, one hand lifted to shield his eyes from the sun. The light reflected off of stained glass windows up there.

His path led him to the castle postern, which had no way up to the higher levels. It would just take him down to the lower corridors and the study, as far as he knew.

But maybe he'd missed something.

Cid followed the path up to the postern and into the castle. Winding corridors went this way and that, with more turns than he remembered. The shadows pooled deeply in the corners, making him edgy. He should have remembered to grab his spear before he left. It was stupid to leave the relative safety of the Claymores without a weapon.

Soon, he realized he was totally lost. Frowning, he turned slowly in place. The hallways looked exactly the same no matter where he looked. Long, narrow, with low ceilings and too many exposed pipes and wires. Four choices before him, and countless others just visible beyond the gloom of shadows.

"Fuck," he said, with as much feeling behind it as he could muster.

Then he put his hand to a wall. Burning cold radiated up his fingers, like touching dry ice. Hissing, he withdrew, shaking his hand out. His fingertips were reddened and raw already. With another vicious swear, he glared at the wall, as though it were sentient enough to feel guilty about what it had done, and then stomped along with his hand out towards it, careful not to touch.

He followed the wall, going down dead ends and backing right out, always taking right turns. This went on for long enough that he began to feel the panicky rush of blood thudding in the back of his skull, spots dancing in front of his vision. The walls and ceiling seemed to creep ever closer, the chill growing with every step he took.

Just as he thought he ought to go back and try his luck at getting back out, a red light flicked on ahead of him. Cid blinked at the illuminated staircase leading up. There came scraping noise behind him, the clicking tap-tap-tap of claws on the tiles, then the hallway filled with a sharp, nauseating smell, like gasoline poured over rotting meat.

He ran for the stairs, springing up them three and four at a time. The staircase zigged and zagged ever upwards, up out of the darkness and into the castle proper. Cid burst out into an empty ballroom floor, dusty but filled with colored light from stained glass windows.

This, he realized, was exactly where he wanted to be. The red cloth lay in a heap in the warm streaks of light near one of the open windows. Cid approached it slowly, as if it were a live thing, but nothing out of the ordinary happened. He crouched to pick it up.

The tattered red scarf should have been tucked away in his wardrobe back home. Though it no longer smelled like its original owner, Cid buried his face in it, shaking.

He recalled the day that Cloud showed up in the Hollow Bastion, the scarf draped over bony shoulders. The younger blond had been glassy eyed and about to collapse from a lack of food and sleep, unable to articulate where he'd been or how he'd made it back. Aerith tried to mother him, but he'd refused, so it fell to Cid to put him to rights.

Seeing the scarf in Cloud's possession had killed any remaining hope Cid had of its owner being alive and whole. The more days dragged by without any sign of him, or anything remotely resembling him--heartless or otherwise--the more Cid knew it was never to be. The man with the red scarf was gone. The self-sacrificing idiot gave away the one thing that might have protected him from the darkness.

Cid straightened, throwing the scarf around his own neck. He immediately felt warmer, though no less exhausted and melancholy.

Having only explored the castle a few times, and then only cursory visits to make repairs, mostly before the world's fall into darkness, Cid figured he might as well have a look around for an alternative exit. He didn't fancy going back down into the corridors, scarf or no.

The large double doors on the far side of the room connected to a cavernous hallway with moldy, moth eaten rugs underfoot and severe stone knights lining the walls. At either end of the hall were smaller doors. Cid drummed his fingers against his thigh, debating which way to go, then veered right.

Stairs took him down a floor, to another, shorter hallway, lined with doors. Each of those doors were locked or opened up to storage closets, their shelves rotted to pieces. The hallway branched left and right at the end; Cid took the right again.

The next room turned out to be the remains of a kitchen with the roof collapsed in. Rusted ovens, rain-spattered countertops, broken bits of porcelain scattered everywhere. Even though he wore boots, Cid tread carefully, avoiding as much of the glass as he could and staying as far as possible from the rusty chunks of metal. He didn't fancy cutting himself on anything and getting sick, not when he wasn't entirely certain if he'd be able to get out of the castle quickly.

Connected to the kitchen was a large pantry, leading nowhere of course, and an incredibly long dining room. Most of the chairs were smashed to pieces, but the table still stood, battered and proud. Cid walked the length of it, admiring the craftsmanship that had gone into the carvings along the legs and edges. Everyone he ever knew could sit at that table and still have room for a hundred more people. Hell, the current population of Radiant Garden would probably only take up a quarter of it.

Next came another hallway, going straight down with no doors but many, many windows to the left. The skyline and distant rooftops of the city in the distance made a stunning view. Cid paused, admiring it.

He was not so high up, he realized. The castle loomed high above the ground because it had once stood at the top of the highest hills, reachable only by a ridiculous number of stairs, or if you were privileged to be of service, the back road hidden by high hedges. After the world's fall, the stairs and hillside collapsed, leaving the castle sticking up like a bizarre, crooked tower. The easiest entrance was in the basement.

Cid continued on to find double doors to his right near the end of the hall. He pushed them open with some effort, the wood creaking under his hands. On the other side, he found the entrance hall, the sort that had wide, sweeping stairs on either side leading up. A somewhat familiar sight at last.

Breathing a sigh of relief, he turned left for the first time, heading for the front doors.

A noise from the stairs drew his attention. The scrape of claws on stone. He looked back and saw a massive purple beast descending the stairs, its tongue lolling. The thing crawled on four legs, each ending in short toes tipped with huge, blunted claws; the front paws had something resembling thumbs. It had a long, prehensile tail swinging lazily behind it, and a fluffy red mane all around its stubby face and down its back. Large spiked fins followed the line of the spine, matched by a fan at the tip of the tail. Two, huge black horns jutted forward from its head, over glowing yellow eyes.

It reached the bottom of the stairs and reared up onto its hind legs, revealing a heart-shaped emblem on its chest.

Cid remembered this monster. It appeared just before the world fell to darkness, leading the swarms through the residential areas. Back then, it'd chased the gummi ship as he took off with the kids. Damn thing about yanked them back down out of the sky. He'd never seen anything like it since, and hoped he never would.

He gripped the scarf around his neck, breathing shallowly through his mouth, and didn't dare move, watching it creep closer, its massive head swinging to and fro as it snuffled along the floor. It stilled, inhaling deeply, not three feet away from him, its ears swiveling forward. Then it growled, beginning to emit smoke from its maw.

Not waiting to get fried, Cid spun away and made a dash for the door. The heartless beast let out a fearsome roar. Hot, orange light flared up behind Cid, singing the tips of the scarf and his hair. Then came the thunderous slap of paws on the tiles as the thing charged after him. It was too big and too fast for him to escape easily.

He felt its hot breath right at his heels as he dived through the narrow gap in the front doors. It smashed into the door, slamming it shut. Cid staggered away, down broken steps, and looked back, wheezing, to see if it would bash the door down. The ancient wood shook in its frame, creaking and shedding dust and splinters, but did not give. The creature let out another howl, furious at the loss of its prey, but it gave up pretty easily.

Silence descended.

Cid sank down into a crouch, arms propped on his knees and head hanging down between them. His lungs and legs burned from the sudden, intense amount of activity. He felt dizzy and ready to pass out at any given moment. It took him a good fifteen minutes to catch his breath and not feel quite so run over.

During that time, the breeze blew past him, making him shiver for the chill of air blowing over his sweaty skin. Eventually the sweat dried and he lifted his head, watching the scarf flap gamely in the wind, safely secured around his neck and shoulders.

Beyond that crimson banner, he saw the whole of Radiant Garden stretched out before him; the twisting paths that led back to the reclaimed sections of the city, the ruins out beyond the gulley, and all of the distant horizon none of them had explored since the world's return.

He also saw that the section of stairs he sat on broke away to a sharp drop. There was nothing beneath them, nothing around them, and they didn't connect to the chunks of stairs far below. The whole hillside was gone. Cid sighed through his nose, looking around for some way down. He couldn't go back into the castle, after all.

A system of cranes and pulleys held broken chunks of the castle up, awaiting the day when the restoration committee could reattach them. Cid wasn't quite sure how those parts had gotten up there; at least one of them looked to be an *entire* tower. He was pretty sure Leon wouldn't have approved of something so large just dangling up in the air, waiting for the chain to snap.

Still, that gave Cid an idea. He stood and walked the perimeter of the castle. Near the back, he found that a crane's long length of chain hung within reach, if he jumped for it. The hook was gone, leaving only rusty chain as thick as his legs.

He clung tightly, cursing himself for not wearing gloves, and hauled himself up hand over fist. The climb was slow and precarious; every little wind made the chain sway and tugged at the scarf. At the top of the chain, he hauled himself up onto the jutting arm of the crane. Then came the slow, precarious climb horizontally, trying not to slip, until he reached the crane controls, secured on a castle balcony way too high above the ground.

Cid kicked the controls, loosening the rust. The gears gave out, spinning wildly, and the chain unspooled as far as it could in a whirring hiss. Down below, the chain clanked and rattled as it spooled up, snakelike. When it finished, Cid sat down to rest, rubbing his raw hands against his jeans.

The wind caught the scarf, throwing it into his face. Huffing, he dragged it back out, clutching the end as he glared at it.

"Prolly the stupidest fuckin' thing I've done in a while," he told the scarf. "Chasin' your ghost even though ya ain't comin' back."

He climbed back across the crane and down the chain. Then he kicked the chain down, off the side of the castle, and used it to climb down to the crumbled remains of the hillside. The blue stone was loose underfoot, making his feet slide with each step.

"Oh, fuck," Cid shouted, feeling the rocks give away. He hoped Leon and the others weren't nearby to hear him. An inane thought.

Throwing his weight backwards, he landed hard on his butt and went skidding downhill. Somehow, he managed not to tumble and break his neck, but his jeans and palms got horribly scraped up. Small bits of rocks rained down around him as he hit solid ground at the bottom.

"Uggghhh."

Cid laid there, unmoving, for several long minutes, letting all the aches and stinging pain wash over him and eddy away. Then he climbed to his feet, moving stiffly and slowly.

He limped his way back to the main path, then home, in moody silence. What he intended to work on that day slipped right out of his head. All he could think of was finding Aerith, getting patched up, and crawling into bed.

Leon found him near the Bailey. His steely eyes widened. "Cid!" He rushed over, slinging his gunblade at his back so that he could take one of Cid's arms and haul it over his shoulders. "What happened?"

Cid huffed. "Got a lil carried away explorin', s'all."

"You should have asked one of us to go with you." Leon shook his head. "Come on, let's get you to Aerith..."

They made their way to Merlin's as quickly as Cid could go, which was not very fast at all. There, he was laid up in the old wizard's bed while Yuffie ran to fetch Aerith from the marketplace. Cid dozed to Aerith's soft, chiding words and the glow of her healing magic.


	2. never be the same

When next Cid opened his eyes, it was still dark out. Merlin snored softly in his armchair, floating a good half a foot off the floor in front of a warm, crackling fireplace. The orange light flickered, illuminating the room in a cozy glow, but left the corners gloomy and cold. Pale moonlight shone through the windows, further reducing the darkness, but did little to reassure.

Cid stretched gingerly, finding that he felt stiff all over but nothing hurt too bad. He rolled out of bed, pulling his boots on. Someone had replaced--or used magic to repair--his ruined pants, so his legs weren't exposed. The scarf lay draped over a bed post at the foot of the bed. Cid grabbed it, throwing it around his neck once more.

Then he crept towards the front door. His boots scraped on the stone floor a little loudly and Cid froze, holding his breath. Merlin, ever omnipresent, should have stirred to scold him, like usual. Nothing of the sort happened. The old wizard continued to sleep.

Weird, but maybe the old wizard's age was finally catching up to him. Cid eased the front door open and slipped outside.

And flattened himself back against the door, staring. A tiny owl suddenly dropped down from above, narrowly missing Cid's head, hooting with something like irritation. It landed, fluffing its feathers up. Then it began to hop about, hooting with rising volume, as though to scold him for being out so late.

"I don't speak owl," Cid hissed.

The owl hunkered down, spreading its wings out in front of it in something very nearly resembling crossed arms. Mostly it just made the thing look very slightly bigger and somehow even less threatening.

The whole situation was exactly the kind of ridiculous that Merlin dealt with every day. Cid stepped out of the way, opening the door a crack. Immediately, the owl wobbled in. It turned its head all the way around to study him through the crack in the door, its pupil big and black and seeming to pull him in. It took him a second to shake that feeling off. He shut the door in its face and hoped he hadn't just done something monumentally stupid. The owl didn't _seem_ dangerous, but... 

Cid waited a few minutes, listening, but heard and saw nothing out of the ordinary. Merlin was the kind of guy who made a big ruckus anytime something went wrong.

The streets were empty, as to be expected when their little town had few enough people that even Cid could remember all their names. Between the soft glow of the street lights, shadowy gloom pooled thick. Leon made sure to install smaller lights in between the big ones, but it looked like sections of them were down again. Cid pulled a cigarette out, sighing. He'd have to look at them in the morning.

Somewhere out there, at least two people were supposed to be patrolling. The roster of who'd been assigned which hour was on the computer inside Merlin's house. Although Cid wondered who else was up, he'd rather not distract them.

Just to be safe.

Living by that phrase exhausted him. Over ten years of constantly being on guard, of fearing the darkness, of expecting to look into gloomy corners and see glowing yellow eyes staring back. And then the shit that followed, learning that sometimes losing one's heart didn't _just_ make a monster... Sometimes the person you loved came back changed.

Cid lit the cigarette, inhaled the sweet burn of nicotine. It didn't dampen the ache deep in his heart, that old chilling realization of how wrong things had been, right before the fall of their world. Ten years and he still couldn't get over it.

A Claymore drifted by, whirring softly as it performed its checks of the area. Another followed soon after, investigating across the street. Everything normal and as should be.

The third jittered and jolted and skidded up the sides of walls. Frowning, Cid watched it get stuck on a gutter, then come zigzagging back down to try another route up. It did this all the way around the house, seemed to give up, and continued its jerky, incorrect path to the next house.

The palms of Cid's hands itched. He took a step after the malfunctioning Claymore, then hesitated. Going off in the dark without his spear was straight up _asking_ to die. Hoping that the thing wouldn't suddenly shoot off somewhere, Cid hurried to his house to fetch his spear, his gloves, and a small torch.

The broken Claymore was very near where he left it, furiously glitching up the side of a small shed. It soon gave up on that, too, and continued on. Cid followed at a safe distance, on the off chance that its sensors were messed up. The little things couldn't do a lot of damage, but they could launch targets pretty high up and set off the alarms, which would wake everyone.

The way the thing behaved, it made Cid wonder for a moment if he’d somehow accidentally imported the previous night’s failed testing onto the network. But no, that couldn’t be it. He never touched the main computer. Plus, all the other Claymores would be acting up too. It had to be something mechanically wrong with just the one.

As though it were navigating an unfamiliar maze, the Claymore followed the walls along the street, always jittering up, getting caught on the gutters, then going back down. It made its way through the Borough and up into the Bailey, struggling with the stairs until it found a smooth expanse of wall to get up on the railing. Cid followed it, streaming smoke in his wake.

The Claymore skittered along the broken gap in the Bailey wall. It bumped off of rubble, circled around, and seemed to vibrate against the edge of its coded range. Cid frowned down at it, hands on his hips. It should not be possible for it to sense anything beyond the network's radius.

And yet... As he watched, it edged further and further outside the invisible line. At first it only managed a centimeter or two before being forcibly jerked back by its tether. He saw the moment it snapped free of its coding as a spark of electricity fizzling across the ground. Then the Claymore zipped along the paths leading to the castle, veering and seesawing wildly.

Cid hefted his spear onto his shoulder and gave chase. "Oi, ya fuck, slow down!"

It did not slow down, all the way to the castle postern. The doors to the narrow corridors beneath the castle were shut for the night. The Claymore bounced against them frantically.

"Always the damn castle," Cid complained, bent over his knees as he panted for breath. "No fuckin' way am I goin' in there at night, ya scrambled piece of shit!"

Of course, the Claymore did not have the capacity to understand reason. It kept bouncing off the walls. Cid took a couple jabs at it with his spear, but it moved so fast that he couldn't get a bead on the tiny machine at its center.

He did get its attention, as it transmitted a pillar of light and glowing orb upwards, emitting a flash as it attempted to send the "attacker" flying. The reach of the spear meant Cid stayed well out of range, squinting his eyes shut against the light. Strangely, it made no alarm sounds. It did a cursory scan of its immediate surroundings, found no further threats, and went right back to trying to get through the doors.

He tried a couple more times to take it out with his spear, with much the same result. Leaving it unattended and returning to his house to leave it until morning wasn't an option. The risk of someone else stumbling upon it before he returned was too great.

Cid also had no guarantee that it would stay put. Even as he considered his options, it began to try and scale the doors, searching along the cracks between them and the frame. The smooth metal doors possessed limited footholds for the little machine, so it kept slipping back down. Given enough time, it might discover an alternate route inside.

Sighing deeply and lighting another cigarette, Cid reluctantly worked himself up to the notion of opening the doors. Of going back into the damn castle at night. He cursed himself for being too exhausted to tell Leon and the others about the huge heartless earlier, cursed himself for not making more of an effort to check in with the patrol team before haring off, cursed himself for being so...

" _Stupid_ ," he insisted, refusing to think of the word a man long gone would have chosen.

Then he used his foot to push the doors open, not too roughly but still leaving a dirty boot imprint on the metal. They weren't locked, just shut to keep the chill of the night out. Few heartless possessed enough intelligence to operate doors, and those that did were more likely to tear the door down.

The Claymore veered off into the dark, winding halls, its shimmering silvery light a bright spot in the shadows. Cid followed quickly, staying within the light as best he could without getting too close. Any time he did come close, the Claymore jerked to a halt and let off a defensive flash.

The irregular way the Claymore moved began to make a kind of strange sense. It bumped along the left wall and took up to ten seconds to determine that it could not climb them, or that climbing them served no purpose, then slid back down to continue forward about a foot before trying again. Although its movements were jerky and imprecise, it attempted the wall climbing at such fixed intervals that Cid could easily picture the calculations it made to make a grid for acceptable routes to attempt.

As before, the hallways went on for longer than he ever recalled them doing. The darkness was total, except the Claymore's light. Cid made a point of not looking too long into the shadows. If something lurked out there, he'd hear and smell it before it reached him.

With the machine as his guide, the journey did not end with stairs going _up_ , but with a rickety wooden staircase that spiraled _down_. That made no sense; the postern was at the basement level of the castle already.

Eerie green light glowed from far below. Cold fog made it hard to see more than a foot or two down. The Claymore wobbled at the edge of the stairs, then slid right off the side, plummeting. Cid leaned against the wall, straining to hear when the thing hit the bottom, but he never did.

"Fuck," he breathed, and his voice echoed in a way he did not like. His skin crawled.

Looking back, Cid saw nothing but total dark. Though he brought a torch with him, it felt like a solid wall of black cut him off from going back the way he'd come. With a shiver and another muffled curse, he began his descent down the stairs, testing each step with his spear before trusting it with his weight.

The stairs seemed to go on forever. More than once, he had to stop to rest, praying that the wood wouldn't crack underneath him if he lingered too long.

Stone walls gave away to roughly hewn dirt. The bottom floor was hard packed earth, forming a long hallway. The green light faded, darkening, and became an odd purple fog eddying around his feet. Rusted chains dangled from the ceiling, clinking faintly from some unknown breeze.

"Ahhh, shit."

Cid knew then that he should have stayed at the top of the stairs. Knew it even before he heard the cracking of wood overhead. He threw himself out of the way as an entire section of the stairs collapsed, flinging debris up on impact. Coughing, he shielded his face with his arms, waiting for the dust to settle.

In the silence that followed, Cid felt watched. Straightening, he looked around, but saw nothing and no one. Not even a single door, anywhere along the walls. Still, the feeling persisted.

With no choice but to press on, he walked forward, ducking under the hanging chains. The hall continued on for a long while, but nowhere near as long as the staircase had. Just before its end, he saw a small wooden door to his left.

A rank, horrible smell came from the end of the hallway. The scrape of something heavy sliding across the hard packed earth followed. Cid threw one fearful glance towards the sound before throwing himself through the door. He slammed it shut behind himself and found himself in total darkness. Something big thudded its way down the hall, heavy enough to make the ground tremble. Its breathing was labored and loud.

After its footsteps faded away into the distance, Cid fumbled for the torch, turning it on. His heart hammered wildly in his chest and he swung the beam of light around. Nothing skittered in the darkness. He was alone.

The room was small, with long, rectangular boxes lined up on either side. Fear made him think they were _coffins_ at first. Closer inspection revealed they were wooden crates labeled with some sort of jumble of letters and numbers. Cid exhaled, making a raspberry sound with his lips.

"Dumb ass... Stop bein' such a fuckin' jumpy idiot."

Curious about the contents of the crates, Cid approached one and pushed the lid off. It was packed tight with old, moldy straw and crawling with bugs. He made a disgusted sound, shaking his hand out because he felt the crawl of little legs on the back of it.

After the bugs scattered, Cid poked into the straw with the butt of his spear, pushing it out of the way to reveal a number of rectangular black boxes stacked on their sides. Each one was about three inches thick, wedged into the crate firmly by the straw. Cid leaned closer, frowning, and realized that they weren't _boxes_ but servers. There were connecting ports for power and other cables along the sides and arcane symbols labeling everything.

"What the fuck...?"

Cid straightened, running the torch light along the crates, counting them. Eight crates total. Each one seemed to be about six feet long, which meant there were probably twenty-four servers per box. Cid let out a low whistle, unable to imagine what someone would need with a hundred and ninety two unused servers.

The things Leon and the others found out about Ansem's--no, _Xehanort's_ experiments were troubling enough without adding a secret basement full of monsters and abandoned components to it. The computer in Ansem's study and the room behind it held enough computational power for an entire world. What more could anyone possibly need?

Cid cast around the room once more, spotting a door on the far side. He went for it immediately, not sparing a single thought to the possibility of trying to go back. Better the unknown than trying his luck with some huge monstrosity.

The room on the other side was all white. White walls, white floors, white noise, and a neutral white light. No darkness, no shadows. Nothing. At first, he thought it was empty, but then he spotted a white table in the very center, with a gleam of something gold scattered on its surface.

He did not want to go into that room. It was a trap. It had to be a trap. Treasure lying out on a table in a big, empty space like that...

The endless droning buzz, little more than a minor annoyance at first, seemed to build up the longer Cid stood in the doorway. It reverberated through his bones. The muscles in his jaws worked as he grit tight against it, trying to will himself to turn back, to shut the damn door.

Cid took one step into the room. Then another. He felt like a helpless passenger in his own head, watching as his body lurched towards the table.

It was an operating table. A spatter of red blood marked the once sterile surface. The gold pieces were the familiar metal plating of a false arm. Cid picked up one of the sharp metal claws with his left hand. The razor edge cut into his palm, making him gasp and drop it, the spell of involuntary movement broken.

As his blood flowed freely, he spun back towards the door, only to find there was no door. Red blood dripped down onto the floor as he turned in place, finding no exits anywhere. The room shrank.

"What the _fuck_?"

The white light began to fade gradually. The room shrank again. Cid backed up against the operating table, staring up at the ceiling, which had no vents nor any other kind of gap. It was solid white. The floor, too. The room became even smaller.

Soon, the walls jutted up against the ends of the operating table. Cid had less than six feet of walking space lengthwise, and less than two feet between him and the other walls. His breathing came out in harsh pants as the lights faded out. The room was not white anymore.

"Fuck you!" he screamed, as though he could physically fight off the claustrophobia, the sense of being watched, the awful clench of panic.

Complete darkness engulfed him.

Cid jerked awake in his own bed, panting sharply. He stared around wildly, momentarily unable to see the familiar shapes of his own house. Then the memory of those awful white walls faded away as reality set in. Warm sunlight shone through the windows. He was not in that cold, dark place. It had all been a nightmare…

He clenched his fists, then winced. The left palm had a ragged cut across it, swollen and red as if infected. Cid stared at it.

“...fuck, it was _real_? What the hell is goin’ _on_.”

Furious at himself for being such a damn coward and frustrated at not having answers, he threw himself out of bed and stomped his way to the bathroom. He doused the wound in disinfectant, slathered ointment on it, then wrapped it up. After that, he stomped through his morning ritual, being unnecessarily noisy the whole time because the silence bothered him.

“Gotta find Leon, take his ass down with me. Someone else’s gotta see it. It was real. I didn’t fuckin’ dream it. How’d I get back here?”

He remembered nothing after the room closed in on him. Yet, the few belongings he’d taken with him down into the basement were all in a heap near the door. His boots were coated in the bluish dust from the path to the castle. Blood stained his jeans. And his hand hurt like nothing else.

Angrily, Cid made breakfast, then went out to eat it on his front steps. The sight of Claymores drifting by in ordinary patrol patterns only made him think of the malfunctioning one. He wished it hadn’t smashed into itty bitty pieces at the bottom of the stairwell. Salvaging it to see what had gone wrong would have been useful.

Merlin was in a good humor as he came trotting down the road, waving to get Cid’s attention. He beamed, eyes squinted shut with mirth. "Ah, Cid! I didn't realize you were young and spry enough for rabbiting off into the night to play stag!"

"I ain't that old," Cid grouched, then shrugged a shoulder. He stood, stepping down to meet Merlin on the side of the road. "Just figured I oughta go back to my own bed..."

"It was no trouble hosting you, none at all, my friend."

"Thanks. Uh, so, everything go okay with the owl...?"

"Oh. Yes. Archimedes. He can be quite a handful, you know, especially when I've quite forgotten to leave a window open for his return..."

Cid snorted, amused. "Ain't seen him before, but he sure was insistent on bein' let in. Glad it wasn't a fuh-- mistake."

Merlin laughed. "No, no, of course not..."

The old wizard tilted his head all the way to the right so that his ear was parallel to his shoulder. His hat slid from his balding head, hitting the ground with a soft whump. Cid stared down at it for a long moment, then reluctantly raised his gaze.

"Everything's fine now," Merlin said; his voice had a strange reverberating quality. He smiled wide beneath huge owl's eyes, the pupils impossibly large, the irises bright and yellow.

Cid recoiled, stumbling back a few steps. Between one blink and the next, Merlin straightened, his eyes closed again, his expression turning to deep concern.

"My dear boy, is everything alright?"

Blinking, Cid rubbed at his eyes. "I... don't know. Think I ain't sleepin' right. I'll see ya later." He hurried away, ducking from the reaching grasp of the old man's concern, unable to stomach the idea of being touched by the man's twisted, knobbly fingers.

Merlin dropped his arms and watched as Cid fled down the road, heading for the marketplace and the relative safety of other people.


	3. began as laughter

As always, the marketplace served as a gathering place for anyone off duty. Cid spotted Aerith and Yuffie perched on a wall near Scrooge's freezer stand, snacking on shockingly red ice cream bars. They waved excitedly upon spotting Cid, so he wandered over, hands in his pockets.

"Hiya, Cid!" Yuffie said, sticky red cream running down her chin like blood. She pointed towards the stand with her ice cream. "Check it out."

A colorful canopy had been erected in front of the stand, with fluttering ribbons strung up everywhere. A banner hanging from the front read, _Free Samples!_ In front, a decent line of people waited as Scrooge and his nephews doled out red ice cream in the form of bars, cones, and bowls.

"Never woulda guessed the ol' duck could be generous."

"Aw, be a little kinder, Cid," Aerith chided, smiling. "He's been such a big help getting people motivated to help with the restoration!"

"Uh-huh." Cid's gaze drifted to her ice cream. It was melting, a slow drip-drip-drip of red staining her hand and running down her wrist. "What flavor's that, anyway?"

"Umm." Yuffie licked at her ice cream bar, pausing between each with a thoughtful frown. "Something tasty. You should go get some!"

Cid shrugged a shoulder. "Eh, mebbe. Ya seen Leon 'round?"

Aerith lifted the hand holding her ice cream, catching falling drops with her tongue before they could stain her dress. "He should be at the castle. Ienzo asked for his help with the computer."

"Somethin' goin' on?"

"I don't think so?" With a shrug, Aerith smiled apologetically. "Neither of them told us anything."

"Alright, thanks. I'll have a gander myself later."

By that point, the line for the stand began to diminish. Cid gave a jaunty little salute and fell in line, curious enough to try the ice cream. Besides, Scrooge always seemed to be in the know about everything that went on, not just in Radiant Garden, but elsewhere too.

In front of Cid, a short, slender dark haired boy with messy black hair stood, head up and back straight. The boy took stiff, mincing little steps, like an attempt at marching, every time the line shuffled forward.

When the boy reached the counter, he had to stand on his tippy toes to see. "Excuse me, sir," he said, very soft and polite, "May I have some ice cream?"

"Of course, lad!" Scrooge chuckled. "How would ye like it?"

"Umm... A bar--" The boy hesitated, looking down at his nice starched shirt and slacks. "Ah, no, a bowl, please."

Scrooge and his nephews served up a large scoop of the too red ice cream in a waffle bowl. The old duck pushed it across the counter. "There ye go, move along now!"

The boy accepted his ice cream with a mumbled, "Thanks," then turned away, moving without looking where he was going. If not for Cid sidestepping, the boy would have collided with him. He glanced up at Cid with ruby red eyes. "...Sorry."

"Don't worry 'bout it," Cid said, rubbing at the back of his neck.

Already, the boy scurried off, heading into the Borough. Cid could not remember his name, nor did he recall ever seeing the kid before.

"Hey, Scrooge, we get new returns or somethin'?"

"Oh, naw, not of late."

"Huh. Thought I knew everyone 'round here..."

"So how'll it be?"

"A bar, 'course."

Nodding, Scrooge retrieved an ice cream bar from the freezer and passed it over. "Ain't seen ye 'round in a few days."

Cid glanced behind him; the line was done. He leaned against the counter, ripping the paper wrapping of the bar open. "Been busy tryin' to extend the range of the Claymores. Damn things won't take."

"Aye, a fair bit of rocky terrain out yonder." Scrooge got a rag and wiped down the counter, washing away sticky red residue. "I hear tell Leon might be lookin' into sendin' expeditions out, now as the heartless be greatly reduced."

"Yeah, prolly." Cid took a tentative bite of the ice cream. And promptly spat it back out into his hand, making a disgusted sound. "What the hell? Is this mud or what?"

"It's beets, Highwind. Good fer ye!"

"...Beets."

"Yes, beets."

"Tryin' to trick everyone into eatin' their veg, is that it?"

Scrooge winked, seeming to grin despite having a bill. "When the economy's right as rain, I'll make a fortune sellin' to parents with troublesome chicks that won't eat their veggies!" The old duck gestured broadly, indicating the dawdling crowds milling around the market square. "Seems the novelty's got 'em eatin' it even if they don't know what to make of it!"

"Damn weird," Cid muttered, but found himself licking the sticky red, dirt-tasting ice cream from his hand. It kind of grew on him. Smelled painfully familiar, like good clean earth smudged on pale hands. His heart ached. "Thanks."

"Ye come back 'round with news of them expeditions, ye hear? I want in on the ground floor."

"Yeah, yeah."

Cid waved vaguely over his shoulder as he wandered back towards the Borough. He noticed that Yuffie and Aerith were gone, leaving nothing but a few spatters of red ice cream stains on the wall. While snacking on his bizarre ice cream, Cid headed for home, giving Merlin's house a wide berth. If he was going back to the castle, he wanted his spear… and the scarf. 

Just to be safe.

Even in broad daylight, with the security of scarf and spear, going back to the castle again set Cid's teeth on edge. He worried at a toothpick, longing for a cigarette instead but not willing to risk it in case he ran into Leon on the way.

He never saw Leon, but high up, wandering the perimeter of the castle outside the original front doors, he spotted one of the former nobodies. The big guy with orange hair, still dressed in the dark blue of the royal guard. Cid couldn't tell what the guy was doing up there, but every now and then, he paused, facing the castle walls, and did... something to them.

Maybe Cid would get answers when he found Leon. Maybe not. Whatever the case, it looked like the big purple heartless was gone. He hoped someone had taken care of it and that it wasn't lying in wait to catch them off guard.

The doors to the lower corridors stood open. The halls were well lit and the path was exactly as he remembered, neat and orderly and going just where it needed to and nowhere else. All of the previous sense of dread vanished. Cid walked through the corridors confidently, if a little confused.

"Did I dream that shit...?" He looked at his bandaged hand, flexing the fingers to make the wound sing with pain. "Nah-uh, no way."

Inside Ansem's study, the other former royal guard, the one with the long black hair, stood near the entrance to the computer lab. It took Cid a minute to remember his name.

"Dilan."

"Yes, what do you want?"

"Lookin' for Leon."

"Right." Dilan nodded towards the hall leading to the computer lab. "I don't have orders to stop humans. You'll find them in the Manufactory."

"Ya expectin' heartless or somethin'?"

"Best to always be prepared."

Cid grunted in agreement. "That other guy oughta be careful wanderin' 'round on his own. Saw somethin' pretty big the other day..."

"And you didn't think to warn anyone?"

"S'why I'm lookin' for Leon, numbskull," Cid said, already walking down the hall.

Dilan made a quiet, frustrated noise, boots scuffling on the floor, likely pacing indecisively between guard duty and concern for his friend. Cid picked up his pace, entering the computer lab. The skinny blond guy sat on the floor in front of the computer console, frowning at the opened panel beneath the keyboard.

"The hell ya doin' to the computer?" Cid demanded, coming to stand behind Even.

"Absolutely nothing that concerns you."

"Ain't anyone toldja, I'm in charge of the tech 'round these parts."

Even tipped his head back, green eyes narrowed in annoyance. "And why should I believe you?"

"'Cuz if ya don't, I'll bloody your damn nose."

That made the man sneer. His face was designed for it, pointy in all the right places to make him look as if he were always staring down his nose, even when he gazed up.

"Ah, of course. Physical violence. Why did Dilan let you in?" Huffing, Even stood and moved away from the computer. "I assure you, nothing has happened to your precious hunk of junk. Nothing of value remains on it at any rate..."

"Mind yaself, jackass, Tron lives in there."

"It is a machine." Even shook his head, rolling his eyes. "I was told to watch for--" A series of lights flickered inside the computer in a pattern. "--ah, that."

Cid hunkered down, spear still propped against his shoulder, and watched the lights. It was a kind of code, similar to morse. "What's it for?"

"Ienzo believes it will be possible to convert the Manufactory to produce other things." Even waved his hand dismissively, as if to ward off a bad smell. "With most of Ansem's research corrupted, this is a waste of time."

"Where's Leon?"

"Inside the computer."

Cid narrowed his eyes, watching the flashing light pattern repeat. He glanced up at the monitor, which remained dark. "Y'all bust the screen or somethin'?"

"Hardly. It was like that when we returned."

"Uh-huh. Where's yer other buddy?"

"In the Manufactory, awaiting the signal. Which, by the way, you are preventing me from relaying, so if you don't mind..."

Cid waved his hand. "Get the hell on with it."

While Even hurried off to the Manufactory, Cid set his spear aside and stood to have a look at the back of the monitor. He found the wires frayed and disconnected, presumably to prevent them from sparking and starting a fire or something. He picked one up, examining it. Looked like something gnawed through it, which made no sense because the damn things were thick rubber over metal cables.

He tossed them into the trash bin by the computer, absently noting the discarded ice cream wrappers and other signs that the scientists had eaten meals in the lab. Cid made a quick trip back to Ansem's study to drag a box from the bottom of one of the shelves. He'd left spare parts just in case something happened to the computer. Dilan was gone, Cid noted, as he carried the cables back to the lab.

Even came back while Cid installed the new cables. He watched with folded arms, but made no more snide comments for the time being. Cid had the monitor working within minutes.

Lines of code flickered across the screen, too fast to follow. A dark prompt window sat in one corner, the caret blinking slowly as it waited for user input. Cid tapped out {query: status}, and received several lines detailing the computer's temperature, ping, etcetera, as well as currently logged in users. Only Leon was inside there.

{sysTron: which user is this?}

{Cid}

{sysTron: greetings, user Cid. how may I help?}

{query: Leon's status}

{sysTron: fully operational and safe. currently enroute to return.}

{thanks}

{sysTron: thank you for restoring monitor functions, user Cid.}

{no problem}

Cid sat back, turning to watch as the fabricator on the other side of the room glowed, emitting a holographic projection of Leon. Piece by piece, the holograph became solid. Leon met Cid's gaze with a slight nod, unsurprised at his presence. His stare down with Even was much colder, like two prickly cats sizing each other up.

"Ya find whatcha were lookin' for?"

"Yes." Leon crossed the room, studying the computer screen. "Tron is recalibrating the Manufactory for us... All we'll need to do is provide materials."

Cid shuffled out of the way, folding his arms. "What're ya gonna be makin' with it?"

"Instead of having to hunt through the ruins to salvage parts and tools, we could use this to make extras... Tron will only need to scan it once."

"Huh, not bad."

Leon nodded, the corner of his mouth quirking up. He bent over the keyboard to communicate with Tron. Cid glanced away from watching him type to watch as Even wandered off into the Manufactory again, presumably to check on Ienzo.

"So, uh, I might've seen a really big heartless that day I was explorin' on my own..."

"When was that?"

"Huh? Yanno, ya found me all messed up by the Bailey?"

Leon straightened, brow furrowed. "I... don't remember that. Are you sure you weren't dreaming?"

"Yanno, I ain't f--” Cid caught himself as Leon’s eyes narrowed with a smirk. Of the kids, Leon cared the least about whether Cid swore, but he would needle about it on behalf of the others. “--sure anymore." Sighing, Cid rubbed at his forehead with the back of his uninjured hand. He could feel the beginnings of a headache blooming behind his left eye, near the temple. he. "Lotta weird stuff happenin' lately..."

"Hm." Leon stared intently at Cid for a long time. "Don't overdo it, old man." He glanced away, just as Ienzo and Even returned.

"Has it worked?" Ienzo asked, his voice soft and measured. He strode over to the computer, his single eye flicking back and forth, following the rapid code.

"Tron thinks so," Leon answered, shrugging. "Whatever, we'll know soon enough."

"Right. Ask him to make something, once he's ready."

"Like what?"

"I've inserted a small amount of munny into the repository," Ienzo said. "Anything will do."

“Hn.”

Whatever Leon tapped into the computer, there soon came a loud, whirring hum from the Manufactory. Lightning flickered and flashed, lancing down to the ground floor. Cid squinted through the windows, shielding his eyes with his hand. Ienzo stared straight into the lights unblinking. The other two looked away, eyes closed.

With sunspots dancing in his vision, Cid was the first to enter the Manufactory to see what the machine had produced. The buzz of electricity faded gradually, a few lingering sparks popping noisily at the tips of the production lasers. On the largest red panel set into the ground floor, a golf ball sized green-blue orb sat, steam rising from its cold surface.

"What... the hell did ya _make_ , Leon?" Cid asked, scratching his head. "A marble?"

Leon came up to stand at his left, lips pursed. "That isn't a hammer."

"Hmm... It would seem we have some bugs in the code to work out," Ienzo observed. He hadn't come all the way down the metal stairs into the Manufactory and stood with his fingertips resting against the railing. "Would one of you be so good as to bring that."

"Honestly, we should be reformatting the whole thing," Even complained, as the two scientists returned to the computer lab.

"I'm gonna knock their lights out if they try." Cid made a fist, raising it, and slapped his other hand against his bicep.

Leon snorted. "I won't let them."

"They're in here all the damn time, kid, how ya gonna stop 'em?"

"Maybe it's time they moved into town."

Grinning, Cid stepped onto the red panel. "Bet they'll hate that." He stooped to pick the marble up.

The minute his fingertips touched it, a cold shock radiated up his arm. Distantly, he heard Leon shout a warning too late. A loud, roaring buzz filled his ears as everything faded to white. Cid toppled, boneless, tumbling weightlessly into an endless void, temporarily stripped of sensation, sound, smell, and sight.

White gave away to black, then streaks of deep blue and purple. Pinpricks of light flared to life all around him, fizzing and hissing as they went through a brilliant gradient of colors before settling on a single hue, each unique.

Cid drifted down, sinking deeper into the pool of stars. He clutched the marble tight to his sternum, instinct telling him that if he lost it, he too would be lost.

The night sky faded gently, becoming lighter, softening with predawn gloom. Cid's breath came out in thick white clouds, the chill making him shiver and curl in on himself. Icicles formed on his hair, his clothes, his skin.

The faint pink hues of dawn never quite managed to come into fruition. Dark grey clouds, fat with snow, crowded the sky, weighing down oppressively. Huge snowflakes came down in sheets, and a harsh wind kicked up on occasion to send them eddying all around Cid even as it cut him to the bone.

His back hit the ground none too gently, but it did not hurt. He landed in a thick snowdrift. Blinking, Cid gingerly unfolded himself and rose to his feet. The snow came up to his knees, bitingly cold.

All around him, a miasma of fog obscured his vision. No matter which way he looked, he could not see much further than the length of his arm. He shoved both hands into his pockets, still clutching the orb in his left, against the bandaged cut on his palm. The continuous pulse of ache told him that he was not dreaming, that this was _real_. Whatever this was.

Picking a likely direction, Cid set out. His steps were high and awkward, the snow making each step a struggle. The exertion helped to keep him warmer, but the cold made him red in the face with clear, runny snot dripping from his nose. His pants became unpleasantly icy and damp, to the point that no matter how much he moved, the chill crept inexorably up.

By the time he managed to find any kind of marker that gave him hope that he wasn't lost in the middle of a huge empty field, doomed to wander in circles forever, his teeth chattered loud enough that he could barely think. Cid stood dumbly in the shadow of the street sign, blinking frosted lashes slowly. Sluggish, his brain didn't register that there were _words_ he could read for several moments.

 _Radiant Garden_ , the sign pointing to the right read. _Saint Avalon_ , the other said, pointing behind him. Cid turned around and saw the faint outline of quaint red roofed houses looming in the distance. He was all the way out in the mountains south of Radiant Garden, in a place that didn't exist anymore.

Once, Radiant Garden sat in the middle of a huge lake, a glorious capital over a thriving world. Smaller communities dotted the mountainsides around the lake. Saint Avalon was one such town, known for its hunting. The locals used to provide neighboring towns with an abundance of meat and materials from deer, rabbit, and other wild game. They made a pretty dime off tourists during the hunting season, too.

Despite the sign, Saint Avalon was more than two hundred miles away from the bridge that spanned the lake and let one enter Radiant Garden. Cid could not walk that in the snow. He stumped off towards the town as quick as he could.

He'd only been out to Saint Avalon once. It was exactly as he remembered. Small white stone buildings framed by dark wood that looked red in certain lights, tiled roofs in all shades of red. Only three streets, the shortest, main one in the mostly flat dip between two large hills.

The snow piled into huge drifts up against the buildings and onto the sidewalks, blocking doorways. Cid stayed to the middle of the streets, where the snow was at its lowest. He considered his options as he walked, head down.

Somewhere beneath all the snow was a general store. He couldn't remember which building it was, though, and didn't fancy expending too much energy digging out multiple buildings. Whichever one he chose, he would be stuck with it. On the other hand, he knew where the largest house in town was, and he knew the family that once lived there was always prepared for any eventuality. It was a longer walk, but less likely to end in disappointment.

Cid pressed on, going all the way down main street and then out of town. Iron lamps ran the length of the road, giving him clear markers to keep him from straying off into the deep, dark woods that crowded closer and closer. More than a few trails split off from the main road, each looking exactly the same to his untrained eye.

Almost a mile out from town, Cid stumbled through the iron wrought gates of the mansion. He was shaking so badly he could barely stay upright. All he could think of was the burn of cold deep in his bones beginning to go numb. Exhaustion weighed heavily on him, making each step harder than the last.

Somehow, he managed to get to the main doors without falling. Snow hadn't piled up into the sheltered alcove, a small mercy. He kicked the doors open, tumbled inside, scattering snow and ice from his clothes. No one came running to investigate; the mansion was as empty as the town.

The entrance hall was dark and cool, but dry. Huge, severe family portraits glared down at him from the walls, disapproving of this intrusion as much as they had his first visit. Paying them little mind, Cid struggled to get the doors shut again, then took a hard right, going straight to the kitchen.

Huge and cavernous, designed to feed a large family and its servants, the kitchen felt like a slumbering giant with none of its fires going. Cid staggered to the largest of the stoves, yanking the iron hatch open. Empty, but he could have cried tears of joy for finding a neat stack of old, dried logs waiting nearby, if not for the fact that he was pretty sure his tear ducts were frozen. He fumbled through filling the stove and lighting it, then huddled in front of the crackling warmth.

When he no longer felt quite so frozen and his clothes seeped with unpleasant dampness, Cid stiffly stripped down to his boxers. He draped his things carefully on top of the stove after checking that all the burners and the hatch were securely closed. He didn't want to lose control of the fire. He made sure to keep the marble, his goggles, his necklace, his cigarettes, and his lighter with him.

Since one stove wasn't enough to warm the room, Cid got two more started up. Then he found a dusty stack of folded table cloths in the storage room adjacent and wrapped himself up in them. He'd need to find something warmer later, but for now, it would do. He sat on the warm stone in front of the blazing stoves, letting himself relax and doze a little.


	4. turn to pain

“Sir? Sir, are you alright?” An old woman’s voice, cracked with age.

Cid groaned softly, prying his eyes open. The lids were gummed over with gunk; he rubbed at them, swiped the sticky crap on the tablecloths draped around him. Then started, sitting up and staring with an open mouth.

The woman was tall and severe, dressed in a prim black dress from neck to ankle, with just the tip of her pointy boots visible beneath the hem. She had a white apron on over the dress, and her gray hair was gathered up in a bun beneath a matching bonnet. She took half a step back away from him, her lips thinning out.

Despite her austere appearance and the deep wrinkles on her brow indicating a life of worry, she had laugh lines at her mouth and crow’s feet at her eyes. Cid felt somewhat reassured by it, though he still blinked sleepily, his foggy brain struggling to catch up.

Behind her, a cluster of younger folks, most of them women, watched anxiously. Cid dragged his hand down the side of his face and turned back towards the stoves to get his clothes. The fires were little more than glowing embers. His clothes had dried into stiff, crackly boards, all but his boots, which remained damp.

“Sh-- sorry, I got… lost.”

“Ah, sir, it happens to the best of us in this weather,” the old woman said. “If you are amenable, we could see you into a spare room in the servant’s quarters until the weather is done?”

“Uh. Yeah, sure, that’d be great, thanks.”

“Very well, what name do you go by?”

“Cid. Cid Highwind.”

“Mr. Highwind, then. I am--” Whatever she said her name was, it faded away to dull static. She spun on her heel and clapped her hands. “Alright, scatter, you lot. To work, now.”

Amid the clatter and bustle of servants hurrying to their tasks, Cid gathered his things and awkwardly hobbled after her while trying not to drop his shroud of tablecloth. She led him down a narrow back hallway, to the back of the house, and down into the basement. It was clean and divided into a number of rooms, all centered around the boiler and laundry.

She stopped at the laundry, gesturing towards an empty basket. "Please leave your things here."

Cid hesitated, but ultimately did as bid, leaving behind everything but his small belongings, the red scarf, and his boots. He shifted from foot to foot, only self-conscious because the old woman seemed so prim and proper.

She barely batted a lid. "Come along."

The room she put him in was somewhere in the middle behind a nondescript door. The only furniture inside was a hard twin bed with thin, scratchy blankets, an empty chest, and a small table with a candle stick on it. Two narrow windows along one wall gave a low glimpse of a wintry garden filled with barren branches and thorns.

"If you'll wait here, I'll send someone along with clothes."

"Yeah, no problem."

"You may join the servants for breakfast once it is prepared," she said, and then she was gone, her boots clacking down the hall.

The minute she was gone, Cid gave voice to his confusion. "What the _fuck_."

The mansion--the entire town!--had been _empty_ when he fell asleep. He needed to get back to Radiant Garden as soon as possible to let the others know there were people living outside the safety of the city walls.

But more than that...

Cid stood and wandered over to the windows, standing on his tiptoes with his fingers gripping the sill. The glass was frosted over, blurring the view. The last time he'd visited the mansion, it'd been autumn. They'd walked together, shoulder to shoulder, with dead leaves drifting down around them. Waiting for the head of the house to see them, to give them his blessings, though the old bastard never did, cursing them to his deathbed for denying him grandchildren and true heirs to the name.

If all the servants were back...

His heart tripped over itself, climbing up in his throat. Cid pushed away from the window, turning away just in time to hear a knock at the door.

"Yeah? C'mon in."

A young tow-headed man peeked in nervously, hefting a bundle of drab clothes. "Here you go, sir..." He came into the room just long enough to deposit them at the foot of the bed. "I'm to take you for breakfast, when you're ready."

"Alright, thanks."

The minute the door shut behind the servant, Cid went over to get dressed. Undershirt, thermal, button-up, vest, long johns, slacks, two layers of socks. They'd even provided a pair of black shoes that were half a size too large. Whatever, it was good to be dressed and warm.

Cid shook the scarf out, then draped it around his shoulders. He stuffed all his belongings into his pockets. The marble went last, his fingertips sliding over the cool surface. It crackled with something like static electricity. He let it go, feeling it sink deeper into his pocket, clinking against the lighter.

As promised, the man waited outside. With a silent nod, he led Cid back up to the kitchens, where the other servants gathered around the central counter to eat a hearty breakfast of porridge, sausages, scrambled eggs, and apples. Cid took one of the empty seats, accepting the food passed to him.

"Thank y'all for ya hospitality. I really 'ppreciate it."

"It's no trouble, Mr. Highwind," one of the girls said, smiling. "The mistress has gone to inform the master. He may wish to see you."

"Yeah, alright." Nodding, Cid dug into his food. It was plain, like everything else the servants had, but filling.

While he ate, the murmured conversation of the servants washed over him. He couldn't seem to concentrate on what they were saying, as if they were speaking another language. It didn't bother him as much as it should. They seemed relaxed and happy, as if being snowed in with a stranger in their midst was perfectly normal. Soon even their noise faded to little more than a whisper.

Cid looked up from congealed porridge, blinking. The kitchen was empty and cold again. The counters were under a thin layer of dust and cobwebs dangled from the rafters.

Numb confusion gave away to the spark of anger. Cid threw himself to his feet, kicking his stool away as he slammed his fists against the counter. His bowl rattled, tipping, and spilled out, the cold porridge oozing out sluggishly.

"What the fuck is goin' _on_!!" Cid shouted, though there was no one to hear, no one to answer. "Fuckin' goddamn bullshit don't make no fuckin' sense, I just wanna go the fuck home! There's no damn reason to be in this fuckin' graveyard, everyone's _dead_. He's never comin' back!"

He yanked the marble out of his pocket, swinging his arm back as if to throw it. A cold dread washed down his back, dousing his rage as quick as it'd come. Cid let his arm and head fall, panting harshly. His fist tightened around the marble.

“Fuckin’... bullshit…”

Outside of the kitchen, he heard the clatter of small feet. Cid jerked towards the noise, jaw working. He shoved the marble back into his pocket and hurried out into the entrance hall, just in time to see a small boy with messy, dark hair dart through a door on the upper floor, to the left.

"Hey!" Cid ran up the stairs, taking the steps two at a time. "Hey, wait, kid!"

The door opened up to a hall with four doors. No sign of where the kid went off to.

Cid tried the one directly across from him and found an empty, round room made up entirely of glass, like a greenhouse. The floor was concrete, with narrow rusted grates.

The next door revealed a library, its shelves broken and books scattered, pages ripped out. The library had a door connecting it to the next room, which was the study. The massive oak desk stood unscathed in the middle of carnage. Smashed windows, ripped up portraits, cracked walls, ruined furniture, and snow blowing in to cover it all.

Cid shook his head, frustrated that he hadn't found the boy yet, but vindicated all the same. It really was too bad the old bastard didn't live to see his pride and joy so utterly destroyed. Cid gave a particularly vicious kick to a broken piece of chair, then headed to the last door, down at the end of the hall.

The music room was exactly as Cid remembered it, only dusty and cobwebby. None of the moldy furniture had been smashed, the floor to ceiling windows remained intact with moth-eaten curtains framing the snowy landscape. The last lady of the house looked down on her favorite room from a portrait above the empty fireplace.

The boy sat at the grand piano, bent practically double with his fists balled against his thighs. His shoulders shook from the force of nearly silent sobs. Big fat tears rolled down his pale cheeks.

Cid stepped into the room. The floorboards creaked under his weight. The boy jolted upright, breath hitching, eyes wide and frantic.

It was the boy from the ice cream stand.

"Who... who are you?!" the boy demanded. "What are you doing here? Go away!"

"Ah now, ain't no reason to be like that." Cid stopped, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. "Ya all alone in this ruined place, kid? Ain't that dangerous?"

"I'm... always alone," the boy muttered, turning his face away. "It doesn't matter. Why are you in my house?"

"Got a lil lost in the snow. My name's Cid."

"...Vincent."

The name was like an arrow through his heart. Cid exhaled sharply, felt the pain tighten his lungs, making it hard to breathe. " _What'd you say_?"

"My name...? It's Vincent." Tilting his head, the boy rubbed at his cheeks, peeking out from beneath the fall of his dark hair. "...Hey, are you okay, mister?"

"N... Nah-uh, it’s nothin'. Ya just... reminded me of someone, is all."

"Who?"

"Someone... really important to me." Cid rubbed at the back of his head, glancing away. He swallowed, then sucked in a deep breath, even if it hurt. "D'yanno how to play that thing, kid?"

"The piano?"

"Yeah."

"Um, yes."

Cautious, Cid came closer. The boy-- Vincent --tensed, watching him warily, so he changed course to sit on one of the deep window sills, gazing out over the frozen landscape.

"Awful quiet 'round here."

He almost didn't expect anything else to happen. Then he heard the clack of the keylid lifting and sliding back. Cid remained facing the window, gritting his teeth at the discordant notes the piano made.

"It's... not tuned," Vincent finally said, with a sigh. "I'm sorry."

"If ya got the tools 'round here, I can help ya out."

"Really?"

"Of course." Cid swung his legs around, planting his feet solidly on the floor, and rested his palms against his knees. He gave Vincent a reassuring grin. "A good friend of mine taught me how to do it."

"Okay."

Vincent slid off of the piano stool and crossed the room. He stood on his tiptoes to reach a small wooden toolbox on the top of a shelf near the fireplace. Cradling it awkwardly against his chest, he brought it back and stood nervously near the piano, watching Cid.

"Ya don't gotta worry 'bout me, but if it makes ya feel better, ya can set it there and I'll wait 'til ya outta reach."

"...Thank you." Vincent ducked his head, leaving the box on the piano stool. He retreated to stand in front of the fireplace, hands tucked under his arms.

"Not a big deal. Smart of ya not to trust some random adult."

What Cid didn't voice was the reality of knowing many children who would never trust adults. It came of growing up in an orphanage.

He stood and went to sit on the stool, opening the toolbox. Familiar tuning tools lay in the velvet inside. He'd been instructed on how to tune a piano with this very same box, once. Cid ran his fingers along the edge of it, melancholy.

Then he got to work, listening with baited breath to each note struck. One by one, he worked from the middle out, gently turning the pins to tighten or loosen the strings as needed. As Cid worked, Vincent crept closer, peering at what he was doing with bright eyed curiosity.

"Ya wanna learn?"

Vincent took a large step back, tense again. When Cid didn't make any move towards him, instead continuing to work, the boy crept close again, nodding mutely.

Normally, one needed total silence and the removal of all background noise to properly tune a piano. Cid felt it was probably okay if it wasn't perfectly tuned. From the sounds of things, the piano had been neglected for a long, long time and would need a number of passes to bring it back to perfection. The best he'd be able to do would be to get it back to passably playable.

Thus, he felt no compunctions about explaining what he was doing as he worked. Vincent watched closely, if silently.

By the time Cid finished and returned the tools to their box, Vincent had rounded the piano entirely, standing right next to the stool. Cid got up, moving out of the way. He took the toolbox with him, already heading over to return it to its place.

"Go ahead, let's see if I've messed it all up."

Vincent took the seat, hesitating for only a moment. Then he began to play through the musical scale, listening to the notes. It didn't sound too bad. Not perfect by any means, just as Cid expected. The kid seemed satisfied anyway, squinting his eyes almost totally closed, head bowed to hide the faintest of shy smiles.

"Thank you, sir."

The song Vincent played was something soft and sad, the notes lingering and reverberating. It was painfully familiar. Cid listened with his eyes squeezed shut, leaning against the fireplace mantle. The cold seeped up from the bricks, a chilling counterpoint to the hot emotion making his heart clench.

The last notes faded away, leaving behind contemplative silence. Vincent sat hunched over the keys, his hair in his eyes.

"Hey... kid, what's your last name?" Cid asked, voice a little croaky.

"Valentine."

Cid opened his eyes, looked up at the ceiling, and inhaled a bracing breath. Then he lowered his head, staring across the room at the child that shared too many similarities with a man long gone for it to be a coincidence.

"How'd ya end up here alone, kiddo?"

"This is my home," Vincent said, blinking. "Where else would I be?"

The possibility that the reason Vincent never came home was because he'd returned to the wrong place, in the wrong form, made Cid's head reel. Yet, there were too many weird things happening for him to trust the strange, fragile hope that began to bloom beneath the confusion.

"Ya ever see anyone else 'round here?"

"Only my father."

A resounding thud echoed down the hall, as though speaking of the devil brought him out of his grave. Vincent flinched, hurriedly lowering the keylid.

"Wh--"

"We shouldn't be here," the boy hissed, darting away.

He climbed onto a rickety table along one wall, yanking a panel open to reveal a dumbwaiter. With one last fearful look back, Vincent slipped inside, pulling the panel shut with a definitive clack. A moment later, Cid heard the grind of gears and ropes as the dumbwaiter made its descent.

There came more thudding, an awkward, loping gait that approached rapidly. Cid had nowhere he could go. He threw himself against the wall by the door, where he would be out of sight when it swung open.

What came through the door was not human. It growled low, snuffling, and then came further into the room, revealing itself as the purple monster from the castle.

Cid held his breath, watching as it paced towards the piano, its long tail swinging wide to knock over furniture. With enough distance between himself and it to take the risk, he dashed out the door, slamming it shut behind him. An enraged roar followed him down the hall as he sprinted for the stairs.

Something in his pocket began to vibrate madly against his thigh as he leapt down the stairs, landing in a tumbling roll. The monster crashed and pounded down the upstairs hall, not yet in sight but coming fast.

Cid scrambled to his feet, running for the front doors. He stuck his hand into his pocket, closed his fingers around the marble. It felt burning hot to the touch. The warmth radiated up through his arm, lancing through his veins, spreading and encompassing everything. All around him, ice and snow steamed as it melted.

The monster crashed through the front doors with a roar; wood exploded outwards. Cid dived to the side to avoid one large chunk. He barely had a chance to blink, much less stagger out of the way, before the monster was upon him, huge claws slicing through the air where his head had been a moment ago.

The marble vibrated harder, making his arm shake. He could not seem to unclench his hand to let it go. A blinding light shone from it, forcing Cid to look away. The beast recoiled, pawing at its face.

Adrenalin flooded through him. Cid jolted, as though struck by lightning, eyes snapping open. He let out a soundless scream, his every thought overloaded with the need to _let go_. The marble shattered in his hand, shards flying, dissolving into light, reforming into a shroud around Cid's body.

The scarf snapped wildly around him, tightening its hold. Then it streamed behind, becoming two long, stiff streamers, like wings. Cid fell into a crouch, breathing heavily as the energy coursed through him.

The monster came at him, spitting fire and smoke, its jaws snapping. Cid moved on instinct, leaping high into the air. The scarf flapped, once, lifting him ever higher. He came down like a streak of silvery light, slamming into the monster's back. On impact, the energy flared up into a pillar with rotating rings at either end and an orb of light rising towards the sky, not unlike the Claymores.

Bones cracked and shadowy tendrils radiated off the monster in waves. It let out a pained roar, twisting and trying to get him. Cid sprang away, bounced off a nearby stone column, and came back in for a second hit.

The monster fled after the third one, careening through the iron-wrought gates. It left a trail of black ichor and deep, clumsy tracks in the mostly untouched snow.

Cid sank to the ground, gasping for breath. The energy dissipated, leaving him exhausted and cold. He couldn’t hear anything over the thunder of his heart and the whistling of his breath. With fuzzy vision clouding over with sparks and shadows, Cid strained for any sign that the monster might come back.

Then came a lancing, burning pain against his back. Cid doubled over, screaming curses, choking on spit. His skin blistered and cracked, blood and puss soaking through his clothes. On and on the agony went, until he could take no more.

He fell forward, hit the ground face first, and lost consciousness.


	5. clear and frigid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains the consumption of raw meat, gore, disturbing imagery, and suggestive content that may be mistaken for sex.

Cid woke in the same place, but a different time. The snow was gone, replaced by new green grass and fragile little flower blossoms. His head pounded and his back ached as he pushed himself gingerly to his knees. The world spun, twisting his stomach in knots, and for a moment he struggled not to vomit all over himself.

As the nausea eased, he heard the clunk of car doors slamming and voices. Cid lifted his head, squinting at the too bright, too cheerful sunlight, hating every high pitched, piping note of birdsong, and desperately wanting nothing more than to crawl into the nearest dark hole to sleep for the next week, at least.

The iron gates parted, letting a pretty young woman with long brown hair through. She wore a cute, flowery yellow sundress and a lacy shawl.

"Oh, Vincent, it's lovely!"

And right on her heels was Vincent, not a child anymore but a young, serious-looking man with short-cropped hair that fell over his brow. He gave the woman the small, shy smile he so rarely offered anyone.

"I'm glad you think so, Lu."

"I want to see everything. Please, show me!"

"Of course."

Vincent did not resist when she took his hand in hers, nor when she practically dragged him up the path to the front doors. Neither one of them acknowledged Cid, sitting on the side of the path feeling like death run over. Nor did any of the servants that followed, though many of their faces were somewhat familiar, if aged from when he last saw them.

Cid even tried to shout, "Hey, ain't any of ya assholes gonna spare a lil hospitality this time?!" and nobody reacted.

With a huff, Cid slouched over his knees, trying and failing to understand what he was being put through _now_. The thought that kept coming back, all-consuming and filled with desperate longing: _I can see Vincent._

He wasted no further time, struggling up to his feet with one hand braced against his lower back as if that could reduce the pain he felt draped over his shoulders and spine. His steps were shuffling, but quick, as he dodged around the servants and ducked into the mansion.

Vincent and the woman stood in the middle of the entrance hall, gazing up to the second landing. The master of the house himself stood up there, a cane in one hand and an oddly benevolent expression on his grizzled face.

"It's been a while, Lucrecia," Grimoire said. "How did you find the journey? Not too hard, I hope..."

"No, it was fine, thank you."

"Father," Vincent murmured, almost too soft to be heard, as though the word pained him. His back was ramrod straight as he met his father's gaze. "I mean to take Lucrecia's hand in marriage. Do you approve?"

"Of course, nothing would satisfy me more."

A different reaction than when Vincent presented Cid, but then, Cid didn't have childbearing hips. He snorted, thumbing his nose. The bitter anger could not last, not when he witnessed the relieved, warm look on Vincent's face as the other man turned away, facing the woman he loved. It made Cid's heart feel too big, too heavy, and far too hot. He couldn't look at it long, feeling like a foolish intruder.

By the time he met Vincent, the man was a brokenhearted shell. The romance with Lucrecia was short-lived, not by either's choice.

The couple went hand-in-hand upstairs, following the servants up to the rooms. Cid drifted behind, tugging idly at the collar of his shirts. Too many layers for spring, now, but even if he seemed to be invisible, he felt too self-conscious to strip right in front of everyone. Knowing his luck, the magic or whatever would dump him bare assed in front of everyone's eyes.

Lucrecia got assigned the room that overlooked the backyard. Cid heard Vincent softly murmuring, explaining that it had once belonged to his mother. He didn't linger for their private conversation, going instead for Vincent's room down the hall. The door stood open, which seemed a small relief, as he didn't feel inclined to find out if his actions could be seen, like some weird ghost story.

A servant bustled in not long after, depositing suitcases. Cid waited until they'd gone before stripping down, removing thermal wear. His back screamed at him for every movement.

Vincent had an old-fashioned wardrobe, the kind that had a hammered tin mirror on the inside of the door. Cid opened it up and twisted this way and that in front of it, straining to see, straining to feel out the ache with the tips of his fingers.

What he found were thin, upraised lines, like a brand. It was a large shape, but he couldn't quite make it out. Wide arcs at the top, narrower at the bottom, with something branching off the sides...

"Am I a goddamn _heartless_?" Cid fumbled for his chest, exhaling at the reassuring thump of his heart. "Nah, no fuckin' way."

Cid kicked his thermal clothes under Vincent's bed, then went in search of the bathroom, where better, larger mirrors were available. He narrowly avoided colliding into Vincent on the way. The younger man didn't react, continuing on to his room.

"Shit, this is weird."

The bathroom was blessedly unoccupied. Cid went in and carefully shut the door with the handle turned to prevent the latch from clicking. Above the sinks were a trio of mirrors--one long, rectangular one framed by two set at an angle. Cid shed his shirt and shifted around to get a proper look.

The mark on his back was indeed some kind of heart-shape, but it was not red and black. It did not look barbed and horrible, though the freshly healed wounds did look unpleasantly pink. The shape consisted of graceful curves, with an upside down teardrop shape in the center. As Cid moved, the skin between the upraised lines seemed to shimmer and shift, a gradient of soft pastel colors.

"Goofiest fuckin' tattoo I ain't ever asked for."

He grabbed a towel off the nearby rack and ran cold water over it. Then he dabbed it over the sore skin, a minor relief that lasted not long at all and soaked the hem of his pants. While his skin remained wet, the cool air a nice distraction, Cid hunted through the drawers under the sinks. He found various medicine, most of them old fashioned.

Best of all, he found a neatly packed wooden box of potions. He helped himself to one and felt immediate relief. Sagging against the counter, his elbows propped on either side of the sink, he exhaled raggedly, eyes closed.

"Fuck... Alright, Highwind, time to focus."

Cid yanked his shirt back on and left the bathroom. He left things where one of the servants could find them. If he recalled correctly, Grimoire could be very strict about the use of medicine, and servants often got in trouble for things missing. Better to let them have a chance of hiding the evidence than to cover his own tracks.

With one step outside the bathroom, the light changed, dwindling and becoming cooler. Though no longer early in the day, it wasn't yet full dark. One by one, the lanterns along the walls popped on. Their cheery, flickering light was only a little better than true fire, but this far out from Radiant Garden, it was a mark of wealth to have electricity in a private home.

Cid wandered down the hall, pausing outside Vincent's room. The door was closed, but no light shone from beneath it. Deciding it unlikely that the man would've taken many naps in his youth, not with a pretty fiancée to dote on, Cid moved on. Lucrecia's door stood ajar, but it was empty.

He heard voices coming from downstairs, and the clatter and bustle of the kitchen working full tilt. Cid headed down and followed the line of servants ferrying dishes into the dining room. There, he found Grimoire at the head of the table, already seated. Vincent stood behind a chair to his right, hands resting on the back. Lucrecia waited at the chair to Grimoire's left, watching the servants serve out their supper with awe.

No one reacted to Cid's presence, so he sauntered over to sit on the table next to Vincent's empty plates.

"Please, sit," Grimoire said, once the servants had finished.

As one, the couple pulled their chairs out and sat down. Two servants remained, busily pouring and ladling and whatever else. An especially bloody hunk of meat ended up on Vincent's plate, red juices staining the mashed potatoes and stringy green beans that accompanied it.

"Oh," Lucrecia gasped. "It's still raw."

Grimoire cast a steely look at his son, lips thinned out. Vincent merely ducked his head and began to eat.

"It's tradition," Grimoire explained. "Were my health better, it would have been my duty take him out to hunt. When a Valentine returns home, they must kill for their first meal and eat the first cut fresh from the carcass."

"How... fascinating."

"Fuckin' barbaric." Cid leaned back on his hands, crossing his legs.

In his later years, Vincent had developed a taste for rarer meat. Or, rather, he began to struggle with eating anything that _wasn't_ raw or otherwise cooked until it was fall apart tender. Often, he forewent eating altogether, choosing to avoid having to choose between the risk of an adverse emotional response or food poisoning.

Cid sighed out through his nose. "Your fuckin' dad sure did a number to ya."

Despite Lucrecia's very best attempts to liven things up, dinner was a quiet affair. She could not mend years of family problems with a sunny attitude, though Cid admired her for trying. Grimoire excused himself before dessert, stomping off into the mansion with a low grumble that, "Some of us still keep to our duties."

"My apologies," Vincent said, after cake and tea had been trotted out and they were alone again. "I... am not a very dutiful son, and I've put you in an uncomfortable place because of it."

"No, Vincent, that's alright. You did warn me. Can we take our dessert somewhere else?"

"Yes, alright."

They went out into the garden, smiling and laughing quietly. Cid kept his distance, not wanting to intrude on anything too intimate. Still, he could not help but want to keep Vincent in sight, so he roamed the garden, exploring while the two flirted and fed each other cake. It never really occurred to him to be jealous; his Vincent came later. This was Lucrecia's, soft and shy and awkward.

Cid felt the shift in atmosphere before he saw it. One moment everything seemed calm, filtered through the soft lens of fond nostalgia. The next, everything sharpened, starting with the dusky blue horizon becoming a bruised purple. Cid spun back towards the couple; brambles snagged his sleeves, tearing.

Vincent held a piece of cake up to Lucrecia's lips. She took it, sucking on his fingers with more noise than strictly necessary. Cid hesitated, debated leaving altogether, but felt a pull beneath his sternum, like a hook in his rib cage dragging him closer.

With a pale, blank face, Vincent forced more and more fingers into Lucrecia's mouth. Her wanton moans rose to a fever pitch, giving away to screaming as her cheeks split, blood spilling down her jaw and neck, staining her dress.

"Holy _fuck_!" Cid threw himself at the other man, grabbed his bony shoulders and tried to pull him off of her. "Vince, stop!"

His interference meant less than nothing. Vincent pulled his fingers away, reaching for the hem of her dress. She lay boneless in the grass, eyes rolling in their sockets. The way she wiggled and sighed was at odds with the horror of her dislocated jaw, teeth and tongue visible through the bloody gaps in her teeth.

"Vincent," she moaned, "Hurry--"

"Hell nope, this ain't fuckin' happenin'!" Cid turned away, covered his ears, gritting his teeth. "Cut it the hell out!!"

To the backdrop of wet squelching and moaning, Cid noticed red eyes on the far side of the garden. The monster rose from the brambles, swiping its tongue uneasily along the side of its maw. It still bore the raw scorch marks of its last encounter with Cid.

"Every damn time ya nearby... shit gets real fucked!"

Cid ran at it, and it fled before him, scrambling and slipping. If not for the horror taking place nearby, the situation would have been funny. A big creature like that, terrified of an unarmed man shouting obscenities.

The monster spit fire, lighting up the garden in a blaze of heat and ash. Cid dodged and spun and jumped, catching the monster's tail and using it to haul himself up onto its back. The thing slid to a stop and began to buck wildly. Cid wrapped his hands in its thick mane, clenching his thighs tight around its middle, and clung for dear life.

Vincent began to scream, his voice a rising tide of panic and guilt. Cid flinched at the noise, his grip loosening. The monster threw him off and fled, climbing up one wall and vanishing over the rooftops. Cid hit a stone column, felt the impact reverberate up his back, and slid down to slump in the grass.

Through the haze of smoke and pain, Cid saw Vincent throw away a huge, jagged knife and scoot away from the bloodied heap that had once been pretty Lucrecia. A single, bony, bloody arm reached for Vincent, fingers twitching. The golden band on one finger glinted in the fire light.

The flames consumed them all. Cid felt searing pain and then nothing, dropping once more into the void.

The droning of some sort of insect woke Cid. He lay face first in damp, dead leaves and dirt, felt heavy and stiff and _cold_ as he gingerly pushed himself up, groaning. All around him, spindly pine trees crowded close, their branches laden with dark green needles and clusters of cones. A pale fog coiled around the trunks, making it hard to get his bearings. At least it wasn’t dark out.

Cid stood on shaky legs, dusting himself off. He didn't see any sign of the mansion, or roads, or anything at all. It was a fair bet that he was still somewhere near Saint Avalon, but he remembered Vincent warning him not to go into the woods alone.

"Don't look like I got a choice this time," Cid muttered.

He had a cigarette while he debated what to do. Or, more accurately, while he waited to see if anything would happen. He was beginning to suspect that something greater than him pulled him in over his head, and all he had to do was wait for it to unfold. Even an apparent death by burning didn't seem enough to put a stop to the fucked up trip down memory lane.

"Not my memories though, is it?" Cid took a pull from the cigarette, exhaling smoke upwards. "Ain't really Vincent's, neither."

Lucrecia didn't die like that. She'd died shortly after giving birth prematurely, unable to take the heartbreak of a son that didn't survive his first year. It'd taken Cid a lot of wine and a lot of patience to get that story out of Vincent, and even then, Cid didn't think he'd been told everything. Valentines kept their secrets and their ancient traditions close to the heart. The entire town did.

"All that dark shit bottled up, ain't no wonder the shadows started here..."

A rustle to his right alerted him to the presence of another. The boy stepped out, clutching a rifle. Vincent did not see Cid, despite looking straight at him. Grimoire came up behind the boy, his own rifle resting against his shoulder. They both wore red capes and dark leathers; Grimoire’s were tattered and worn from a lifetime of use.

"You make too much noise."

"Sorry, father."

The Valentines moved on, winding their way between the trees. Cid followed, flicking his unfinished cigarette off into the fog. It was fascinating that the cherry red ember vanished midair, as if it could no longer exist if he wasn't holding it.

They followed the tracks of a huge beast. Claw marks gored the trees, rent the earth. Spatters of dark blood congealed here and there. Whatever it was, they'd already wounded it.

The trail led them further up into the mountains. The climb was a gentle one, though sometimes they had to divert from the trail to work their way around treacherous terrain littered with loose gravel, fallen trees, and jutting stone. Every time, Grimoire waited impatiently for Vincent to find the trail again, huffing and glaring as if a child should already have mastered the skill.

If Cid weren't certain his actions would have no effect, he'd have taken the opportunity to punch the guy's lights out. Even joking about it had made Vincent tense and angry, before, during, and after their unpleasant visit. Cid learned to keep his mouth shut.

He stayed quiet as he followed boy and man, too, even though neither of them could hear him. It felt right to be a silent spectator. Besides, he fully expected the monster to make another appearance at some point, so he focused on their surroundings, watching and listening closely.

They reached the top of a jutting peak, which overlooked the treetops below. The sun shone through the clouds above, beginning to burn away the fog. Vincent's grip on his gun slackened, the tip grazing the grass at his feet. Cid came up to stand by him, admiring the view.

"This was my fault, mister," the boy said. "I let my guard down."

"Huh? Ya talkin' to me, kiddo?"

Red eyes peered up at him from under the messy fall of black bangs. "It was my hunt. I should have seen the bear coming."

The roar of a bear came from the left. Grimoire's shout of alarm was muffled. Everything seemed to slow down; Cid blinked, unable to move, and watched as the elder Valentine threw himself in between the attack and his son. It wasn't a bear that plowed into him, but the monster. They both toppled off the ledge, tumbling down into the forest below.

"Father!"

Vincent dropped his gun and ran to the very edge, dropping into a crouch. He gripped the ledge, as if he could will his father to be alright. Or as if he struggled to keep from plummeting after.

The crack of gunfire felt final. Birds screamed, rising up into the air, and scattered. In the silence that followed, Vincent wheezed, hyperventilating, and doubled in on himself.

Just as Cid approached and reached for the boy's shoulder, he ducked away and ran off, back the way they'd come. His little cape flapped wildly at his heels, a bright spot of color that vanished between the trees.

"Ah, hell," Cid said, and then loped after Vincent.

Of course nothing could ever be easy.

The flash of red led him further and further into the woods, but far away from anything familiar. The light faded away gradually and the chill crept in. His breath came out in clouds, obscuring his vision.

Soon, he stopped seeing the little red cape in the distance as often. Minutes stretched out longer and longer between sightings. Cid muffled his curses against the back of his hand, just in case the boy _could_ hear him. He was really starting to hate the sick, strange logic that seemed to dominate his existence now.

Eventually, Cid slowed to a stop, bending with his hands braced on his knees, and panted to catch his breath. It was full dark, he was cold, and he had no idea where he was, or where Vincent went off to.

"...Didja get lost, kiddo? S'that what's happenin' here? Puttin' me through it too?" Cid grit his teeth, straightening. "That what this whole thing's been? Relivin' the old crap that won't let go?"

No answer. Deadly silence on all sides. Not even the sound of bugs, or night creatures rustling in the undergrowth.

The darkness, thick and inky, kept him from making out much more than the faintest outlines of trees where the moon weakly shone through the branches. Cid crept along, hands held out at either side of him, and tried not to trip over himself.

"Ya made it outta this, yanno."

He thought not of a scared little boy nor the twitterpated young man he never met, but of warm red eyes, often filled with sorrow as they gazed into the distance, of a pale face kept blank and guarded, mostly hidden behind an overly large red scarf with tattered ends. Long fingers, calloused from years of hunting and fighting, the knuckles and joints gone a little knobbly from too many breaks, the skin scarred. Coaxing Vincent to play the piano again had taken time.

Everything did. Every precious little interaction was painstakingly earned with patience.

A light swelled up from his chest, a semi-transparent, glowing red-orange orb that drifted up, shimmering. Sparkles drifted down from it as it floated ahead of him. Cid followed its lead, feeling warmer with each step.

The little glowing ball led Cid through the woods, casting more light than strictly possible for something of its size. The miasma of fog and shadows broke down before its glory, letting Cid pass unhindered.

It brought him to a tangled cluster of trees that leaned drunkenly together, their roots and branches knotted. At the base, Cid found little Vincent curled up beneath his cloak, unconscious. The boy's lips were turning blue, his breathing shallow. He weighed nothing when Cid bent to gather him up.

When Cid stood upright, he came face to face with the monster. It stood at the edge of the light, blinking big dumb red eyes owlishly as if stunned and blinded. Its head was low, ears backed, tail tucked. Not the posturing of a fearsome beast, but a scared dog.

"Ya shouldn't be out here neither, dumbass," Cid told it.

The orb began to drift on. Cid felt a pull at his chest, urging him after it. He eyed the monster for a moment longer, then turned to catch up. The crunch of undergrowth behind told him that the monster followed at a distance. Somehow, Cid didn't think the thing could do anything to him as long as he remained in the light. Somehow, he didn't think it wanted to.

Trees thinned out, undergrowth gave away to hard-packed dirt, which became paved road. The orb brought them to the lamp-lined road just outside the mansion. It hovered in place until both Cid and the monster were on the road, then carried on towards the big, gloomy house in the distance.

The orb dissipated once it brought them inside the mansion yard, leaving them standing in the gloom at the front door. Cid eyed the hulking shape of the monster. It hunkered down, laying its head on its paws, and watched him with glowing eyes.

"Wait here, and don't start no shit."

Cid carried Vincent inside. It felt right to go up the stairs and put the kid in his room, in his own bed. The house was quiet and dark, but not long dead. The minute Cid finished tucking Vincent in and moved away, the boy faded. Cid hoped he'd returned to a version of the mansion where there was light and people.


	6. thick and still

The monster waited exactly where he'd left it. Cid stood in front of it, hands on his hips, and wondered what, exactly, he was supposed to do.

"Ya actin' guilty as shit. Yanno ya ain't made any of this easy, don't ya." Cid rolled his eyes at the grunting whine. "Ya big baby."

He reached out, half expecting to get his hand snapped off. The monster never moved, except to flinch and tense at the first brush of his fingers against its snout. Slow and careful, Cid walked his fingers along the big muzzle, up between glowing eyes, and into the deep, fluffy mane. Little by little, the monster relaxed under his touch, its eyes slanting nearly shut.

When it got particularly enthusiastic about the petting, it rolled over onto its back, revealing its belly. The mark on its chest gave off an eerie glow in shifting blues and purples.

"Ya ain't heartless no more, huh? S'like mine, 'cept... all fucked up."

Cid moved his hands towards the mark, scritching at dark fur as he went. The monster growled, beginning to tense again.

"Ah, shut up."

He pressed both hands flat against the mark, feeling the upraised branding, with a sensation like prickly brambles tearing at his skin and a biting cold radiating up his arms. It was the opposite of trying to hang onto the orb, like all the energy was being pulled from him.

The monster began to writhe beneath his hands, but did not pull away. Perhaps it couldn't. The bluish light flared, going white hot, hissing like embers hitting water. Cid squinted his eyes against it, grit his teeth, and curled his fingers because he couldn't let whatever was happening go.

The purple form rippled and shrank until it was only a little bigger than a man. Dark purple fur lightened, fading to lavender tips on the feet, tail, and ears. The red mane became like fire, a gradient of oranges and yellows and reds that seemed to shift and ripple whenever the creature moved. The brand lost its brambles, became warm and soft-colored.

A kind of knowing filled his head, overwhelming. A nightmarish vision of the heartless that once terrorized Radiant Garden, turned dreamy and gentle. Cid pulled away, blinking stars from his vision. A broad nose, warm and slightly damp, nosed at his fingers.

"Galian Beast, huh? Feelin' better?"

The monster snorted, bounding away, chasing its own tail, twisting and turning and full of glee, leaving a trail of harmless embers that fizzled out within seconds in its wake.

"Good, 'cuz I'm damn tired."

Cid re-entered the mansion with his weird new companion at his heels. It snuffled about warily, but followed willingly enough as he made his way down to the servant's quarters, to the room he'd been assigned in what felt like-- and probably was --a lifetime ago.

He laid on the hard bed with the beast curled on the floor nearby, and dozed.

The scene change came while Cid slept. Bed became ground, a warm room gave away to a cool breeze. Galian Beast crowding close was what finally made Cid open one eye. Overhead, he saw twinkling stars in a night sky awash with blues and purples, and all around him the crooked shapes of tombstones.

"Aw, hell, c'mon now," Cid grumbled, sitting up. "What kinda shit we in for this time?"

The beast made a low inquisitive sound, lifting its head. Absentmindedly, Cid patted at one large purple leg. He swore he _felt_ the thing's emotions, a jumble at the back of his mind. Happiness ran helterskelter over his thoughts as the beast nosed at his hand, eager to get more pets. Cid snorted and gave in, running his fingers through the thick mane, finding spots that made the beast roll onto its back and kick one leg.

The pleasant distraction could not last forever. The ground shook, splitting apart in a jagged line that cast tombstones aside. Loud cracking noises not unlike gunshots went off all around them as stones broke. The beast growled low in its throat, curling protectively around Cid until the quake passed.

Cid's breath seemed too loud and explosive in the stillness following. With a conscious effort, he slowed it, breathing shallowly until the thrum of anxiety eased, soothed by the reassuring presence of another in the back of his thoughts. He then pushed up from the beast's side, looking around, working his jaw so that it clicked. Behind him, the beast stood up and shook itself out, the many spines on its back clacking together.

The ground had split itself into a jagged canyon that ran the length of the cemetery. The widest point was at the base of a tall stone angel bent over an urn, an endless stream of water dripping from her covered face. The water overflowed, running over the edges and down into a canyon.

A shimmering green light shone from deep inside the earth. Streaks of rippling green and blue undulated a half foot above the canyon, reminding Cid of the aurora borealis, a thing not seen since before the world's fall.

Even more stunningly, however, was the slow rise of translucent forms, their hoods flexing gently as they climbed through the air. Their tentacles were thick branches that ended in waving clusters of tendrils not unlike grass. Each was a vivid spot of color different from the others, radiant purples, pinks, oranges, and yellows.

As Cid approached the lip of the canyon, he found that the things were bigger than him. He tipped his head back, following their steady ascent into the sky, where their shapes became hard to distinguish from the stars. The beast stood to his left, leaning some of its weight against his hip. It watched the flight of the jellyfish calmly, the tip of its tail twitching.

Beneath that awesome sight, rickety wooden stairs spiraled ever downwards, the same as before. Cid chewed on his thumbnail, frowning. The last time he climbed down those stairs, they'd collapsed and left him trapped in a basement with something huge and dangerous, and his only escape had been into a room that closed up on him.

That the stairs were in an entirely different place didn't particularly matter to him. It looked the same. Even if he didn't encounter the same things, it wouldn't be pleasant down there.

The beast nosed at his hand, puffing hot, slightly damp breath out. Cid glanced down and grinned lopsidedly, rubbing his fingers into the fire bright mane.

"Even if it's the same shit, least I ain't goin' down alone."

Cid picked his way around to where the stairs began. He rubbed his clammy hands roughly against his pants above his knees, watching a few more jellyfish drift by. The steady stream of them was dwindling. As Cid began the descent, only a few more rose up from the depths. The beast followed at a much more leisurely pace, the stairs creaking under its weight but holding.

Down and down, around and around they climbed. The green glow thickened until it was like fog, cutting off visibility past a foot or so. Yet it did not hurt his eyes, so gradual was the build up. Cid kept his hand to the roughly hewn wall lest he fall off the edge of the staircase, since he could no longer see it.

As before, the bottom consisted of hard packed dirt floors and walls. The green light faded to almost nothing, dimly casting Cid and the beast's shadows ahead of them. The hall ahead of them was long and dark, the rusted chains rattling to some unknown breeze, cold enough to fog breath.

Galian Beast took the lead, radiating a soft light that illuminated the walls like the flickering orange of fire. It went slow, pausing now and then to sniff around. Rather than try to rush things along, Cid dawdled along behind, digging a cigarette out and lighting up. He feigned casual indifference to their surroundings though his heart pounded, sometimes skipping beats.

The hall went on for far longer than it had last time. At least a mile or more of softly clinking chains, frigid temperatures, and nothing but hard packed earth on all sides. Simultaneously boring and nerve-wracking, with the potential of something horrible in the future.

The door on the left looked exactly the same. The beast gave it a good sniff, before shying away from it, wandering a little further down the hall to peer back at Cid. He flicked his cigarette butt at the door, deciding to trust in his new companion's instincts, which screamed at him to _get away_.

"Let's keep goin' then."

The beast let out a huff, tapping its front paws excitedly. Something like relief washed over Cid as the creature continued down the hall. It was glad to be away from whatever lay behind that door. Cid spared the door one more glance before moving to follow.

The hallway went on for another couple hundred feet. Abruptly, the floor dropped off into inky black darkness. Galian Beast skidded to a stop, kicking bits of rock and dirt off into the void. Cid put his hand against its rump, curling his fingers into short fur, as if he could prevent the creature from jumping off into nothing if it wanted to. It looked back at him, ears up, and then scooted away from the ledge.

Ahead of them, out over the darkness, chunks of rock floated. They bobbed subtly, perpetually in motion in zero gravity. Cid bent to pick up a loose clump of dirt. He straightened and chucked it out into the pit. It bounced off one of the floating islands, then fell endlessly down. Cid listened for a long time for the sound of the clump hitting the bottom, but it never came.

"So whatever's got that shit floatin' ain't gonna work on us." Cid chewed at his lip, frowning. "Might not hold our wei--"

The beast backed up further, hunkered down, and then charged. Cid's eyes went wide, mouth falling open. He watched in stunned awe as Galian Beast flew through the air, landing on one of the larger rocks. It rocked precariously and sank several feet as the beast scrabbled for purchase. For one heart-stopping moment, Cid was sure he was about to witness the beast's last minutes.

The island steadied out and the beast did not fall. Wagging its tail, the beast levered up onto its feet, swaying opposite with the island's bobbing. Soon it crouched for another jump. Cid swallowed thickly, feeling the rush of adrenaline from the creature and his own panicked worry. On its safe landing, the beast looked back and made an inquisitive rumbling noise.

"Oh, hell. Fine. Fuck. This is so fuckin' _stupid_..."

Before he could second-guess it, Cid walked back several feet. He took a running jump out over the pit, felt the wind rush by, his blood roaring in his ears, the flap of the scarf behind him. Then the impact, a jarred landing that nearly overbalanced him and sent him tumbling into the dark. At the last second, Cid jerked his weight backwards, pinwheeling his arms to keep his balance.

"Fuckin' _damn_ shit fuck--"

All the way across the chasm, one death-defying leap at a time, with half a dozen curses every time he managed not to plummet to his death. Only the beast's gleeful confidence, growing bolder by the minute, kept Cid from giving in to total panic.

On the far side, Galian Beast's light revealed about ten feet of solid ground and a pair of huge, rickety wooden doors, barred shut by a thick plank of wood. Cid never felt so happy to be on the ground again. He crouched, bracing his palms flat against the dirt, and forced himself to just _breathe_ until the clamoring of his heart steadied out. The beast paced around him, tail swaying.

"Ya ain't even... fuckin' bothered are ya?" Cid grumbled, swatting in the beast's direction. He didn't make contact, as it bounced out of reach.

Cid lifted his head, studying the barred doors. Big, imposing, and probably meant to keep something horrible in. With the choice of going back across the chasm to the door the Galian Beast shied from or forging ahead, Cid stood upright, hands on his hips. He eyed the beast, met its red-and-yellow eyed stare, then shrugged.

"Let's find out what nasty shit's behind door number two, I guess."

He approached the door with far more confidence than he actually felt. Nothing happened the minute he hefted the heavy bar out of the way. Cid tossed it aside, then pushed the doors open. They groaned and creaked, digging deep gouges into the dirt floor. His muscles quivered from the effort of getting the doors open wide enough for him and the beast to squeeze through.

Galian Beast took point again, pushing past Cid bodily. Beyond the doors was nothing but pitch black. Dirt gave away to rusty metal underfoot; claws and boots clacked, echoing. The noise built up, rebounding off of distant, unseen walls to double back on itself again and again. Groaning quietly, Cid halted, putting his hands over his ears. 

The beast settled nervously at his side, fiery mane bristled and muzzle wrinkled in a silent growl. Something huge moved in the darkness ahead, its footsteps a weighty thud that made the metal floor shudder.

An ugly kind of light came creeping up from below, revealing that they stood on a platform suspended from a cavernous ceiling by countless chains. The light undulated unpleasantly in bloody reds, bruised blues, and sickly greens, sliding across the cavern walls and roof like oil. The center of the platform remained in shadow.

The thing lurking there took another step forward, swinging its massive head side to side. It was a mirror image of the Galian Beast, though much larger, darker in color, and in possession of the heartless emblem across its face. It lacked eyes as a result, and seemed to be trying to sniff them out.

His beast shifted, claws clicking on the metal floor. The heartless snapped its ears up; it growled, turning its face towards the source.

No matter how they moved, they would always make noise on the platform.

Cid pointed right and started running left. "Scatter!"

Galian Beast hesitated, then dashed away. It picked up on Cid's thoughts and began to add excessive leaps to its stride, throwing its weight with more force than needed to make as much noise as possible. The clanging of their footsteps reverberated and became a nauseating amount of noise pollution.

The heartless stomped in place, turning this way and that, snarling with indecisive rage. With no clear indicator of where its prey were, the heartless began to lunge wildly, snapping at the open air, kicking its huge front paws out. Cid ducked, narrowly avoiding having his head knocked clean off his shoulders.

With all the weight thrown around, the metal platform wobbled dangerously, the chains clinking. Cid heard a snap somewhere to his left as the first gave out. Metal went flying, pieces of it goring the heartless in the shoulder. Black ichor sprayed upwards, hissing shadows streaming out.

The heartless threw its head back, letting out a howl that drowned out all other noise. Cid staggered, clutching his head. The sound ripped through his skull, made his bones rattle as though they might tear loose of his skin. Above the heartless emblem, a small orb of orange fire appeared, growing larger by the second.

A smaller, but no less furious howl answered. On the other side of the platform, Cid could just make out the Galian Beast, ringed by a trio of smaller balls of fire. They spun wildly around the beast. With a forceful snarl, it swung its body sharply, flinging the fire at the heartless.

The thing didn’t even flinch as the fireballs slammed into its side, exploding on impact, shockwaves of fire and smoke and shadow billowing outwards. It bellowed furiously, twisting to let loose return fire.

“Move!” Cid yelled, and maybe Galian Beast picked up on his panic before he voiced it because the beast was already running, circling around to try and reach him.

The giant fireball spun slow at first but picked up speed with each rotation. Galian Beast barely managed to avoid it, the tip of its tail sizzling, fur scorched. As the orb burned through an entire wall of chains, the platform gave a hard lurch, the whole thing dipping on the one end.

The heartless let out another ear-splitting howl, digging its claws into the metal floor to keep from sliding. It tore through the metal like paper, sending sparks up. Little by little, gravity dragged its bulk down, towards the edge it could not see.

Galian Beast yelped, staggering and bouncing and desperately trying to stay on the platform. The smaller beast found footing in the uneven dents where the heartless had walked before the fight began. It hunkered down, curling its tail around itself, and its mind became a buzz of nervous static.

Meanwhile, Cid stumbled and scrambled against the tilt, throwing himself towards the nearest chain that still held. He clung for dear life while the whole platform shook and swayed, threatening to collapse altogether.

The heartless snarled in alarm as one of its legs slipped off the edge. It threw its weight back, rocking the whole platform. Every thrash caused another chain to snap, and with each chain giving out, the platform jerked and sank further.

"Fuckin'-- sit the hell still, ya stupid bastard!!"

Yelling only made the heartless let off small bursts of fire, little more than a flash from behind teeth. It did not stop flailing around, too stupid to comprehend the danger. Cid grit his teeth, waiting out the next round of bouncing that jerked his chain around. He kept expecting it to break, kept expecting to get gored by flying metal, kept expecting to watch Galian Beast fail to land safely on the platform when it was bounced up into the air.

In a lull wherein the heartless crouched down, Cid studied how many chains remained. The platform was almost vertical, too many chains gone on the one side. Shifting his weight to one hand and his thighs, he leaned out, pointing.

"Hey, Galian! Gimme a fireball over here!"

The beast did not understand the _why_ , but Cid had the sense of it nosing through his head, pulling at his thoughts and acting on them. Just before the heartless began to thrash again, Galian Beast let off another volley of fireballs, which seared through the chains on the highest point of the platform.

The whole thing jolted hard and dropped several feet, leaving heartless and Galian Beast behind in the air. The platform swung wildly, gave another lurch when the heartless smashed into it. More chains gave out, metal pinging off the floor and walls.

Galian hit the platform with a loud crack and a yelp and did not immediately get back up. Cid slid down off his chain and raced over, sliding to his knees next to the beast. One of its back legs bent out at an awful angle.

"Shit," he breathed, running his fingers through fur gingerly. "Ain't gonna quit on me so soon, are ya?"

With a low whine, the beast lapped at his fingers. Its thick tail thumped weakly against the floor. The noise attracted the attention of the heartless, now recovered from the fall. The heartless snarled and began a slow, stomping march towards them.

The beast wouldn’t be able to walk, and it was too big for Cid to pick up. He had no weapons, no armor. He didn't feel any surges of energy at just the right time. He was just a fool in a dark place with no escape.

“C’mon then, ya stupid fuck!” Cid shouted, defiant, as he crouched over the Galian Beast, glaring up into the face of death.

He thought it probably wouldn’t matter if they died. They’d wake up in a different scene, unscathed, surely. Only… a sense of dread built with each thudding step that brought the heartless closer. A dream-like conviction that he was forgetting something came over him, chilling in its finality. It did not come from the beast, whose thoughts were only of _pain_ and _failure_.

Cid looked at the Galian Beast.

When he’d died in previous scenes, he had been alone. Would death be permanent for his new companion? It wasn’t a human like him, it didn’t come from the real world. Did it have a corporeal form somewhere to return to? Cid had an endless number of questions and no answers.

The heartless loomed over them, dripping drool from its maw. Smoke streamed from the corners of its jowls, the warning glow of fire beginning behind its teeth already.

Galian Beast yawned wide, popping its jaw. The yawn ended in a low, continuous whine, like a stressed dog. Cid curled his fingers against its shoulder, unable to offer any real comfort. High above the heartless, a single spot of light shimmered in the dark, like a solitary star. Cid fixated on it instead of the imminent death.

The light glinted brightly, flashing out some kind of pattern. 

Scorching orange light flared into existence as the heartless opened its mouth wide, its voice rising in an endless roar. The heat of the fire blew Cid’s hair back, made sweat begin to bead on his forehead. He squinted against the blaze, trying to stay focused on the message--

His eyes widened, pupils dilating as understanding hit.

As the heartless loosed the fires of hell on them, Cid shoved his hand under Galian Beast’s chest, splaying his fingers against the emblem that matched his own. He felt the beast’s rapid heartbeat, then the hard pull of the emblems reacting to each other. Since he couldn’t be sure if there _were_ any other ways to do it, he imagined yanking on a leash, pulling a sometimes unruly dog to heel.

The fire seared him to ashes right as he pulled Galian Beast’s soul inside his own, sheltering it from total destruction.


	7. not one to forget

Awareness came in pieces.

His head throbbed dully, mostly in the right temple, but it spread out backwards, slowly leeching into the rest of his skull, all the way down into his jaw and neck. As Cid began to wake up, the pain intensified, making him groan.

He sucked in a steadying breath and choked on dirt. Realizing that he was face down in a flower bed came next. Cid lifted his head, wincing, and blinked dumbly. His vision had gone soft and blurry with auras radiating off of everything.

"Mister, hey, mister, are you okay?"

Cid turned his face towards the origin of the voice. Dark blue eyes peered worriedly at him from a soft, boyish face. There was a pink plaster with mog faces on one dirty cheek, and framing that face were messy blond spikes, forever untamed.

_Cloud,_ he realized, and blinked rapidly to clear his muddled vision.

Standing off to one side was a small brown-haired boy, his hair cut short. He wore a jacket with a fluffy white ruff and he didn't have the scar on his face yet. Squall's attempts at being indifferent were ruined by frequent, poorly concealed glances at them. He tapped his wooden sword against his shoulder, shifting from foot to foot.

"Mister?" Cloud prompted. "Hey, Squall, I think he's sick."

Cid swallowed, cleared his throat, and pushed himself all the way up to his knees. "Nah. Nah-uh. I'm... I'm alright."

"You sure? What 'bout your dog?"

Galian Beast lay half-conscious nearby, crushing tulips of every color under its bulk. Cid scooted over to put his hand against its side, feeling the steady heartbeat and slow breathing. Its leg didn't look broken anymore.

"He'll be fine, I think," Cid said.

"Can we pet him?"

"Prolly not 'til he wakes up. Might be a lil cranky."

"Oh." Cloud scratched at the side of his neck, looking off to the side. Even as a child, Cloud tended to zone out, lost in his own thoughts.

"You ruined the flowers," Squall pointed out. "It'll be annoying if Aerith starts crying."

Cid grinned, sheepish. "Sorry."

He stood, dusting himself off. The headache lurked, pulsing with every movement, but there was nothing to be done for it. Both boys backed off, onto the nearby road, watching him with wary interest. Cid eyed them, thinking they looked about eight, maybe nine. A little after he'd aged out of the orphanage, then. Too young to know real fear, but already resigned to the casual neglect of adults that didn't have time for them.

Beyond them, Radiant Garden stood as pristine and perfect as he remembered. Cid put his hands on his hips as he took in the sight. The pristine lake and mountains in the distance, the walls separating the various districts, the neat rows of colorful rooftops, and the castle sitting above it all.

"Thanks for wakin' me up."

"No problem, mister."

"Cloud, guards," Squall said.

The two boys started to run off; Cloud stopped and turned back to shout, "Hey! You better go, too!"

Cid saw four people in dark navy leathers marching down the road, towards the gates that led out of the city. He didn't recognize any of them, but remembered that the flower gardens counted as city property. Damaging them was not looked upon kindly. Cid crouched, pushing his hands against Galian Beast's chest, and yanked the beast back inside of himself. The solid purple form shattered apart into a flurry of light before vanishing.

Then Cid ran, laughing when the guards shouted for him to _stop_. He darted along the dirt paths between the flower beds, hopped over a short wall, and slid down a stone incline. At the bottom was one of the city canals; he splashed into the clear water and dove under to swim across.

When he looked back and up, he saw the guards clustered at the wall, staring down. Cid waved cheekily at them, and then clambered up the other side of the canyon and over a wall, into one of the residential districts.

As a youth, he'd been something of a troublemaker. Nothing like a little graffiti, smoking and drinking when and where he shouldn't, or petty theft from the wealthy to let out the back-built years of frustration that came of being a lifelong orphan, unwanted by anyone.

Playing big brother to the younger kids had given him a better outlet. So had tinkering with machines and learning to build gummi ships. Cid slowed to a casual walk, ignoring the curious looks he got for being sopping wet. He smiled, thinking of the kids in their youths, still bright eyed and convinced he could solve any problem.

The orphanage was a couple blocks away. Cid wandered that way without really thinking about it. His pace slowed further as he walked along the high stone wall, topped with imposing iron spikes and barbed wire. Behind it, he'd spent an unsatisfying childhood, constantly sitting in corners to "think about what he'd done", or being sent to bed without supper, or made to do menial chores.

He stopped in front of the iron gates, the only place an outsider could see into the yard. Most of the older kids would be out, playing elsewhere in the city. Caretakers oversaw the five and unders as they clambered all over the rickety playground or mucked around in the sandbox. From outside the gates, Cid didn't recognize any of the kids, but he knew that Yuffie would be in their numbers, if Cloud and Squall _were_ about eight.

"You need something?" the guard asked, suspicious.

"Oh, nah. Was just rememberin' the ol' home and hearth. Damn glad to be outta there."

"Oh, huh. Going to have to ask you to move along, anyway."

"Yeah, no problem. Sorry." Cid waved vaguely and moved on. His clothes were starting to dry in the warm afternoon sun, but still clung to his skin as he walked.

In the back of his head, Galian Beast stirred. Confusion and a little panic filtered into Cid's thoughts; he frowned and thought about things that made him happy, awkwardly trying to push reassuring feelings back. It must have worked, as the beast settled down.

He sensed that it wanted out, but it didn't seem like a very good idea. Children might mistake the beast for a dog, but it was too big and too strange to fool adults. All around him, normal people went about their business, unaware of the possibility that monsters might be _real_.

That those people might not be real themselves was besides the point. Cid fidgeted with his lighter in his pocket. If nothing else, keeping a low profile would make it easier to notice when the scene inevitably became nightmarish.

“Fuck,” Cid sighed.

More than anything, he didn’t want to relive Radiant Garden’s fall. He wanted to be able to enjoy the idyllic memories without dread. He wanted...

He wanted to see Vincent. _His_ Vincent.

Cid walked on, down narrow back alleys, taking the shortest route from one district to the next. The Royal Guard had barracks where most of them stayed, but Vincent lived in a basement apartment beneath a flower shop, a block away from the cemetery. No one answered when Cid went downstairs to knock, so he headed over to the cemetery.

Though she should have been buried in Saint Avalon with the rest of the Valentines, Vincent insisted on bringing Lucrecia back to her home city, to be buried near her parents and her son. He visited her regularly to replenish her flowers, always marigolds, fat and yellow.

Cid paused on the hill overlooking the grave. A young girl knelt in front of Lucrecia's stone, her long brown hair pulled back in a braid tied off with a pink ribbon. Slowly, so as to not startle Aerith, Cid walked down the hill, coming from the side so that she might see him before he got too close.

Vincent strode up to her from the other way, his footsteps fast and sharp. Short-haired, baggy-eyed, practically drowning in his Guard outfit and scarf because he never ate until Cid managed to force him. He bent and grabbed the girl by the arm and went still, his red eyes gone wide.

Aerith looked like she was related to Lucrecia. Cid could understand Vincent's shock, but all the same, he ran towards them, shouting, "Oi, let her go, dummy!"

Of course neither of them reacted. He was invisible again.

"Fuck." Cid scuffed the dirt and resigned himself to being a passive observer.

Aerith made a feeble attempt to get loose, then went slack in Vincent's grip. "You're hurting me, mister!"

"What are you doing?" Vincent demanded, without letting go.

"I'm just-- the flowers were dead, and-- please, won't you let me go?"

"Sorry." Vincent released her and stepped back. "Is it... you I have to thank for looking after her in my absence?"

"I like to help them," Aerith answered, rubbing at her arm and smiling sadly. "The ones that get forgotten. I didn't know she had someone."

Vincent's shoulders hunched; he tucked his face into his scarf. "I don't mean to forget."

"Oh, no, mister, don't cry, I didn't mean to say that you forgot her!!"

Ever the kindest girl in all of Radiant Garden, Aerith ran up to the stranger that had given her a scare and patted consolingly at his arm. Vincent stood stiff and still, taking it with as much grace as possible.

"Hey, Aerith!!" another girl called, from up the hill. Tifa, impossibly young and smiling to show gaps in her teeth. "C'mon, let's go get lunch!"

"Oh, I have to go, mister, but if it's okay, I'd like to keep visiting her."

"I think she'd like that." Vincent turned in place to watch her as she walked towards Tifa. "Wait. What is your name?"

She looked back, smiling. "I'm Aerith Gainsborough. Yours?"

"Vincent Valentine."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Valentine."

A hard wind blew through, throwing the scarf into Cid's face. When he yanked it down, everyone was gone. The cemetery was empty because it was full dark out, with a sky full of clouds that obscured the sight of a yellowed half moon.

"What the hell?" Cid rubbed the back of his head, turning in place. "Gonna be like that, then? Fuck."

Tapping a cigarette out, tucking the filter between his lips, Cid watched clouds roll by. He wondered how much of the things he was being shown were rooted in truth. In the past, Vincent never seemed to show any interest in any of the kids. They were reluctantly tolerated at best, avoided outright at worst. Yet still, Cid encountered not one, but four of the oldest kids, each of them exactly as he remembered.

"This fuckin' thing pullin' from me, too, or were ya a bigger softie than I thought, Valentine?"

Galian Beast stirred, pushing at the back of his thoughts. It still wanted out, especially now that there was no one around to witness. Cid rubbed at the back of his head as if he could physically soothe it.

"Come to think, how the hell do I get ya back out?"

A sensation like a wet nose rubbing against the side of his face made him jerk to the side, blinking, because there was _nothing_ there. Galian Beast pushed insistently at his thoughts, overwhelming in its restlessness.

Abruptly, Cid remembered thinking warm thoughts about Vincent, of a glowing orb that led him to a lost boy in the woods. It hadn't been coincidence. He'd _done_ that. He could do it for the beast, too, he realized.

"Okay, hang on."

The beast stilled. Cid inhaled, exhaled, clearing his thoughts. It took him a minute to come up with an appropriate memory.

The first time Cid met Vincent, he'd been a rowdy seventeen year old, arrested for participating in a bar room brawl. Twenty-one year old Vincent Valentine, freshly recruited and assigned all the shit jobs, looked down his nose in disgust and then spared not a second glance as he filled out the appropriate paperwork.

Cid had been head over heels from that day on.

Because Vincent was so gorgeous it hurt to look at him and because he was the first to ask, "What will you do when you are no longer a child who can act out without consequence?"

It'd probably been meant as a jab, something to hurt him for wasting everyone's time, especially Vincent's. The sad fact of the matter was that no one else showed any interest whatsoever in Cid's future. They said things like, "He'll never amount to anything," and "Oh, it's you again," and "I can't wait until you're someone else's problem."

So Cid grinned, sitting forward, and told Vincent, "I'm gonna build a ship and sail through the goddamn stars."

Vincent paused, fingers hovering over the typewriter. Then he let out a soft huff, ruffling the long bangs hanging over one eye, and went back to filling out paperwork without another word.

Cid opened his eyes in the present as the Galian Beast reformed from flickering orange lights. The minute it was solid, the beast leaned against Cid with a low grunt, swinging its tail side to side.

"Welcome back, furball," Cid said, rubbing between its eyes. "Let's go find the next fuckarow, huh?"

Cid backtracked out of the cemetery, checking Vincent's apartment again. Still no answer, no lights on inside. Then he made his way down the street and over two blocks, to the guard outpost Vincent worked at during his early years. The one Cid always got dragged to because Vincent became the go-to guy for getting an underaged repeat offender processed and turned out with minimum fuss. Mostly because said offender was too enamored to _make_ a fuss.

His crush had been completely unrequited and unnoticed. Not only had he been a stupid kid, but a stupid kid with few redeeming qualities and a rap sheet. He learned much later that Vincent had been too mired in grief to make _friends_ , never mind taking notice of any of the people that flirted at him.

In hindsight, Cid was grateful nothing ever happened. A seventeen year old had no business trying to get handsy with an older man. Cid sure didn’t possess the emotional maturity for a relationship then, especially not one that needed a soft touch and a lot of patience.

Passersby did not notice Cid or Galian Beast. They veered to avoid walking into them, but did so without realizing what they were doing. Cid sidestepped, staying in front of one particularly harried-looking woman. An apple fell out of her grocery bag, making her dart the other way to try and catch it. She never even looked at Cid.

He watched her go with his hands on his hips. "Yanno, wish I knew how to toggle this invisibility shit. Or at least knew it was comin'."

With a shake of his head, he continued on until he reached the guard station. The front doors were wide open, spilling light out on the street by way of an invitation for anyone that might need help. Cid went inside, breezing past the lobby to enter the bullpen. The wide open work space was as he remembered, littered with desks of varying neatness, with extra chairs for visitors, willing or otherwise. It was a quiet night, with only one guard present.

Vincent was at his desk in the far back, next to an open window. He sat with his chin in his palm, gazing out the window, and tapped the end of his pen against unfinished paperwork. Judging by the precariously leaning stacks, he got saddled with _all_ of the paperwork and abandoned for a quiet night in.

The pop of fireworks outside made Galian Beast jump and dart under one of the desks. It was too big to fit properly, so it ended up rattling the desk and flopping with only its head underneath. Vincent didn't react.

"Ya stay right there and don't make no more fuss," Cid said, nudging the beast in the rump. "S'just fireworks anyhow."

Cid walked over to perch on the end of the desk, on the only corner not buried under paperwork. Vincent sighed deeply, sinking back into his chair, head lolling back. He looked gaunt, in dire need of several good meals and a lot more sleep.

The paper at the top of the pile had Cid's name on it. Leaning on one hand, Cid peered down at it. A formal issue for arrest and a court date, set shortly after Cid's eighteenth birthday. Whatever he'd done, they meant to try him as an adult.

"Wait a minute, I stopped fuckin' 'round a few months _before_."

The night Cid decided to clean up his act, it rained. Vincent didn't usually talk about anything not directly related to processing Cid and getting him back out on the street as fast as possible, but that night, he looked Cid in the eye.

"This is the last time I can see you."

"Huh? What d'ya mean?"

"If you want to see the stars, you have to stop now."

Cid limped home feeling chilled to the bone, and not just because of the rain. Something in the way Vincent looked at him, as though willing him to understand something without it being spelled out... And the hard stares of the other guards, never kind but never outright full of loathing until that night.

He’d stopped messing around after that. Started trying to set a better example for the other kids and everything.

In the present, Vincent threw his pen down on the desk. He grabbed the paper, gripping it between his hands as if he meant to tear it to pieces. Then he paused, frowning, and smoothed it back out over his desk. After a while, he retrieved his pen and bent over the paper, filling it out properly.

But not with what the rest of the guard wanted to see, probably. Cid peered down at the neat penmanship, a lump forming in the back of his throat.

_Shows promise at mechanical engineering. Lacking in productive outlets. Recommendation: deferral to employment counseling._

After being turned out from the orphanage the day after his eighteenth birthday, Vincent and another guard showed up to collect Cid. They did not escort him to the castle dungeons. Instead, they left him standing in front of the local employment offices with a blue slip stamped with the royal seal, which meant that his juvenile record had been pardoned by Ansem the Wise himself.

The city needed mechanics, no matter their origins. Cars were not commonly driven within the city, but they needed to be able to make journeys of several hundred miles just to reach the next nearest town. Gummi ships were the newest craze, as Scrooge McDuck and Disney Castle boasted upcoming highways in the stars. And there were new technologies and experiments being created every day up in the castle, under Ansem the Wise’s watchful eyes.

Cid scored an apprenticeship and a place to stay within an hour of demonstrating his aptitude with machinery. He had a pretty easy ride after that.

The room went dark while Cid ruminated. He lifted his head, noticing that Vincent was gone. The desk was bare, lacking any signs of ever being used. It didn't even have a chair anymore. The rest of the bullpen looked long abandoned too, most of the furniture missing but for battered old desks not worth salvaging.

"Never knew ya gave me that chance," Cid said, sliding off the desk. "Didn't see much of ya after I stopped havin' excuses to bug ya at work."

The beast crept out from under the desk, following Cid as he meandered back out of the guard station. They stepped out into blinding sunshine and a cacophony of noise. Cid raised one hand to shade his eyes, pressing the other against his ear. Meanwhile, the beast groaned and butted the side of its head against his hip, as though he had the power to turn the volume down.

As soon as his eyes adjusted to the change of light, Cid looked around. A large crowd clustered on either side of the road, milling around with balloons, fried foods, and novelty souvenirs. A parade rolled by, complete with a marching band and confetti. Someone set off fireworks down the street, the crackle-pop raising a startled whoop of laughter from the crowd.

A banner hanging from street lamps gave Cid the date. He knew where he needed to go next.

"C'mon." He patted at the beast's shoulders to get its attention. "Nothin' to worry 'bout, okay? We're gonna go somewhere quieter."

A couple months before he turned nineteen, Cid lived in a ratty little two-bedroom apartment five or six blocks from the orphanage. He worked part time as a mechanic in a garage a few streets over, saving every penny to get a house of his own. That was where Cid led Galian Beast.

The garage was empty but for a beat up, rusty red roadster up on the lift. The day of the parade, Vincent rolled back into Cid's life in that battered old thing. He almost rolled right back out, except the car died on him, spitting black smoke.

Neither Vincent nor his younger self were anywhere to be found. Cid thought that a relief; it would be weird to watch himself from an outsider's perspective. Probably more than a little embarrassing, too, since he'd never been suave or subtle. His attempts to win Vincent over had many, many failures early on, as he could never keep his damn mouth shut.

Cid wandered over to the car, running his fingertips along the chipped paint. He remembered telling Vincent that it wouldn't be cheap to fix it, and that it would be better just to get a new car if they couldn't salvage the parts from somewhere. Two weeks of taking his lunch out to the scrap yards, of dragging Vincent along, and somehow they managed to not get on each other's nerves _and_ find the parts.


	8. bet i never will

When he rounded the front of the car and stood in front of the headlights, there came a hissing noise to his right. Cid turned on his heel, frowning at the glow of pink and purple orbs that popped up from the ground. From the shadows beneath, a motley group of creatures rose up, gaudy and bizarre. Three fat purple lizards that were all mouth with too many perfectly square teeth, a half a dozen fluttering balls of fuzz with fangs, two deer-like creatures with antlers shaped like musical horns, and at the back, a huge two-legged dinosaur that let out a fearsome roar. The orbs of light dissipated at the noise.

"What the _fuck_ ," Cid yelped, and jumped back.

Galian Beast rushed forward, putting itself between him and the creatures. It growled, tossing its head.

The swarm of fluttering creatures came at the beast first, swarming it with high pitched shrieks. As Galian Beast thrashed about, spitting out bursts of fire, the lizard creatures sank back into shadow, splitting up to converge on the beast from all sides.

Meanwhile, the larger monsters set their sights on Cid. The two deer things lowered their heads and charged at different angles; Cid spun in place to dodge the faster one on the left, then staggered the other way to avoid the other on the right a moment later. The dinosaur came barreling up, lunging to try and bite Cid's head off. He dropped to his knees, narrowly avoiding the snap of teeth.

As Cid scrambled away on hands and knees, he wished he had his spear. Or any weapon at all. A distracted sort of understanding registered from the part of his head that belonged to the beast. It let out a warning roar, right before setting off explosive blasts of fire, sending the lizards flying. One of them dissolved in a puff of smoke and sparkles. The other two hit the walls and sank back into shadow. The flying creatures were evaporated outright.

One of the deer reared up and charged at Cid, missing by half a foot. It slammed into the side of the car, denting the door deeply, and slumped down, stunned. The other danced in a circle, emitting blasts of discordant noise from its horns. The noise was like nails on chalkboard, stabbing straight through Cid's skull, slowing his reaction timing.

The dinosaur took advantage, thundering up with jaws opened wide. If not for Galian Beast jumping in the way, loosing more fire, Cid would've died then and there. The dinosaur recoiled with a snarl, shaking its head.

The beast turned on Cid, opening its mouth. A small orb of fire formed between its teeth, growing until it was as big as a softball. Though it looked like an attack, understanding filled Cid's head.

Without hesitation, he reached into the beast's mouth, pushing his fingers into the fire. It didn't burn. The shape changed, growing longer and solid. He grabbed it and pulled, then sprang to his feet and swung it just in time to smash the newly formed spear into one of the lizards as it sprang from his shadow. On impact, the spear let off a burst of flame.

"Hell yeah!" Cid thumbed his nose, grinning. "That's more like it."

With a pleased huff, the beast threw itself back into the fray, latching onto the dinosaur's neck to tear and thrash while dangling. Cid ran to the side, getting out of the way as the dinosaur began to throw its weight around wildly.

He went for the deer, making fast jabs to throw off its noise-making. The deer danced back, trying and failing to escape the reach of Cid's spear. It ducked its head, using its antlers to fend off some of the hits. Black ichor and hissing shadows spurted out from the slashes on its chest, shoulders, and neck.

The last of the lizards came up behind Cid, lashing its long tongue out to grab him by the ankle, yanking him to his knees. Cid bit the inside of his cheek with a muffled curse, then grabbed at the lizard’s tongue to yank and twist, forcing the lizard to remain above-ground. He brought the spear down on its head, smashing it to fractured pieces of light and shadow.

With a roar, the dinosaur threw Galian Beast off. The beast flipped in the air and landed heavily on top of the car, dripping ichor from its maw. Beneath it, the stunned deer finally struggled up, shaking its head. Just in time for the beast to jump onto its back, tearing its throat out. As the deer dissipated, the beast landed in a crouch, glaring up at the dinosaur.

Cid finished off the other deer with a couple fast jabs, then stood to face the last enemy. The dinosaur threw its head back with a roar, then swung its whole body, tail cutting through the air. Cid and the beast ducked, but the attack was so fast that it sent out a blast of air that knocked them both back against the car.

"Fuck!" Cid braced his spear on the ground and staggered back up to his feet.

The dinosaur jumped at them, kicking with its huge back claws. Galian Beast threw itself against Cid's side, throwing them both out of the way. Cid lost his grip on the spear as he hit the ground. The car was flattened in a flare of sparks and the crunch of metal.

Furious now, Cid slapped his hands against the cement and threw himself to his feet. He flung one hand out to the side and the spear reformed in it. The brand on his back blazed to life, hot but not painful.

"To me!" he shouted, and Galian Beast jumped over.

Cid sank his hand into the fiery mane and _pulled_ , not physically, but mentally. He withdrew the beast back into himself, and then pushed it out in another way. Fire blazed up around his hands and feet, forming a facsimile of claws. A halo of flames flared above his head, splitting to become horns. Cid felt his senses sharpen, his teeth lengthening. He threw his head back and it was the beast's roar that came out of his throat.

He jumped at the dinosaur, so fast that it was like teleporting directly from the floor to its back. Cid smashed his spear into its side, and a pillar of fire went up, a slow-rising orb in the center. As he jumped at the dinosaur's head for another hit, the orb exploded, making the creature stagger with a pained snarl. Each time Cid lashed out, he left behind one of the pillars, each one sheltering an orb until it went off.

The dinosaur never stood a chance. It went down and became so much smoking ash and shadow, dissolving as if it never existed.

Cid landed neatly a few feet away, breathing heavily. He let go of the beast, letting it tumble back out of him. The spear faded away as their concentration faltered.

"Holy shit." Cid sank down to his knees, pushing his hands against his head. "That was... a hell of a kick."

Galian Beast huffed, laying its head against his side. They were both exhausted but alive. Victory tasted like smoke, with as much satisfaction as the first hit of nicotine.

In the aftermath of the fight, exhaustion kept Cid from getting back up. He slumped against the ruined car, knees up and arms draped on top, and closed his eyes, waiting for the fatigue to ease. He wouldn't get to sleep easily on cold concrete, and any bed he might have access to would require being able to walk straight.

The beast was in much the same state, curled up against his side. It panted softly, tongue lolling. When he patted at its shoulder, it thumped the end of its tail in a half-hearted show of good cheer.

A sudden blaze of light from the front of the car made Cid sit up. He frowned, watching the shifting greenish light. It didn't fade any after several minutes. With a bracing inhale, he got up to his feet, leaning against the car to keep his balance.

There, about a foot or so in front of the car, was a swirling green portal. Through it, Cid could make out the fuzzy shapes of the damn stairs going down.

"We gonna keep goin' fuckin' back to that shit?" Cid shook his head. "Hell nah, I need rest, fucker."

Nothing happened. The portal continued to pulsate steadily. The garage remained empty and cold. The beast looked up at Cid with a low whine, head tilted.

"Fuck this."

If the next destination _was_ going right back to the basement, then it shouldn't matter if he got some sleep first. Either the scene would change when he woke, or he'd go through the portal later.

Cid shoved away from the car and made his wobbly way across the garage. The door to the lobby was unlocked. He made a beeline for one of the battered couches in the waiting area and sprawled on it, one arm draped over his face. Not long after, the beast came slinking in to stretch out on the floor. Cid let his hand drop to rest against its back, feeling the steady rise and fall of breathing.

They napped off and on, always waking in the same place.

The portal was still there when Cid felt well enough to get up. He stood in front of it with his hands on his hips, chewing on the filter of a cigarette. Behind him, the beast paced around, a little nervous but mostly restless.

“Ya reckon we’re s’posed to take care of that big fucker?”

Something approaching agreement from the beast. Cid grunted, rocking on his heels. He loathed the idea of going back down there, of being on that platform, of the whole damn mess. The portal and the lack of things changing while he slept didn’t follow the weird kind of pattern that had been established so far. He didn’t like it. Logic to the madness was getting increasingly harder to find, and it chafed.

“Alright, c’mere, let’s get this shit over with…”

When the beast came over, Cid recalled it back into his head. Or his heart. Wherever it went when it stopped being a physical thing and became so many errant thoughts and feelings cluttering up his mind.

He stepped through the portal. A sensation like ice water washed over him, making him shiver and gasp, clutching at his elbows. Cid came out on the other side not at the top of the stairs, nor even anywhere _near_ the stairs. He blinked a little numbly at the barred door in front of him, then turned to look over his shoulder at the long, dark hallway with all its rustling chains.

“Straight to the damn point, huh?”

Before Cid opened the doors, he let the beast back out. Its light illuminated the walls and he kind of wished it hadn’t. Where before it had been all hard-packed dirt, the walls were comprised entirely of countless bones, mostly skulls. Blessedly, the floor remained unchanged and whole.

The room on the other side of the doors was different, too. Still huge, still lacking light, but as far as Cid could tell, there was no longer a metal platform hanging over the void. He and the beast stood at the precipice with nowhere to go.

“What the hell?”

Galian Beast pawed at the edge. Its claws should have found only air and slipped downwards; instead, as they slid past the edge, sparks of mottled reds, blues, and greens went off. Cid blinked at the lightshow and bent to poke at the seemingly empty air. His fingers met a solid barrier that lit up dimly on being touched. He pulled the unlit cigarette from his mouth and flicked it out. It landed a few feet away and did not fall.

“Oh hell fuckin’ no. I hate this. This is fuckin’ worse than the _last_ iteration of this bullshit.”

The beast, lacking an ounce of sense, decided to jump out headlong. For one heart-stopping moment, Cid was convinced it would plummet to its death. Then it landed, legs splayed and head tilted. The barrier held, acting like a normal floor. Galian Beast straightened, then began to paw at the semi-invisible floor as though trying to dig.

“Hey, let’s not fuckin’ try our luck here, ya damn idiot!” Cid stood and took a tentative step out onto the barrier. “If we gotta fuckin’ cross this shit, go soft. Might fuckin’ break or some shit.”

With a snort that expelled smoke from its nostrils, Galian Beast let up on trying its luck. It eyed Cid for a moment, then began to walk stiff-legged across the barrier. Cid followed a little more cautiously, watching his footing.

Every step they took stirred up the lights, which radiated outwards, like ripples in water. Some of those ripples bounced back, as though hitting an unseen barrier. Otherwise, they seemed to dissipate altogether after about five feet, replaced by new ones whenever he or the beast moved.

Curious enough to investigate, Cid strayed towards one of the places where the ripples rebounded. He put his hand out, half expecting to find some sort of invisible wall, and met no resistance. With a furrowed brow, he crouched, waving his hand through the air. Still nothing, all the way down to the floor. There, he found a two inch high lip separating him from the void.

"Oh, shit," he breathed, and scooted back away from the hole. "Hey, furball, ya better stop!"

Galian Beast stilled, looking back at him with a tilted head. Cid stood and walked over to it, one step at a time, always watching the lights. The beast, thinking it a game, danced around in a circle, setting off lights every which way. The ripples revealed that they were surrounded on all sides by some sort of curving canyon. A dead end.

"C'mon, follow right behind me. Don't stray."

Cid led back the way they'd come, then paced to find another safe route. To the right, two huge holes sat with a foot of space between them. Cid eased along the narrow path, constantly checking over his shoulder that the beast hadn't slipped. Galian Beast's red-and-yellow eyes were trained on him, head low, as it took one step at a time, each paw coming down in a straight line as though it walked a tightrope.

Their path curved around the leftmost hole. Rocky walls loomed out of the darkness to the right, too steep and smooth to think of climbing. Ahead of them, little flickers of light suggested something else lurked in the darkness. Cid made a soft shushing noise, slowing their pace down even further to reduce noise.

Eventually, their path widened and branched off into four different turns. Cid considered their options, thumbing at his lip, and then decided to go for the one that seemed most likely to take them to the flickers of light. After a few random zigs and zags, they came to a large chunk of barrier that seemed totally solid. Overhead, Cid thought he heard the faint clinking of chains, but could not see anything in the total darkness above.

The thing in the dark turned out to be the same thing as before--a huge, sightless heartless that resembled Galian Beast. Its snores rumbled loudly, and the flashes of light came from minute twitches of its limbs against the barrier.

He kept coming back down to the basement for a reason. Every time, he encountered the heartless in some way. The first time, he'd avoided it by ducking into the side room. The second, they'd died in its fire. He hoped they weren't in for a repeat of disaster.

Cid settled his hand against Galian Beast's back, stilling the beast's restless movements. A feeling of watchfulness settled over him; the beast awaited his next move.

Disturbing the heartless from its slumber was probably a terrible idea, but Cid couldn't think of much else to do. It seemed to be blocking their path. He cast spear-shaped thoughts at Galian Beast, half convinced it wouldn't work. The beast lifted its head, opening its mouth wide. The small fire orb appeared, crackling softly. Cid pulled the spear from it and immediately felt better about the situation as a whole.

Just in time, too, as the heartless gave a particularly loud snort, beginning to wake up. Cid pointed to the right with a whispered, "Scatter," and sprang away the opposite direction.

Even if the heartless _could_ see, it would have never seen them coming from both sides. Cid jumped up into the air and came down spear first. The blade slid neatly between ribs, a spray of hot ichor splattering Cid's front. The heartless screeched awake, jolting up, and then staggered as Galian Beast slammed into the other side, fire exploding on impact.

Cid let go of the spear and kicked off as the heartless threw its weight, trying to dislodge him. He landed, flexing his hand behind him to resummon the spear. On the other side of the heartless, he saw the tell-tale glow of Galian Beast landing and pacing to avoid aimless swipes of tail and back claws.

"Oi, fuckhead, come at me!!" Cid shouted.

It whirled towards him, maw opened wide. Fire welled up in the back of its throat, spinning tight to form an orb that swelled in size and rose above its head. Cid didn't stick around for the launch, jumping to the side. The blaze of heat blowing by behind him ruffled his clothes, especially the red scarf, but he escaped unscathed.

Galian Beast took advantage of the distraction to jump onto the thing's back. While it thrashed around, the beast latched on with claws and teeth. Cid darted in to make quick jabs at soft spots whenever he could, keeping it spinning and stumbling and spitting fire aimlessly.

Little by little, the beast worked its way up to the neck. The next time the heartless threw its head back to summon one of the bigger flame orbs, Galian Beast lunged with its own orbs, tearing through flesh. The heartless made a sharp gurgling noise, fire dissipating in so much smoke, and collapsed.

Cid jumped back, narrowly avoiding when the thing's head hit the ground and rolled away. "No fuckin' way," he muttered, tapping the spear against his boot. "That all?"

Galian Beast jumped off the fallen monster's back and trotted over. Its lower jaw and front were stained with black ichor.

"Damn messy..."

His gaze strayed to the corpse, which remained solid, bleeding from numerous wounds. He could make out oozing purple muscles, bone, and the esophagus in the neck, which was particularly nasty. And weird. Heartless always dissipated after death, never leaving a corpse. They never bled, either, come to think.

The body twitched.

"Ah, hell, 'course that was too fuckin' easy."

The heartless shuddered all over. Thick black liquid poured from the neck, spreading and drowning out the light beneath it. The ichor formed the shape of three distinct heads, flat at first but rising to become three dimensional and solid, bone first, then muscles and blood vessels, then tongues lolling from between sharp teeth, and finally skin and fur and that awful black-and-red emblem over the eyes.

With a trio of roars, the three-headed monstrosity rose up. Its wounds closed in clouds of smoky shadow.

"Fuuuuuck."

The heartless lunged forward. Cid and Galian Beast scattered, avoiding a barrage of jaw snaps.

The left head turned to follow Cid, and when it opened its maw, it was not fire that swelled up from the throat, but the crackle of lightning. It spit out small, sparking balls that rolled across the barrier, arcing electricity all around. Even as Cid managed to avoid most of them, some of the fingers of electricity reached far enough to catch his ankle with enough voltage to make him stumble, the nerves going numb. The pins and needle sensation crawled up his leg and into his side.

The middle head reared back, forming the familiar ball of fire. Because it had two other heads to attack with, it could take its time forming it, resulting in a much larger radius.

The right head followed Galian Beast, spewing a noxious green cloud. The beast retaliated by spitting fire, burning away as much of the poison as possible. Running did no good, but stopping to burn things gave the heartless time to turn its full body towards the beast, unleashing poison, fire, and lightning all at once.

The beast could not dodge fast enough, and Cid felt scattered and unfocused, distracted by the numb tingling and unable to move. Galian Beast spit fire, fending off the poison cloud, and ran headlong into the huge fireball. It came out the other side unscathed, but the lightning caught up to it. With a pained yelp, the beast shuddered and sank.

The heartless reared up and slammed its front paws down on either side of the beast, trapping it. Snarling, it lunged, one head at a time, biting into the soft purple fur. Caught between three heads, Galian Beast struggled, its growls half a whine.

Cold realization cut through Cid's stunned fog. He could be _alone_ again. The thought brought dread, which did him no good, and the hot burn of anger in the back of his throat, which was better.

With what felt like a herculean amount of effort, Cid concentrated on pulling the beast to safety. "C'mon ya dumb fuck, _let go_ ," he hissed between grit teeth, feeling the vein in his temple begin to pulse.

Just as it seemed the heartless might succeed in ripping Galian Beast in three, the beast's form shattered apart into so much light. Its consciousness flooded the back of Cid's head, safe and sound, but greatly weakened.

The heartless howled, enraged at the loss of its prey, and began to stomp around wildly, thrashing and snapping and spewing magic every which way. Cid limped as quick as he could out of the way, using his spear like a walking stick. The more he moved, the easier it became, until the numbness vanished altogether and he could run and jump with ease.

Since there remained only one target, the heartless chased Cid relentlessly. There never seemed to be an opening for him to retaliate with three heads to contend with, each with a different element.

Feeling so helpless frustrated him. The anger built and built until it sang through his nerves, making him move faster but sloppier. Lightning flew over his head, poison clouds penned him in on all sides, and a fire orb rolled through the air, coming straight at him.

Death seemed inevitable.

As he braced himself for impact, spear held at an angle in front of himself, he wondered what the point was. If he died, he'd probably end up back down in the basement again, forced to deal with the stupid monstrous bastard. In the back of his head, Galian Beast pushed at its confines, frantic but too weak to do anything.

The whole damn thing was stupid. He'd been dragged through nightmarish settings, forced to watch his dead lover's memories, killed more than once, and for _what_?

Fire roared up from around his feet, spinning in a vortex. Cid let the beast out, but not as itself. Once again, the flames formed claws and horns, encasing him in its protection. He swung the spear, splitting the fireball in half. Flames scattered on all sides, burning away the poison. When the lightning came arcing from either side, Cid lept way up high, easily avoiding it.

His anger sang out, begging for release. The beast howled through his vocal cords, calling up orbs of fire that spun around them. Cid came down like a torpedo, streaking fire in his wake, and smashed into the heartless emblem on the left head. The orbs exploded, waves of fire radiating outwards in a sheer wall of noise and heat.

Cid bounced off, leaving a caved in skull and scorched flesh behind. The head fell limp with one last crackle of electrical sparks from its maw.

The heartless went wild, lashing out with teeth and claws, trying desperately to catch him. Cid jumped away, smacking his spear into the side of one head hard enough to make it knock into the other.

While it staggered, he jumped up, calling more fire to spin around him. This time, he swung his spear, loosing them as projectiles. They arced through the air, streaming tails stretching out behind them. The orbs changed shape, splitting down the middle to reveal teeth made of flame, curved horns jutting above, and coal red eyes that blazed with fury. By the time they reached the heartless, they looked like clones of Galian Beast. They tore into the heartless, latching on and refusing to be thrown.

As he fell, Cid spun the spear, gripped it in both hands with the point straight down. The heartless stumbled back, out of range, trying to buck its unwanted passengers.

The scarf fluttered wildly behind Cid, then gave a solid flap, slowing his descent. In the next moment, he felt as though he'd gained two extra limbs. He didn't know _how_ he knew how to fly, but he angled his body instinctively, flying through the air to get above the heartless. Then he folded his wings of cloth and dive bombed the middle head.

When he slammed into it, spear piercing through the top of the skull and coming out through the bottom of the jaw to sink into the neck below, the clones of Galian Beast blasted apart. Cid let go of the spear and took to the air as the fire spread. He called his spear to his hand, but he never had to go down for the final head; the whole heartless went up in flames, screaming as it died.

Cid landed on slightly unsteady legs, watching with narrowed eyes as the heartless collapsed into a heap of ashes. A soft red glow rose up from the ashes. A heart, sparkling and freed from its torment, even though he was no keyblade wielder. The heart faded away, leaving behind a sense of quiet calm.

The barrier lit up, glowing soft red like the heart had. The entire cavern was illuminated in the shifting light, revealing an exit on the far side.

Cid released his hold on the beast's power, letting the poor thing collapse in the back of his head for some much needed rest. He still trembled with adrenaline, and sought to remedy that with some nicotine, shoving a cigarette between his teeth and, after several moments of struggling to hold the lighter steady, finally managed to light up.

He took a few bracing pulls from the cigarette, head tilted back and eyes closed. Then he started walking for the exit.


	9. picture for a moment

As he passed the heap of ashes, something in the middle of it caught his eye. Cid crouched to poke at it. A gleaming marble, soot-stained but glowing in its middle. When he picked it up, a shock of power buzzed up his arm, spreading warmth through his veins and settling deep in his core. Galian Beast stirred in the back of his head, excited.

Cid heard Vincent's voice: "Why do you try so hard to get in my good graces, Highwind?" But when he looked around, there was no one there. He remembered that conversation, though.

A rainy day, a few months after he and Vincent spent two weeks of lunch breaks hunting for salvageable parts. Cid made a point of inviting Vincent to lunch every day after that. Dinner, too, but Vincent never took him up on anything after dark. He usually didn't accept the lunch invitations, either, with the claim that his workload was too large for frivolous activities.

"You're an interestin' man, Valentine," he told Vincent, standing out in the rain at the top of the stairs leading down to the man's basement apartment. "Ain't told me to fuck off yet, so ya gonna invite me in?"

"You'll drip all over my floors." Vincent sighed, but still stepped back to let Cid come in. "Don't go anywhere, I'll get towels..."

The apartment was sparsely furnished with the bare necessities except for the bookshelves that lined every wall, packed tight. None of the books looked like the kind that were purely for display and status. Paperbacks with bent spines, hardcovers lacking their jackets, and books lying open on every available surface. Well-loved and well-read books.

Vincent came back, tossing ragged towels at Cid. He shed his jacket and boots, thought better of losing his damp shirt and pants, then toweled off.

"So, spend all your free time with your nose in a book?"

"Or being harassed by noisy idiots..."

Cid remembered laughing and _not_ getting kicked back out into the rain. In fact, he'd lured Vincent into debates about one of his favorite series, and made them lunch. Couldn't remember what he'd cooked, but he remembered the way Vincent's eyes slanted nearly shut, a small, secret smile hiding at the corners of his mouth whenever he thought Cid wasn't looking.

"There better be a fuckin' point to all this painful rememberin'," Cid grouched. "Almost eleven years now without ya. Ain’t gettin’ any damn easier.”

The orb fractured apart in his hands, the flutters of light rising like the heart had. Cid dusted his ashy fingers off on his pants as he stood, and then marched for the exit, not looking back.

Walking through the portal felt like splashing through freezing water. Wet cold smacked into his front, making Cid gasp and stumble. On the other side, the ground was a good foot or so lower; he fell face first into a deep snowdrift with a soft whump. The scarf flipped up and settled over his head as he laid there in stunned shock and annoyance.

Cid jerked up to his knees, flailing to get the scarf out of the way. "Why the fuuhh--" The curses died low in his throat.

He was in the middle of the gardens near the castle. A brown-haired teen ran by, laughing. Her face was flushed with the cold even though she was all bundled up in scarves, gloves, and heavy winter clothes. Stumbling after her, finally not out of place in his bulky red scarf, came Vincent, gawky in his adolescence. He had powdery snow caught on his shoulders and hair.

Cid sank back on his butt, watching them duck and weave and fling snow at one another. It was a nice, pretty afternoon, the sun just peeking out from behind the clouds. A precious memory, and confirmation that Vincent and Lucrecia had known each other for a long time.

Other youths joined them, faces Cid didn't recognize, and faces that couldn't have been there. Squall, Cloud, Aerith, Tifa, and even Yuffie, all about the ages they'd been when the world fell. Even if their presence was a mere dream, Cid found himself smiling to see them so happy.

One day, he hoped the weather patterns of Radiant Garden would stabilize enough for true seasons again. He missed predictable weather. Without irrigation, greenhouses, and constant climate control, it was nearly impossible to grow anything. But mostly, he missed wintry holidays, and longed to be able to goof off in the snow with all the kids, grown or not.

As he watched, the kids vanished behind trees or bushes and didn't come back into sight. Lucrecia and Vincent were the last to do the disappearing trick, their laughter fading away.

Cid stood, dusting snow off his pants. He picked his way out of the snow and onto the cleared path. After a quick glance around, he decided to head further into the gardens. The beast stirred in the back of his head, a little antsy, but he soothed it back down with thoughts of a bed piled high with pillows and comforters. That seemed to work, as the beast lapsed back into quiet.

Ahead, Lucrecia stepped out from beneath a tree. She looked a little older beneath a woolen hood, red like the borrowed scarf wrapped around her shoulders. She wandered to a stop in front of a stone planter, standing with her gloved hands tucked into her sleeves.

Cid sidled over to stand a respectful distance away. He didn't have long to wait to find out what she was up to. Vincent came up the path to join her, smiling shyly. The two youths embraced, then walked hand-in-hand further into the garden. Cid watched them go, preferring not to pry too deeply.

After they vanished from his line of sight, Cid walked on, climbing the stairs to the higher levels of the garden. He looked back, admiring the view from above, and watched without real surprise as Vincent and Lucrecia walked from behind the hedges, arm in arm as they talked animatedly. Lucrecia wore a long white coat, like the scientists from the castle. They circled around the large decorative planters and disappeared on the other side.

A crunch of ice made Cid turn around, just in time to watch Lucrecia come from the direction of the castle. She huddled into the red scarf and walked slowly. When she nearly slipped on the ice, her arms dropped to shield her belly. She let out a hysterical little giggle, bent at the waist, and didn't move for several minutes.

Cid walked over to stand near her, head tilted. When she straightened, he couldn't tell what her belly looked like under so many layers of clothing. He could only make assumptions based on her behavior.

Vincent walked up the stairs not long after, and, on seeing her doubled over, he hurried over so quick that he _did_ slip. He went down to one knee, with a soft grunt and a wide-eyed look of shock.

"Oh, Vincent!" Lucrecia yelped, righting herself in a hurry. "Are you okay?!"

"I'm alright." He struggled back to his feet and limped over. "Are _you_?"

"Yes, yes, don't worry, but... I've got something I should tell you."

A guarded look crept onto Vincent's face. Softly, he asked, "What is it?"

Lucrecia laid her hand against his arm, smiling a little sadly. "I'm... pregnant, Vincent." She tucked her chin. "I know you said you didn't... want children. I'm sorry."

"Oh, Lucy." Vincent pulled her into a hug, pressing his face into her hair. "Don't be sorry. I-- I'll do whatever you need."

Cid left them like that, hands shoved deep in his pockets as he walked on towards the castle. He thought about the guilt Vincent carried around later on, too heavy to live with. Without intervention, it would have eventually killed him. Maybe it had, in the end.

With those gloomy thoughts, Cid climbed the stairs that lead up to the castle gates. He did not see anymore visions of Vincent and Lucrecia. The higher he climbed, the darker the sky became, afternoon sliding away to dusky skies. The stars sped by, streaks of light leaving the beginning of winter behind. Cid paused, watching. Snow flurried around him, piling up and melting and falling, a cycle that went all winter long.

The stars stopped. Cid turned in place, picking out each of the constellations. From their placement, he knew it to be the tail end of winter, just before spring.

When he lowered his gaze to climb up the last set of stairs, he found Vincent sitting near the top, exactly as Cid remembered him. Long haired, beginning to put a little weight on, fitting in his guard uniform more easily, his left arm encased in a brassy gold gauntlet. The scarf frayed at the ends, long overdue for mending.

"I'm sorry I never showed up," Vincent said, looking straight at Cid. "I made you wait..."

"Wait for what?"

"Your birthday."

"Oh, yeah." Cid averted his gaze, tucking his hands beneath his arms.

His twenty-third birthday, a few months before the world fell to darkness. Despite telling Cid to expect him, Vincent never showed up that night. Nor any night for the next couple of weeks. Cid still felt the sickening worry and fear crawling up the back of his throat, the crippling self-doubt that he hadn't been good enough to keep Vincent happy.

And then one day, Vincent came back, cold and distant and _changed_.

The Vincent on the stairs repeated, "Sorry."

Cid shook his head, trying and failing to put a brave face on. "Nah, shit happens, right?" He peered at Vincent, about to say something else equally glib, but the words caught.

Blood ran in rivulets down the stairs. Vincent sat hunched forward, forehead practically pressed to his knees. His shoulders shook with the effort of not making a sound.

"Oh, shit, what happened, darlin'?" Cid hurried over, knowing it wasn't really his Vincent, but unable to help himself all the same.

Vincent sagged against him. The blood poured from his back in two long slashes. "I... you're not real. I'm dreaming... always. This is... my punishment."

"For _what_?"

"I killed her. Her son. And you... I failed to protect them. Our world... I brought the darkness. I was the first."

"Ya didn't do any of that shit, Vince." Cid cupped Vincent's face in his hands, as gentle as possible. "Not everything's your damn fault."

"My... my heart ran rampant. Do you remember? That monstrosity..."

In the back of Cid's head, the beast woke. Its thoughts were a warm pulse, echoing his heartbeat. He swiped his thumb along Vincent's cheek. "...Yeah. I think I get it. They did some fucked up shit in that castle, didn't they?"

"Hm." Vincent's eyes slipped closed. He was fading fast. "Do you... have it? My heart..."

"Think so."

"Then... find the other me."

Vincent let out one last exhale before collapsing into so much blood. His form dissolved, pouring down the stairs in a waterfall that flooded past Cid's ankles. Cid recoiled, dropping his bloodstained hands to his sides, and stood numb and thoughtless for several minutes.

Then he climbed on, leaving bloodied boot prints behind.

The castle gates stood ajar, the fluorescent lights with the faintest flicker somehow more menacing than total darkness. Cid entered with his head down and his teeth grit against the low buzz that filled his skull, making it hard to think. He struggled to sense Galian Beast, muffled by so much white noise and the slow rise of pain. By the time he made it to the stairwell leading down to the basement, his vision went foggy, wobbling at the edges.

At the bottom of the first flight of stairs, a swirling portal that looked like blood on snow awaited Cid. He descended, squinting straight ahead, and thought very little of the wash of chill as he passed through it. The light became so blinding that his eyes watered, stinging. He threw his arm over his face, eyes shut tight, and yet the light seemed to sear right through every barrier.

The agony eased little by little. Cid lowered his arm, blinking rapidly until his vision cleared. He swiped the back of his hand against his eyes to scrub away the last of the tears.

On the other side of the portal was a cavernous white room. Floors, walls, and ceilings, everything was white. Even the lone operating table in the middle of the room was white, though stained with red. Cid looked uneasily around, remembering the room from before. The walls did not begin to creep in on him inch by inch.

The man sitting on the end of the bed looked like Vincent. Cid approached slowly, gaze meeting those bloody red eyes. There was no warmth in them.

"Highwind," the man said, in Vincent's voice. He brushed his long black hair out of a face identical to Vincent’s with a lazy flick of his fingers. "How long I have waited for you..."

"It was ya, at the end, wasn't it. Not Vincent."

"You finally realized?"

"Yeah... Ya were so _cold_."

"Comes of not having a heart, I suppose." The man slid off of the bed, stepping close to Cid to loom over him. "Was I not a good enough replacement? I did everything expected of me..."

"I never asked ya to." Cid shook his head. "Ya weren't whole, and ya weren't happy, playin' at bein' somethin' ya weren't..."

"I cannot feel anything, Highwind."

Cid shot the man a sharp look. "S'that why ya been showin' me all these things, waitin' for me to find ya?"

With a hollow laugh, the man tucked his chin, hiding his face behind a curtain of black hair. He lacked the tattered red scarf to completely hide his mean smirk.

"Maybe I only wanted to make you suffer as we did."

"I don't fuckin' think so."

"What do _you_ know?" the man hissed, and shoved at Cid, making him stagger several steps back. "I fought for you! I saved your precious brats!! I _died_ for you, even if I felt _nothing_!"

Cid pulled the scarf from around his shoulders. He ran his fingers over the rough cloth, then held it out. "I never asked your name so I could thank ya properly. You're the reason Cloud and Tifa made it out, right?"

The man's face went slack, eyes widening the slightest fraction. Sluggishly, he reached out to take the scarf, clutching at it. "My name is Xaos."

"Chaos?"

"Something like that..."

"Sure been fuckin' chaotic relivin' all Vincent's memories," Cid muttered.

The man laughed again, this time with tears slipping freely down his cheeks. "...Oh. This is... what it feels like to have a heart, then? I think I hate it." He swiped his hands against his cheeks furiously, averting his gaze.

"Come home with me."

"You can't fix us."

"I ain't never wanted to fix anybody," Cid denied. "Makin' it to another day's all I ever asked for."

Xaos wrapped the scarf around his neck and shoulders, sinking his nose into it. He inhaled, exhaled. "You're still sneaking cigarettes. Tsk." Neatly sidestepping the things he didn’t want to talk about, just like Vincent.

"Can ya fuckin' blame me,” Cid said, unable to help but chase the shift in topic to its completion, even after all these long years. “It's goddamn stressful out there, with all the heartless and shit."

"You promised to try to quit. Why should I go with a man with weak convictions?"

"The fuck else ya expect me to do!?" Cid sliced his hand through the air, then began to pace, scuffing his boots noisily on the floor with each step. "Ya _died_. Our world fell to the fuckin' darkness and I couldn't fuckin' save everyone."

"Convince me to come back with you, Highwind," Xaos said.

Cid stopped short, staring. He worked his jaw side to side, frowning. "...Ain't it enough that I'm here?"

"No."

"Why the fuck not?"

"Perhaps I never intended for you to fall into my nightmares." Xaos backed up to the bed, sitting on the end of it again. "Perhaps this was all supposed to be my penance. An eternity of nightmares because I was the first, because it was my heart that destroyed our world, because I am a nobody without the ability to feel true remorse."

Thumbing the side of his nose, Cid glanced off to the side. "Sounds like a load of bullshit to me."

"What would _you_ know?"

"I know I'm dyin' slow without Vincent, so if I gotta beat ya senseless and drag ya back together, I goddamn will." As he said this, Cid squared his shoulders and jutted his chin, glaring at Xaos.

Xaos snorted, disdainful. "You are too weak to win that fight."

Clenching his fists, Cid grit his teeth, fighting back the urge to start throwing punches right then and there. “Cocky jackass, ain’t ya?”

“Only a statement of truth.”

Rage boiled up the back of his throat, searing like fire. He thought he could actually taste the ashes, bitter and horrible. Cid closed his eyes, shaking under the tidal wave of the beast's emotions. It slammed against the confines, trying and failing to get out.

"Fuckin'... _stop_ ," Cid grit out. "Ain't do either of us a fuckin' lick of good to keep fightin' now!" He wasn’t sure if he was yelling at the beast, himself, Xaos, or all three of them, but shouting seemed to help him wrestle the rage down.

He opened his eyes, staring at Xaos. The man looked faintly ill, lips thinned out and gaze unfocused. He only seemed to get himself together as the beast subsided into sulky silence. They could feel each other, two halves calling out to be reunited even as they rebelled against the idea.

Cid blew out a long breath. His temples pounded with the beginnings of a tension headache. "...what do ya want me to do?"

"You..." Xaos closed his eyes and sat motionless for several long moments. When he reopened them, he was calm and cool again, squaring his shoulders and meeting Cid's gaze evenly. "I want to see the heart of the man I should care about. Show me _your_ nightmares." He slid from the bed, holding his arm out towards it. "If you can survive them, then I will submit."

"No dickin' 'round," Cid said. "Ya gonna take this heart and be Vincent again, if I do this?"

"I will."

"...Alright."

Cid stepped up to the bed, looking down at the blood stain on it with some distaste. It was old and crusted over. "Will ya tell me what they did to ya, when this is over?"

"You will have to ask Vincent."

"Hah. Right, 'cuz gettin' anything outta him is easy."

Grinning sardonically, Cid climbed onto the bed and laid on his back, one hand resting against his chest. He thought he could feel not one but two heart beats. Galian Beast pressed close to his thoughts, simultaneously fretful and reassuring.

"Ha.” Xaos came to stand beside the bed, chin tucked into the scarf. He peered down, the glow of his red eyes gleaming behind the fall of his long, dark hair. “Sleep, Highwind."

The room faded to darkness gradually. Only the red glow remained steady, always fixed on his face. Cid closed his eyes, not entirely convinced he _would_ go right to sleep, especially not with someone watching him. He lay there for a while, thinking of nothing in particular, making himself breathe deep and even.

Before he knew it, he drifted off.


	10. perfect irony

The final day of his apprenticeship, Cid scrambled out of his apartment before sunup. He raced down the stairs while still yanking his leather jacket on and tightening his belt. He slipped on the slick front steps, catching himself by his fingertips so he didn't smash face first into concrete. His on-and-off again girlfriend shouted at him from the upper windows, flapping the notebook they'd stayed up all night putting together.

"Oh, fuck, toss it down!"

"You owe me, Cid!" Shera shouted back, laughing.

"Whatever ya want, but later!"

The notebook fell through the air, pages flapping. Shera folded her arms on the window sill, leaning half out with her nightie slipping down one shoulder. She gave a sharp wolf whistle when Cid managed to snatch the notebook before it hit the wet, icy ground.

He gave a jaunty salute, grinning, and shoved the notebook inside his jacket, zipping up. Then he took off down the road.

A debilitating sense of wrongness suckerpunched him hard enough that he stumbled, slipping off the curb to splash one boot into the muddy slurry in the gutter. Abruptly, he did not _know_ who the girl in the window was. Cid looked back, panting harshly, but that couldn't be right. He _did_ know her.

Shera. Her name was Shera. They'd met at the corner store on main when they were sixteen. She'd thoroughly kicked his butt at the new Space Troopers arcade cabinet, then made him buy her dinner. She was his first, though hopefully not his last.

The confusion faded away, replaced with a misplaced sense of jealousy. Cid furrowed his brow, looking around warily, but there were no answers to be found. He couldn't think of a single reason to feel the way he did. Shera was a great girl, even if they did go through cycles of falling out, dating others, and making up. Unlike some of his partners, she never made him feel uncomfortable.

“...Ain't slept enough,” Cid grumbled, climbing out of the gutter and shaking his boot off.

And if he kept having these half awake brainstorming sessions about core pieces of his identity, he was going to be _late_. The sense of other vanished, everything going right as if he’d been looking at things crosseyed until that moment.

He jogged on, his boot squelching and freezing. That early in the morning, the streets remained mostly empty. He saw only a few people, busily preparing for a long morning of work. His stomach gurgled loudly as he trotted by the bakery, catching a whiff of still baking bread. As tempting as it was to stop for a bite to eat, he knew he didn’t have the time.

His master expected a worthwhile demonstration of his ability to craft working machines out of gummi. Supposedly she'd be bringing in potential employers later that morning to critique his work. Cid would be able to quit his job at the garage and move onto bigger things if he proved himself worthy of funding.

Though his master owned the garage and his apartment in the same district as the orphanage, her actual workshop lay in one of the north districts on the far side of town. It took Cid a good twenty minutes of jogging to get over there. The sun began to peek through the gloomy grey clouds, streaking them with faint pink.

"'Bout time you showed up," his master said, throwing the rolling shed doors up.

"I ain't runnin' late!"

"Still plenty of time for you to waste, boy." 

Cid ducked under the door, hurrying to the back, where his projects lay in haphazard heaps on worktables. The largest, a mostly finished single seat ship, sat on a lift at eye level. It still lacked landing gear and a windshield, but the engine ran fine last he checked.

While his master bustled around in the background turning on lights and throwing the blinds open, Cid shucked his coat, setting the notebook on one of the tables. He went to his locker to pull a jumpsuit, goggles, face mask, and gloves on.

Handling gummi carelessly was asking for trouble. The stuff wasn't toxic, per se, but in its raw form, it alternated between solid, liquid, and gaseous states depending on temperature and light. Only after being exposed to a specific compound of chemicals would it remain a block of rubbery, yet solid material. His master told him countless horror stories of apprentices that got limbs stuck in the gummi, or inhaled it, or got it in cuts.

Cid went to rifle through the airtight storage containers in the back room for likely looking pieces. The only light available to him was the dim blue strip along the top of the walls, not enough to aggravate any of the gummi. Though he didn't have enough time to craft a windshield, he definitely needed something to land with if he was going to take it for a test flight. He took his time, going less by sight and more by shape and weight of the blocks.

When he found the ones he wanted to use, he went to the next room over. In addition to the blue strip of lights along the walls, there were several adjustable table lamps attached to the worktables. A set of slides attached to the lamps allowed one to change the color of the light.

Cid set his blocks down on one of the tables, then went hunting for a large metal bowl and a funnel. He shifted the blocks into the bowl, leaving the funnel sitting nearby. Finally, he dragged a lamp closer, flicking it over to red before turning it onto the gummis.

The blocks softened, becoming like dough. Cid let them be for a minute, ducking under the table to pull a toolbox out. He pawed through it for a bottle of slimy tree oil to keep the gummi from sticking, a couple of palette scrapers, and rope. He set them on the table nearby, then wandered back out into the workshop proper to retrieve the molds he'd prepared a week ago.

Rather than try to mold the gummi by hand and hope he got all the edges perfectly straight, Cid often went scrounging for scrapped parts to cast molds from. Old planes rusting away in scrapyards were a dime a dozen. Finding one with its landing gear still intact took Cid awhile, but as he examined the molds, he felt a thrill of satisfaction all over again.

"I'm a goddamn genius."

"You been snortin' the gummi, boy?" his master called from her desk. "Holdin' conversations with you, yourself, and your invisible friends?"

"Oh, shuddap, ya ol' grand-hag!"

"Either get over here and get your ass kickin' or get your butt movin', they're comin' in a couple hours."

Cid slapped his hand against his bicep as he raised his other fist up at her. She flipped him off. Snickering, he hauled his box of molds into the crafting room.

For the next hour or so, Cid poured gummi into molds, securing them with rope and leaving them to set. He had one for every single part that needed to be separate and movable, all the way down to screws. It felt silly to do that, but using ordinary screws usually led to the thing rattling apart on takeoff. Gummi only stuck to gummi, and other metals tended to rub off the chemical compounds that kept it from becoming like elastic.

The potential employers showed up before everything finished setting. His master kept them busy for a while, showing them around the workshop. They listened attentively as she told them about Cid's skill, and they studied his smaller projects critically. Any time Cid tried to get involved, she chased him off, chiding him for leaving his molding unattended.

Luckily, gummi didn't take long to set. Cid got to work prying the molds open, quickly running them over to the machines on the far side of the room to run them through a chemical bath. They came out on the other side dry and shiny and not the least bit malleable. Perfect.

Then came assembling the parts, testing whether the wheels rolled and the gear could fold up properly. Cid loaded them up onto a cart and wheeled them out to his unfinished ship. He shed his mask, dumping it on a stool, and pulled the goggles up onto his head.

His master and their guests were gone, likely outside looking over some of the larger ships in the yard. Cid hummed to himself as he crawled under the ship and got to work securing the pieces.

Once installed, he leaned into the cockpit to turn the engine on. He flicked the switches for the landing gear, observing as they folded away or came back out without a hitch.

"Such a compact design," a man said from behind Cid, just as he shut the engines off. "Can it fly?"

Cid spun on his heel, grinning and thumbing his nose. "'Course it can!"

He blinked, abruptly hesitant, because the man was none other than Ansem the Wise, smiling benevolently as he studied the gummi ship. The older man circled the ship, hands behind his back. As he walked, his coat swayed, swishing softly. Cid's gaze was caught by the red scarf around Ansem's neck, his thoughts straying to a certain dark-haired guard.

"It lacks a windshield. Tell me, how will you decide the appropriate gummi to use?"

"Uh. Feelin' it out, prolly." Cid shrugged, rubbing at the back of his neck. "They got different weights, yeah? If that ain't work, ya can try changin' their state of matter around, see how they act."

"How they act?"

"Sure. The ones that'll be the most like glass get kinda grainy and shiny when they're liquid."

"Hmm... Clever." Ansem turned his head, looking over his shoulder as the others came back into the workshop. "Good luck with your demonstration... Highwind, was it?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

His master came over to clap him on the shoulder. "You ready, boy?"

"Yes'm!" Cid stepped up to meet the group of visitors. "Hey, folks. I'm Cid, and this here's the Highwind." He jerked his thumb back towards the little ship. "It's my own design, and I'm gonna show ya that it can fly."

Among the group, Cid noted the presence of some of the other scientists that worked with Ansem the Wise at the castle. One of the scientists eyed Cid with sharp orange eyes from behind a fall of white hair, making cold creep up his spine. Others included wealthy men and women from around the world, particularly the head of ShinRa Electric and his son, Rufus Shinra. They all made more money than Cid could ever dream of, and getting on their payroll would fix him up for life.

"Feel free to have a look, and then if y'all wanna step out back, I'll get her ready for lift off."

Standing aside while strangers circled and pawed at his ship rankled. Cid stuffed his hands into his pockets, rocking on his heels, and wished he had a cigarette or gum or _something_ to chew on. His master shot him sidelong looks, somewhat exasperated but mostly fond.

Little by little, the group meandered outside again, talking among themselves. A ship as small as Cid's was unheard of. Gummi was still a relatively new discovery, and everyone that worked with it tended to build large, with many chambers that could be shed or salvaged for parts as needed. The thought was that interplanetary travel would take so long that being cooped up in a car-sized space would be a detriment.

Cid intended to prove that theory wrong. His ships would make the jumps in under an hour.

"Alright, get her moved, boy," his master said, waving a hand over her shoulder without looking back as she went to join their guests.

That was part of the test. He needed to be able to get it out to the runway unassisted, since it was no larger than a car. Cid went over to the control panel for the lift and lowered the ship until it was about a foot off the ground. Then he reached into the ship to turn the engines back on long enough that he could let the landing gear out again. Finally, he lowered the lift the whole way down, setting the ship down on its new wheels.

He let out a breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding when the whole thing didn't collapse in on itself.

"Here we fuckin' go..."

Cid grabbed an old flight helmet from one of the shelves behind his worktables. He pulled his goggles down over his eyes as he yanked the helmet on, securing it under his neck. This would be the first test flight with a human passenger. Without a windshield and no launchpad, his goal wasn't space, but sustained air flight of at least three minutes without catastrophic failures.

His heart thrummed nervously against the inside of his rib cage, even as he felt a surge of excited energy swelling in his gut. This was it. This was the moment everything changed.

He climbed into the ship, strapped in, and started priming the engines. The panels reported everything as normal. Cid rolled the ship out of the workshop, going slow and careful so as to not clip the wings against anything.

Outside, the crowd of people stood a safe distance from the runway, all lined up to watch. Cid rolled to a stop in front of them, lifting one hand to wave. At his master's signal, he took off down the runway, picking up speed. Near the end, he pulled on the yoke and achieved liftoff. Cid let out a delighted whoop, sailing out over the city walls and cruising high above the glimmering lake.

Without a windshield, the wind battered him, challenging his right to be in the air. He heard little but the roar of the engine and the howling wind. The whole expanse of the lake and the horizon beyond stretched out before him. Birds scattered at his approach, some flapping their wings furiously enough to leave clouds of feathers in their wake. Over the smell of oil and gummi, he caught the ripe, wet stink of fish, algae, and gently rotting plants that came up off the lake all year long.

And all through it, his heart thundered triumphantly. Everyone saw that his little ship wasn’t to be underestimated. He’d shown them all that he was worth something, that he could be the best damn gummi engineer and pilot in the known universe.

Grinning, he checked the control panel now and then to make sure the engines held steady. After about two minutes recorded flight time, Cid tilted the yoke, dipping the right wing down as he turned back towards Radiant Garden.

The horizon behind Radiant Garden went black with rolling storm clouds. Streaks of blinding lightning arced down, striking the distant shores in brilliant flashes. Thunder so loud it cut through the rumble of the gummi engine crashed in the wake of each strike. The storm came on so sudden, and it soon filled the entire sky, trapping Cid in darkness.

No longer did the wind ask nicely for him to leave the skies. It rocked his ship, making the yoke jerk in his grip. He fought to keep control of it, to stay aloft. The only reason he wasn't thrown out of his ship was because he was strapped in securely.

He needed to land, and fast, and yet no matter how long he flew towards Radiant Garden, it never seemed any closer. Cid let out a stream of curses, muffled by the combined noise of the engine and the storm. He could feel himself beginning to tire, the muscles from his arms to his lower back aching from being yanked to and fro. Soon, he would not be able to keep the plane from going into a tailspin.

Panic bubbled up, not in his chest, but in the back of his head, as if it came from outside himself. Cid let his attention stray for only a moment, turning to look behind him, even though he knew that the cockpit of the Highwind only had about half a foot of space behind the pilot's seat. Nothing could fit back there except a toolbox and a few supplies. Red-and-yellow eyes glowed in the gloom, startling him so badly he let go of the yoke.

The plane jerked, hard to the left, spinning as the nose dropped. Cid flailed, trying and failing to catch the yoke.

The plane smashed into the surface of the water.

Frigid water hit him, slamming his head back against the headrest of his chair to leave him momentarily stunned. Cid sucked in a sharp breath and choked on water. A thick cloud of bubbles streamed out of his mouth when he coughed, but there was no relief to be found. The crushing pressure of water slowed his movements as he floundered, fumbling for the seat belts as the plane dragged him down into the abyss.

The panic rose to a crescendo, accompanied by a high pitched sound that resembled a long, drawn out yelp and left his ears ringing.

_Shut--_

The noise cut off, panic giving away to quiet fear. It felt like something moving around in the back of his skull. Not like a bug or something nasty, but something warm and concerned for him. Something--

_This isn't how it fuckin' went,_ he thought, apropos nothing.

Cid remembered then, that he was dreaming, that his test flight didn't end in catastrophic failure. Though his ship continued to sink down through water, he no longer struggled for breath. He blinked numbly, looking around. The cold water continued to press in on him from all sides and the heavy weight of the ship pulled at his shoulders, trapping him.

With fingers that could no longer feel much, Cid muddled through unlatching the seat belts. The minute he was freed, the plane vanished down into the dark depths. Cid himself buoyed upwards as if he wore a life vest.

Something far below opened a thousand thousand glowing yellow eyes. Long, spiked tendrils reached upwards. One came close to grasping Cid by the ankle, but he kicked at it. The owner let out a deep, rumbling roar that released a huge amount of bubbles and vibrated the water, echoing through Cid's bones. More and more tentacles came flying at him.

The thing in the back of his head let out another long, drawn out yelp, deepening to become a proper howl. Red flames flared up around Cid, boiling the water away. The tentacles recoiled from the light. The fire faded with the howl.

_Galian--?_ he thought, and felt a great relief as the entity pressed close, reassuring him that he was not alone.

Cid was swept ever upwards. He broke the surface of the water with a gasp, and still he did not stop rising. Gravity no longer had any meaning. Great globules of water floated up with him, some containing confused fish or pieces of driftwood and other detritus.

"Wake up," a deep voice that was and wasn't Vincent's said.

Gravity returned. Cid tumbled from the air, yelling, "Fuuuuuuck!"

All around Cid, the bubbles of water popped, releasing their contents. Fish flopped and spun, falling faster than him as they gasped their last. They hit the surface of the water like it was solid, smashing into a thousand bloody chunks. The surface rippled as though liquid disturbed by the impacts. The same happened to driftwood and other debris--nothing made it through the surface.

Cid twisted in the air, trying to get his feet under him. If he landed head first, he'd die. Though he knew death wouldn't be the end of his dreaming, a sense of urgency cautioned him against taking the easy route and letting it happen. He wished he still had the cloak and its useful ability to become wings, but without it, he had no choice but to try and roll with the landing. His right ankle crunched, twisting the wrong way, and he tumbled head over heels to land on his back. The pain lanced up his leg, sinking deep into his hip and up his spine. Cid screamed, tensely curling in on himself with the affected leg drawn up against his belly.

For a long time, he thought of nothing but the agony. Even breathing became a chore, each breath a choked off battle not to keep screaming.

Warmth filtered over him, a heavy blanket of comfort and concern. The beast pressed itself against his thoughts, making itself louder than his pain. He shifted his leg, and regretted it immediately as the pain returned full force. It took the beast a few minutes to fight it back for him again.

Cid cracked his eyes open and saw through blurry tears that the sky was still dark with clouds. Small flickers of lightning and soft rumbles of thunder in the distance heralded the beginning of the rain, sudden and heavy. Beneath the noisy rush of water, he heard rapid plonks of the drops splashing into the lake by his ear. He turned his head, squinting against the rain, to watch the water splatter upwards.

Luminous color rose from the depths. Cid clutched tightly at his leg, tense with the expectation of the thing from the depths coming up to get him. The fear washed away with the rain as the first jellyfish broke the surface and began its slow ascent towards the sky, trailing grass-like tendrils in its wake. Soon, hundreds of them filled the air with their multi-colored glow.

Watching them calmed him, took him away from the sensations of being drenched with freezing water, away from the pinched stabbing sensation in his ankle, and even away from the warmth of the beast. Cid blinked slowly, relaxing, and had a little more difficulty re-opening his eyes each time.

He and Vincent stood in front of the jellyfish tank for what felt like hours, stunned and awed by the gentle bobbing and the magnificence of their colors. Cid glanced over, caught by watching the play of light on Vincent's face, for once unguarded. Warm red eyes turned towards him, squinty.

"Are you going to gawk at me the whole time?"

"You're prettier than a jellyfish," Cid blurted.

Vincent actually laughed, muffling the soft, breathy sound against the back of his hand as he ducked his head away.

“You still remember that?”

“Huh?”

“Time to wake up, Highwind.”


	11. flawless new beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of dysphoria and bullying in this one to watch out for.

The object of the game kept changing throughout the long, hot summer day, but none of the boys seemed to mind so long as the ball stayed in play. It sailed through the air, kicked or thrown or bounced. One boy even brought a baseball bat into it and sent it flying down field to a chorus of impressed shouts.

Their ages ranged anywhere from seven to thirteen. They were all orphans, dressed in dull grey slacks, scuffed hand-me-down sneakers, dingy tank tops, and starchy button-ups left untucked, unbuttoned, or shed altogether. The field they played in was in a park about a block away from the orphanage. Caretakers sat on benches nearby, keeping a watchful eye out.

Only the boys were supposed to be on the field. The girls had the run of the rest of the park, including the basketball courts, the playground, and the flower garden.

Cid ducked into the game and stole the ball out from under a larger boy's nose. He kicked it up into the air, then bounced it from knee to knee as the other boys crowded around him, momentarily awed by his easy display of coordination. He grinned, pleased to be the center of attention, and head butted the ball up over the crowd. As the boys parted in a mad scramble, he darted through the middle of them, his smaller frame making getting by an easy task. He didn't beat the older boys to the ball, but he managed to keep right on their heels as they raced it down the field.

A red headed boy barreled into the pack, swiping the ball. He threw it high and long to his blue-haired friend, who sprinted off the other way with it, leaving most of the pack behind. Cid managed to change course, sprinting alongside the blue-haired boy.

"Hey, Sidney, catch!" he called, as the stampede of younger boys came barreling at him.

Cid caught the ball, veering off to the right to avoid the yelling mob. He laughed joyously as none of them could keep up with him and they got in the way of the faster boys, slowing everyone down.

On either end of the field, the metal frames for goalposts sat, lacking netting. Cid raced through, then circled around to duck and weave, deftly avoiding the boys for as long as he could. He saw the red and blue haired boys waving frantically in the crowd and launched the ball in their direction just before getting tackled by a trio of younger boys. He hit the dirt yelling and kicking, already trying to throw them off. More boys piled on, grabbing and kicking and punching and shouting all for the fun of a good scuffle.

The caregivers bowled into the middle of it not long after. They pried boys apart, raising their stern voices to be heard over the fuss.

"What is the _meaning_ of this?!" a snide voice demanded. Gerald, the least liked of any of the caregivers. "Fall in line this _instant_!"

The boys scrambled to form two mostly straight lines. Even those not directly involved in the scuffle fell into formation. The ball lay forgotten on the ground nearby, the game likely over.

Cid was the last to stand up, swiping the back of his hand under a bloodied nose. He tugged at his ill-fitting, borrowed pants, staring sullenly as Gerald came stomping up.

" _You_ ," the man said, glaring down his nose. "Didn't I tell you playing like this is inappropriate?"

"...Yeah."

"Yes, what?"

"Yea--s, _sir_." Cid stuck his lower lip out in a sulk, folding his arms. A smear of blood ran the length of his hand.

Gerald wrinkled his nose in distaste. "Go get cleaned up, changed into your _own_ clothes, and stop messing around over here."

With too many eyes watching his march of shame, Cid sulked off towards the public restrooms. As he passed the red-haired kid, he heard a muttered, "Sorry, man," which helped a little.

The solid brick walls of the public restroom loomed up before Cid. It seemed to grow in size until it was as tall as a skyscraper, its long shadow casting everything in chilly gloom. The building tilted forward, curving strangely, as if he looked at it through warped lens. The wooden signs dangling above each door swayed in a breeze that should have felt pleasant but only seemed to leave a crawling sensation in its wake. The steady creaking of rusty chains made Cid feel sick to his stomach.

More than anything, he didn't want to have to go in there. He didn't want to make that choice.

A pair of girls walked by, one blond and one dark haired. The blond one went for the door without looking back; the other paused, eyeing Cid. "Aren't you going in?"

He shook his head, taking half a step back.

"You're so weird. It's just a bathroom."

"Sidney's afraid of public toilets," the blond girl in the doorway said. "And germs. Leave it alone."

The dark haired girl shook her head, scoffing. "Then why's it always a big deal at home, too?"

"Who cares? I'm going."

Cid watched them enter the bathroom, apparently unbothered by its monstrous appearance. He wondered what that must be like, to be confident and unafraid. He _was_ weird. Weird and wrong and not himself. What kind of grown up boy couldn't go to the bathroom on his own?

Tentatively, he took a step towards the boy's room. The door lay open, bright fluorescent light spilling out invitingly. But as he came closer, the door swung shut with a loud, echoing slam, billowing out wind from the force. The sign above screeched with how hard it swung.

Recoiling, Cid scrambled away and ran off down the path. Distantly, he heard the shout of caretakers as he fled the park.

As he raced down the street, all he heard was the slap of his sneakers on concrete, the rush of blood in his ears, and his own harsh, pained breathing. Cid ran for several blocks, then ducked into a familiar alleyway, taking it over three streets. At least one caretaker managed to keep up with him until he zigzagged through a number of other alleys, climbing fences and ducking through narrow gaps between dumpsters.

Then he was alone. He slowed to a trot, panting, and looked around warily. The alley he found himself in was one that ran the length of one of the city walls. If he kept going straight, he should reach a canal, and another wall on the opposite shore. Going the other way would bring him out onto the main street and give him access to the gate to enter another district.

Cid chose to keep going, on the off chance that the caretakers bothered putting in real effort into finding him. The gates were guarded, and if the caretakers put out word that one of the orphans were missing, he'd be caught and dragged back to the orphanage. He would be subjected to chores and worse.

At the height of summer, the canal was bone dry. Cid skidded down one side, then scrambled up the other. In an attempt to keep trespassers from exploring the far side of the canal, the city planted bushes and trees. The only effect it had on wayward kids like himself was that it provided cover for secret bases and caches.

Cid's own hidey-hole was the envy of other kids. He'd found a way to dig under the wall in such a way that he got inside the gated tunnel that connected the canal to the next district. So far, no one had found the hole, which was nestled in the roots of a tree about twenty feet away.

Adults didn't bother checking the area often, and when they did, they overlooked the gap beneath the thick pipes running the length of the tunnel walls. There were grates under there, which led back to the sewage system, and were meant to reduce the risk of flooding. One of the grates was loose.

If one crawled through, careful not to fall down into the sewage on the jump across, they'd find old, abandoned maintenance walkways ringing the inside of the walls. Going up and to the left, there was a heavy metal door with a broken lock. The room on the other side used to be empty, until Cid filled it with useful and precious things. He looked forward to returning to this sanctuary where no one would boss him around.

Cid kicked a rock along, glancing around to make sure no one was watching before ducking into the bushes. He picked his way through a complicated maze of branches, heading for the hidden hole.

A sharp hissing sound behind him, less like a cat and more like steam, made him stop. He turned back, blinking, as the sound repeated several more times, each with a flash of pink and purple light. Glowing bubbles rose from the ground and popped, dropping a bizarre motley of creatures.

Beetles bigger than him crawled up the side of the wall and braced their legs apart. They tilted wickedly curved horns towards him. Swirling purple light formed above the horns, gathering into orbs that grew larger by the second.

In the underbrush, things that looked like prickly plants swayed, their roots creeping outwards. Their thorns gleamed in the light, dripping clear fluid that reeked strongly enough to make him gag.

Cid spun on his heel, intending to make a break for the entrance to his hideout. One last bubble, bigger than all the others, rose out of the shadows. It burst, and the creature within let out a deep growl as it crashed into the ground. It scrambled up onto four legs as thick as tree trunks and tossed its head, brandishing a fearsome bony crest with too many spikes. Two wickedly sharp, long horns jutted from its forehead, matched by a smaller, but no less deadly-looking horn on its nose.

Trapped, with nowhere to go, Cid ran, crashing through the hedges. He tumbled down into the dry canal and ran the length of it for a while.

The beetles fired, their projectiles arcing through the air with high whistling noises. On impact, they exploded into a smear of chunky, foul-smelling greenish yellow ichor that steamed and burned through anything it touched. The bugs raced along the wall to keep up, firing as they went.

The plants came next, flooding the canal with their roots to try and trip Cid. That the biggest monster came charging with a roar, trampling and snapping roots didn't seem to faze them in the least. They skittered along in its wake, occasionally launching sprays of needles whenever Cid stumbled over a stray root.

Panic and adrenaline and running became all Cid could think of. He threw himself to the side just as the big monster charged, horns down, and barely managed to avoid getting gored. As it skidded to a stop and began to turn back, he scrambled up the side of the canal, throwing himself onto level ground and into the nearest alley.

The bugs could fly. They took to the air with their wings droning, zipping after Cid. While the big monster barreled through the tight fit, knocking anything in its way aside, the plants fell behind.

Cid burst out onto a street, taking a hard left. The big monster roared as it raced by, missing him again. Cid didn't have time to be relieved as it smashed into a parked car, getting its horns stuck in the door. The beetles surrounded him, firing more of their foul-smelling, acidic projectiles. Cid scrambled, nearly smacked face-first into a terrified man in a suit, spun on his heel, and ran down the street, yelling.

Passersby stopped to stare, or flee screaming, but none of the monsters took any interest in them. If anyone tried to help, he didn't notice. He was alone.

A strong feeling to the contrary washed over him. Cid stumbled, nearly got trampled, and threw himself up onto a crate to begin climbing a fire escape. The feeling became akin to someone shouting to be heard. No, it was barking. Like a dog that wanted out.

_A dog?_

Cid ducked as a beetle buzzed by his head. It landed on the wall nearby, lining up for the shot while he was frozen in confusion and indecision.

_Didn't... I have a..._

Suddenly, a wet nose pushed against his face, a heavy, furry weight bodily shoving him down as the beetle fired. Cid grunted as he hit the metal grate, hands flying up to push futilely at the heavy creature crouched atop him. It growled, but not at him.

"Oi, gerroff!"

To his great surprise, it did. He blinked dumbly at it, and then wondered how he could have forgotten.

"...'course I got an ugly dog. Where the hell ya been, Galian?"

Galian huffed at him, nosing him up and towards the stairs. He took the hint and began to climb. Behind him, the beetles swarmed in on Galian, but he wasn't worried because Galian was the toughest dog on the streets. They'd been together for... as long as he could remember, probably.

The dog threw its head back and howled. Flashes of fire filled the air, scorching the bugs from the sky. The drone of wings died down as the insects dropped and crunched on the ground below, to be trampled by the restlessly pacing horned monster.

Cid stopped, gripping the railing of the stairs he was on, and leaned over to stare down, mouth agape. "Woah!!"

He did not notice the creep of vines along the walls of the building. They came so silent and gradual. Thus, when they began to coil around his feet and ankles, he was taken by complete surprise. They yanked, pulling his feet out from under him. His chin smashed into the rail, forcing him to bite his tongue. Blood filled his mouth, stars obscuring his vision and thoughts.

Another fight in a back alley, fending off other teenage boys bigger and meaner than him. Cid backed up against the wall, bloodied knuckles held up before him. He had a black eye, his lip split, and his ribs were probably broken. The boys already ruined his new clothes, tearing his nice jeans and staining his t-shirt. They'd even ripped the patches and buttons off his leather jacket. 

Outnumbered four to one, with two other boys down on the ground, groaning from their wounds. No way could he win, but what choice did he have but to fight?

"Aw, Sidney, why's it gotta be like this?" one of the boys asked, tapping a metal bat in his meaty fist. "You coulda been so pretty."

Another spat on the ground between them. "Sissy boy."

They took up the chant, "Sissy boy, sissy boy," as they closed in on Cid.

He could not win that fight. Thorny vines tore at him all over, and he screamed, struggling. _No, no, no._

An enraged howl echoed down the alley, followed by a vortex of fire that burned everything away. The boys wailed as they burned, dissolving into so much ash. The vines crackled and broke apart, fading into shadow that drifted away. Cid slumped to his knees, bloodied but alive. He struggled for breath, nausea a rising tide in the back of his throat.

Galian Beast walked down the alley, its claws clicking on the pavement. Its red and yellow eyes were luminous in the shadows, catching and holding Cid's gaze. It came up to nuzzle at his temple, then lapped at a cut on his cheek.

Safe. He was safe.

Cid threw his arms around Galian's neck and shoulders, using the animal's solid weight to haul himself up to his feet. He leaned there, doubled over his knees with one hand between Galian's shoulders, and wheezed until the nausea and pain eased. Galian remained still and steady the whole time. Its thoughts were a warm blanket draped over Cid's misery, soothing him until he could think clearly.

The ground trembled. For a moment, Cid wondered if he imagined it, or if his limbs trembling tricked his brain into thinking the world shook too. But no, the thudding came rhythmically, growing closer and closer.

The big monster from before filled the entire alleyway, bellowing as it thundered towards them. A solid brick wall prevented them from running the other way, and the walls on either side were bare of anything to grab onto. They were trapped. 

Unthinking, Cid threw himself between Galian and the monster. Cid threw his arms up in front of his face, bracing for impact.

It never came.

A loud rustle of cloth high above drew Cid's attention. He stared dumbly, watching a man all in black but for a long tattered red scarf drop from the sky. The man slammed a brassy gold fist into the monster's head, smashing it into the ground hard enough to crack the pavement.

The monster's eyes bulged comically as its charge was stopped dead. It thrashed wildly, letting out a choked gurgle. The man curled and twisted his claws, tearing through the monster’s thick, colorful hide to smash its skull completely in.

As the man's toes touched down on the ground, like he weighed as little as feathers, the monster's form began to dissolve into hissing shadows that drifted away like smoke.

"Those are not the nightmares I asked to see, Highwind."

"Wh--"

The realization that he was still dreaming clicked into place, as it must have done before. Cid nodded, rubbing at the side of his head. He no longer felt fifteen and awkward, battered by the fists of bullies. Instead he felt exhausted and muddled.

Reliving the old painful memories and having them amplified as nightmares took more of a toll than he’d expected. Yet, he knew he’d pay any price to see Vincent again. Not just a dream version, or the one lacking a heart, but Vincent himself.

"How much longer?" Cid asked, reflexively petting the beast when it nosed at his hand. "Ya gonna keep me prisoner for 'nother eleven years or some shit?"

"No." Xaos came closer, his boots clicking on the pavement like claws. He framed Cid's face with his fingertips, a barely there touch that radiated chill despite the heat in blood red eyes. "You have to wake up now."

Cid felt his consciousness beginning to fade and hastened to yank the beast into the safety of his mind as the dream frayed apart. He fell, not down but upwards, into the clear blue sky. Far below him, Xaos tilted his pale face up, watching from the shadows.

Radiant Garden faded away, lost to a grey fog. Cid drifted, not waking up, but falling back to sleep.


	12. eclipsed by tragedy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A whole heck of a lot of dysphoria-related issues, graphic surgery horror, and abusive relationship dynamics in this nightmare.

Cid sat on a hard bench in a bland beige waiting room with no idea how he got there. He glanced side to side, at the other patrons. Men, women, and children of all ages and sizes, restlessly waiting their turn.

A flat screen on one wall droned endlessly without a picture, yet people seemed to be watching it raptly. Dog-eared magazines scattered about told him nothing of what they were waiting for--the topics ranged from fishing to housekeeping. The posters on the walls displayed shallow motivational nonsense, all but for a few notices around the check-in window, too far away for him to read.

He wanted to get up and leave, but his limbs felt leaden. No matter how much he squirmed, he could not seem to get to his feet. Cid slouched down, glaring at his knees.

A burly, hairy man in pale scrubs with a clipboard came stomping through a door on the far side of the room. A trio of young women followed at his heels, their faces hidden by surgery masks.

The man glanced at his clipboard. "Mary Grey?"

An old woman rose from her seat, clutching knobbly fingers around the handle of her walker. The three women came over and swept her away, herding her through the door, which swung shut as soon as the man stepped back through it.

This repeated a few more times. No one ever came back out. The longer it went on, the more nervous dread Cid felt.

Eventually, the man called out, "Sidney Highwind."

As though yanked by invisible strings, Cid lurched to his feet. A moment later, the women came to drag him away. He stumbled between them as they bodily pushed him down a long hallway, past a number of examination rooms. The man followed at a much more leisurely pace, his footsteps thudding loud enough to echo ominously behind them.

The hallway took a sharp right turn, and from there, they began to pass operating rooms with viewing windows. Each room was occupied. The patients on the tables flailed and screamed and struggled as doctors and nurses cut into them, sending up sprays of blood and gore.

"What the hell is this?!" Cid demanded, throwing his weight backwards to try and get away from the bony fingers grabbing and pulling at him. "Fuckin' -- let -- _go_!"

The big man came up from behind and shoved Cid forward. Step by awful step, fighting the whole way, he was forced forward, into an empty operating room. It took all four of the nurses to strap him down. Cid felt a vicious, but short-lived satisfaction for clocking one of them in the mouth, hard enough to draw blood. His struggle was all for naught; they left him secured to the table by padded straps over his wrists, ankles, middle, and forehead.

One by one, the nurses exited, leaving him alone in the pale white room with nothing but the clamor of his thoughts. Cid pulled at the straps to no avail. He shouted until he ran out of breath, but no one answered.

Only after he'd exhausted himself did anyone else arrive. A tall, thin man in green scrubs stained with red came into the room and went straight for the sink against one wall to wash up.

"Hey. What the fuck's goin' on?" Cid demanded, with less force than he wanted.

The thin man did not answer. Instead, he dried his hands carefully, then fished out rubber gloves and a mask from boxes pinned to the wall near the sink. He donned these, then came over to put his fingers against Cid's pulse, right under the jaw, counting the beats. While being touched, Cid could not move.

Meanwhile, four more people piled into the room. They each went to wash up at the sink and equip themselves with masks and gloves. Soon a rattle of metal filled the silence as they dragged over rolling trays and arranged their tools.

"Pulse is up, 120 beats a minute," the thin man said, removing his hands from Cid's neck.

A plump woman said, "Good. That bodes well." She brought scissors over and, with the help of another nurse, began to cut Cid's clothing away.

_What the fuck??_

Cid could not even speak, watching in dull horror as they bared his body in strips. The ragged scraps of his t-shirt, jeans, underwear, socks, and even his shoes went into a deep bowl on one of the trays. One of the others ferried the bowl off to dump it out into a trash bin with a murmur of, "Good riddance."

"I can see why the patient volunteered for the process," the thin man commented.

"Such a lot left wanting." The plump woman nodded her head. "Not to worry, we'll fix you right up."

The nurses wiped Cid down with cold rags, leaving him shivering from the chill. Then they drew all over his body with blue markers, mapping out places to cut. The other two nurses came over and jabbed Cid in the arm, none too gently, complaining all the while as they struggled to get an IV set up.

"Stop being so uncooperative," one said, stabbing the needle in hard enough to snap it. "This isn't helping anyone."

"Don't you dare start crying!" the other hissed, yanking on the rubber strap that cut circulation off in his upper arm. "You should be grateful to be here at all."

While all that went on, the thin man stood back, watching with an unnerving look in his eyes. Cid couldn't seem to look away. It felt like drowning in a deep, dark pool in the dead of night, with no one there to help. Like choking on icy water that cut and burned the whole way down.

When the nurses finished their tasks, they backed off as one, allowing the thin man to creep closer. He trailed his fingers along Cid's leg, inspecting the work.

"Very good. Let's begin, shall we? This will hurt quite a lot, but you'll be a better person for it." The thin man patted Cid's cheek, two hard slaps. He glanced over his shoulder. "Bring in the materials."

Two nurses left the room and came back a few minutes later, wheeling in another operating table. Upon it, Galian Beast lay half-conscious. Cid immediately wished it were dead.

Its hide had been peeled back to reveal taut pink muscle and pale tendons, lined with delicate blood vessels. The beast's ribs spread, held apart by straps connected to the table. Inside the curved bone cage, its heart and lungs struggled to continue functioning, slow and strained. Every now and then, it let out a low, drawn out whine, its eyes rolling in its sockets, its feet twitching.

_No, no, no_ \-- became the mantra Cid chanted in his head, over and over.

Still, the horror did not end there. The thin man held his hand out, and a nurse filled it with a gleaming scalpel. He bent over Cid, pressing the sharp blade to one of the inky blue lines down the middle of Cid's sternum. Blood welled up as the thin man dragged the knife downwards. A nurse swiped it away with a wet rag, humming.

Despite the IV in his arm, they did not give Cid anything for the pain. He felt every cut. Worse, still, he felt when they took pliers and began to peel his skin back. Pain radiated through all his limbs, an all consuming haze of sparks and red through which he watched with distant, distracted horror as the doctor and the nurses carved him open until he resembled Galian Beast.

"Here we are," the thin man said, finally setting aside his knife.

He plunged his bony hands into Cid's rib cage, wrapping his fingers around the still beating heart within. With a satisfied grunt, he pulled it free. A nurse snipped the veins, letting the blood spray every which way.

Death did not release Cid from the surgery. His vision darkened, a queer silence filling him to his core, but still he was forced to watch.

They took his heart to Galian Beast and swapped it for the beast's much larger heart. They left the beast cut open and dying in order to shove the big heart into Cid's chest, haphazardly securing it to the veins.

"Alright, close the patient up." The thin man went over to the sink to wash up and left without a glance back.

The nurses bustled about, chattering noisily among themselves. One smacked the heart until it began to beat properly. Two struggled to close his ribcage up, gluing it closed. Then came the long, painful process of being sewn shut with thick black thread. Every needle stab brought fresh agony.

Once they finished, they left him laying in his own filth, off to wash up. They tittered as they left the room.

The beast's heart felt too large, pounding an uneven rhythm off the inside of his ribs. It was hot and uncomfortable underneath all of the echoes of pain. Cid rolled his head to the side, staring at Galian Beast's corpse. He couldn't tell if it was blood or tears or both that ran down his cheeks, a great, overwhelming horror and sorrow making him choke on any noise he might make. Anger would come later, when he wasn't sinking into numb shock.

How long he lay there unattended and left to his misery, he did not know. What he did know was that he seemed to lose awareness for a while.

The next Cid opened his eyes, he stood in the park, underneath the skinny, crooked tree Vincent liked best. He wore jeans, boots, a tank top, a baseball cap, and a heavy, baggy hoodie over it all, despite the heat. In one hand, he held a plastic bag, heavy with the weight of takeout containers.

Vincent came along a few minutes later, his scarf loosely draped over his shoulders. He filled out his guard uniform decently, which meant Cid had been feeding him for a while.

"Hey, Vince!" Cid called out, his voice croaky from crying. He hefted the takeout bag, smiling weakly.

"Cid... Are you alright?"

"Fine."

Red eyes narrowed as Vincent stopped half a foot away. He tilted his head, studying Cid closely. "What happened."

Cid shrugged, and immediately regretted it, as he felt the stitches pull taut. Pain lanced down his front, making him gasp as his lungs seized. Vincent reached to steady him by the shoulder, frowning now.

"What did you _do_?" Vincent demanded.

"I... There was... They--"

"You did it, didn't you. I told you not to..."

"I didn't fuckin' _do_ anything!"

Vincent withdrew, putting several feet between them. He rubbed his hands off on his pants, as though he'd touched something nasty. "Show me, then."

"Show ya what?"

"What's under your hoodie, Highwind..."

"Why the hell should I?" Cid tucked his arms around himself, hugging beneath the stitches. The takeout bag bumped against his leg, leaving a spreading patch of moisture on his jeans.

"You're supposed to show your partner everything. Your body is my business, after all."

"Like fuckin' _hell_ it is."

Vincent turned and began to walk away without a word. Gaping in shock, Cid's fingers went loose. The takeout bag hit the ground, spilling its contents out. The steaming, greasy noodles and rice looked like intestines and maggots. Bile surged up Cid's throat, making him gag.

"Vin-- dammit, please, stop. Don't go."

"Are we not done?" Vincent paused, but did not look back.

"I'll... Fuck, I'll show ya."

That seemed to do the trick. Vincent spun on his heel and stood there, arms folded. "Go on, then."

"What, fuckin' out here?"

"There's no one else to see."

Cid sidestepped the food bag to get away from the smell. He fumbled for the zipper of his hoodie, glad he wouldn't have to try and pull it up over his head without ripping stitches. Swallowing thickly, he shed the hoodie, shrugging it off. Blood soaked through the shirt underneath.

"You had the surgery."

"I--"

" _Why_? I thought we agreed you weren't going to do this."

"I didn't fuckin' agree to shit!!"

Vincent's lips thinned out. "And yet, here you are, changed..."

"I was forced, god damn it."

"A likely story."

Cid sucked in a sharp breath, eyes going wide with shock. "Y--"

"What did you change, then." Vincent strode up to Cid, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt to pull it away from his neck. "Show me the rest."

"...ya ain't gonna fuckin' listen to a damn thing I say, are ya."

With slumped shoulders, Cid pulled away from Vincent, tiredly pulling the shirt off. He ignored the ripping of stitches. It didn't matter anyway. Fresh blood ran down his front, soaking into his jeans.

Vincent looked his fill, then scoffed. "You weren't good enough as you were?" He paced around Cid, his boots clicking on the pavement. "How could you ever think this would be okay?"

Cid said nothing, head down. His shoulders shook from the combination of shame and anger roiling in his gut. His heart burned, pounding too hard against his ribs, as if it meant to burst free of the stitches.

"Disgusting. We're done, Highwind."

"What the _fuck_ \-- WHY?"

"I won't be able to stomach the idea of touching you when you look like this..." Vincent stopped in front of Cid, arms folded. "It was bad enough _before_."

Recoiling, Cid stared with his jaw hanging. His mind went blank, a frozen sort of shock filled with a low, drawn out whine.

Pale fingers clutched at his chin, forcing him to look into red eyes. "Who could ever really want you? Broken and mismatched as you are..." Vincent bent until their mouths were a hairsbreadth apart. "At least before, you could have satisfied my desires."

" _Fuck_ ya!" Cid snapped out, shoving Vincent away. "I don't fuckin' exist to satisfy anybody. Ya don't wanna fuckin' date, then ya don't gotta be so damn cruel, ya bastard! Get the fuck outta here!"

As Cid yelled, Vincent smiled into the folds of his scarf. He squinted those ruby red eyes shut, as if pleased. "You're being quite the beast now, aren't you? Exactly like you always wanted..."

"I never fuckin'--"

"I'm going now."

"Good fuckin' riddance, asshole!!"

As Vincent walked off, Cid yanked his shirt back on and slumped over, clutching at his bloodied chest. A larger heart meant more to break. Once he was sure Vincent couldn't hear him, Cid let out a muffled scream into his hands, one that became labored breathing broken up by choked off sobs.

"This isn't fuckin' real," he muttered, and kept repeating to himself, but the pain continued unabated, Vincent didn't come back, Galian Beast was _dead_.

He always prided himself on being able to pick himself up and carry on, no matter what. Right then, it just did not seem possible. Cid dropped into a crouch, curling in on himself completely. Blood ran in rivulets down his front, soaking through the shirt to drip onto the ground between his boots. He clutched at his hair near his temple and forehead with stained fingers, staring blankly at the spreading red smear.

Time slipped away quietly, taking reality with it. His thoughts were a low murmur of nothingness. Only when his thighs began to protest the awkward position did Cid stand up, slow and creaky as though he'd aged twenty years.

His hoodie lay on the ground near the spilled food. Cid wandered over and bent to pick it up, not looking at the food lest he vomit. Gingerly, he pulled it on and zipped up, hiding the worst of the blood, though by now it well and truly ruined his jeans and was on its way down to his boots.

Distantly, he thought, _That's a fucking absurd amount of blood. How the hell am I still standing?_ but it didn't really click.

Cid left the park at a shambling walk, feeling half-drunk. He wished he had some alcohol. The whole fucked up situation seemed surreal. Surgery he never consented to, then a rejection from the love of his life for something that wasn't even his fault?

Anger at last. It boiled through his veins and up the back of his throat like lava. If he could have spit fire, he would have. As it was, he kicked at the ground and let out a filthy stream of curses, startling a flock of pigeons into taking to the sky in a flutter of distraught coos and feathers.

"--who the _fuck_ does he think he is!?"

What should have been nothing more than feathers drifting down was entirely too large. Cid blinked, watching pieces of paper sail down from some unknown source high up. One of them landed at his feet, face up. He bent and picked it up, then flinched on seeing his own name. It was a piece of his personal record, the writing gone smudgy from how many times it'd been copied through a machine. And it laid everything bare, most of all one single detail his gaze zeroed in on. His lungs constricted, cutting off all air.

"Fuck," he gasped, jerking his head up to watch as more of the damned things rained down.

Everyone would _know_. This had to be Vincent's doing. One last act of petty revenge for... an imagined slight. Cid didn't deserve this. He was going to kick the bastard's ass up and down the entire length of the city walls when he found Vincent again.

Right then though, he needed to get rid as much of the evidence as possible. If any of the kids saw... Cid shuddered.

Despite his wound and the loss of blood, Cid hobbled in a hurry, snatching up the papers. At first, he stuffed them into his hoodie, but there were so many of them. Then he took to smearing his blood over the offending part, blotching it out. Whenever possible, he chucked the damned things into nearby trash bins.

The rain of evidence led him from the park, into the bustling market district. Cid shivered, watching as people bent to pick the papers up, confusion and curiosity evident. Radiant Garden was a big enough city that some of them didn't know him. Those that did, well, now they knew something else about him, didn't they?

"Fuck."

Cid ran to snatch papers from the hands of gawkers. They shouted in alarm, first because of his sudden appearance, then because of the trail of blood he left behind.

"Go fuck off and get your jollies somewhere else!" he shouted at them. "Ain't nothin' to see here, dammit!"

All the way through the market and into his home district, he left a trail of blood and confusion and trashed paperwork. Cid veered towards Vincent's apartment, but of course the jerk wasn't home. He wasn't at the guard station, either. Cid glanced up, squinting at the sky, and, really, it was odd that the confetti exposing his details to the public at large seemed both endless and without a visible source.

And he was still bleeding, but didn't feel the pain and wasn't passing out.

"Ah, fuck, I'm goddamn dreamin' again."

Just like that, he felt Galian Beast restlessly pacing, frantically trying to get his attention. Cid put his head in his hands, groaning quietly because even if it were only a _dream_ , it'd been a doozy. He wondered if he'd ever feel rested again.

The surgery, losing the beast, and Vincent...

Cid didn't need a drink, he needed some happier thoughts so he could let Galian Beast out and get a hug in. Working his jaw side to side, he struggled to come up with anything. "Think happy fuckin' thoughts, Highwind," he growled at himself. "Be a real damn ball of sunshine."

His mind kept circling back to the dream version of Vincent, the cruel things said. With lucidity came the disgust with himself. How could he have been taken in by that? Vincent could be pig-headed stubborn and short on words, but never intentionally cruel. Not about the things he knew were a sore spot.

Then-- a memory that wasn't quite happy, but still better.

Seventeen and a half, caught out after curfew putting his manifesto on the back wall of the guard station because he _wanted_ to be caught. Bundled up in a heavy hoodie and hunched over because everything hurt and nothing felt good, glowering sullenly at the guard that tried to get him to cooperate for a strip search.

"Leave it alone," Vincent said, waving the guard off. "If there's a knife, I'll handle it."

Once they were left alone, Cid muttered, "Can ya dim the lights?"

"Are you going to tell me why you decided to paint my likeness in a lewd pose on the wall of my workplace?"

"...Seemed like a good idea at the time."

Vincent pinched at the bridge of his nose, but reached behind him to flick the overhead lights off, leaving only the dim yellow desk lamp. The rest of the bullpen remained well lit, but it was at Cid's back, easily obscured by his hood.

"...Thanks."

"Hn." Vincent pulled the usual blank paperwork over and began to fill it out. After a long silence, in which Cid did absolutely nothing except slouch with his eyes closed, Vincent tapped the end of his pen against the desk. "You're not your usual chipper self tonight. Are you sick?"

"I'm fuckin' dyin'."

"What?" Vincent dropped his pen and pushed away from his desk, coming around. "Are you hiding some kind of injury? Let me see."

"No!" Cid hunched over his knees, clutching at his middle tightly. "I'm fine, fuck, back off, pretty boy!"

"You just said you were _dying_..."

"Meta-fuckin'-phorically!"

"...Are you on drugs? Is that what I'm writing you up for today?"

"Oh my god, no, fuck, this is normal, stop fuckin' frettin'. Write me up and throw me in the tank."

Vincent stood over Cid for a long moment, fingers flexing. Then, he said, very softly, "If you want to use the bathroom first, I have some pain medicine."

Cid lifted his head, gaping. "Y--"

"Yes or no?"

"Please."

With a nod, Vincent went back around the desk, bending to rifle through the drawer. He shook out two pills from a bottle, pushing them across the desk top. Next, he passed a lukewarm, but unopened bottle of water. Cid took both, downing the pills quickly.

"Are you going to cause trouble if I leave you unattended?"

"No."

"Good. I need to find some white out, they keep making the same stupid typo on your files every single time..."

Vincent escorted Cid to the bathrooms and left him standing outside of the doors. Even if Cid tried to escape, he'd have to go back through the bullpen and get past all the guards. He knew from experience that the windows inside the restrooms were too small to squeeze through. Cid glanced around, then ducked into one of the rooms.

In the present day, Cid rubbed at his forehead, grinning faintly as he remembered the stupid typo. All those copies raining down were fakes. Vincent would never spread lies and falsehoods around like that.

Galian Beast leaned against Cid's side, freed from his head. Its tail wagged as he furiously rubbed his fingers through its mane, digging in deep to find the good scratchy spots that made the beast rumble appreciatively.

"Fuck, I'm glad you're alright, furball." Cid looked around, noting the abrupt lack of paper rain, or people, or much of anything. "...How the hell do I move on?"

"Wake up," Xaos said, suddenly standing at Cid's side like he'd been there all along. "Though it's a shame, your nightmares are beginning to be more interesting than ours..."

"Eat shit, I'm not fuckin' stickin' 'round in this fuckarow."

"I could make you..."

"And renege our goddamn deal?"

"It could have been something you dreamed up."

"Get fuckin' real." Cid flipped Xaos off with both hands. "Send me up!"

"Don't forget your... dog..."

As gravity gave away, floating Cid upwards, he made sure to yank Galian Beast back into its rightful place. He stuck his tongue out at Xaos, flipping him off again for good measure. The world faded away beneath him, and he drifted, escaping the nightmares again.


	13. the uninvited stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for: non-explicit scene dealing with periods and a little more dysphoria.

It started with the chicken. Or, more accurately, it started with Vincent being thoughtless and Cid's temper getting the better of a nice day.

Cloud and Squall's birthdays were both in the same month, just a few days apart. Since taking time off from work was difficult at the best of times, if not outright impossible at the worst, Cid invited the whole lot of kids over to his house for a single party. He also invited Shera and Vincent. The former begged off, too wrapped up in her own projects to spare the time.

The latter... well, Vincent showed up and stood frozen in the entryway, watching as Cloud ran by in too many party hats, yelling, "Foul! Foooull!!" as most of the other kids chased him with party poppers, trying to hit him with the confetti.

Cid rescued Vincent before he could get caught in the crossfire, dragging him into the kitchen, which was strictly "No Brats Allowed".

"Here, siddown, I gotta finish--" Cid nudged Vincent towards one of the stools at the counter, already hurrying to rescue the noodles cooking in a wok. 

Vincent sank onto the stool, delicately setting two small, flat gifts in a shiny red paper on the countertop. He folded in on himself, watching Cid bustle around. When Cid brought him a glass of iced tea, he accepted it without a word.

"Already spooked, huh?"

"Children don't frighten me, Cid."

"Nah, but it's a lotta noise."

"No more than usual," Vincent muttered into his tea.

Cid snickered, returning to his noodles to mix in the already cooked toppings. Heaps of vegetables and meat, cooked to perfection. Yakisoba was a surefire way to get the kids to eat even the green stuff they professed a hatred for. Even Yuffie couldn't resist it.

"'Kay, shit's done, time to go herd the stampede this way..."

Vincent caught Cid by the pants leg as he passed. "All these children... are you a mother hen?"

The joke hit Cid in the gut and sank like stones. He opened his mouth in wordless, furious shock. Then he yanked his leg away from Vincent, putting a generous amount of distance between them. "Oh, _fuck_ ya, Valentine. If ya didn't wanna be here, ya didn't have to be so damn nasty about it.”

With a blink, Vincent stood. If he meant to apologize, he never got the chance, as Cid stormed out of the room. He wasn't there when Cid herded the kids back in. Only his gifts to the two birthday boys remained as a sign he'd ever been there at all.

"Aw man, _books_ ," Cloud muttered, on spotting said gifts.

Squall scoffed, elbowing Cloud. "If you don't want it--"

"I never said _that_!"

The boys raced to see who could unwrap theirs faster. The books beneath the wrapping paper were not dry, dusty tomes but a stack of comic books for each boy. Judging by the awed gasps, Vincent managed to pick out their favorites.

To Cid’s eye, the books looked a little vulgar and bloody, the kind of adult, pulp trash he snuck as a teen, with lots of gore and barely concealed nudity. He wasn't one to judge, though he covered Yuffie’s eyes and swatted Squall upside the head for lingering too long on one page of skimpily clad people.

“Read that junk later!” Cid growled. “Don't seem right, wavin’ it ‘round in front of a lil girl.”

Both boys gave him weird looks, like he’d grown a second head, but they put their new comic books out of the way for dinner.

When Cid saw the comic books later, the contents seemed changed to ordinary action stories aimed at young boys. Cloud’s was some sort of sci fi epic and Squall’s was fantasy of some kind. The contents had nothing worse than bloodless scratches and topless, muscle bound men in any of the books.

“What the…” Cid shook his head, and did not have long to ponder it, as he was dragged from the kitchen for games.

The rest of the birthday party went as planned, though Cid was quieter and brittler than usual.

When he finally managed to get the kids to settle down in their sleeping bags for the night, it was a blessed relief. He flopped face first into his bed and groaned at himself. He'd been so _stupid_ , over a dumb _joke_...

And yet it still hurt.

"Dammit."

He did not see Vincent for almost a week after that, which felt a lot like being avoided. The whole time, Cid stewed and kicked himself over it and cursed Vincent for being a chickenshit. A low buzzing static seemed to fill every waking moment, barely noticeable but growing as the days dragged on.

Then one day, there came a knocking at his door with the distinct sound that came of metal hitting wood. Cid lowered his newspaper, frowning. For one spiteful minute, he considered refusing to answer. He folded his paper, dropping it on the couch beside him, and stood with a grunt. He walked over and yanked the door open without removing the chain so that he could glare through the narrow gap at Vincent.

Vincent held up a very large, very fat plush chicken with a pair of miniature felt goggles around her neck. She had goofy blue eyes that looked in different directions and a tiny red waddle. The feathers on her head were a pale golden yellow, with black speckles all over her body and black tips on the tail feathers.

The insistent buzzing in Cid’s skull vanished, replaced by perplexed irritation. "What... the fuck. I oughta knock your dumb ass out."

"I'm sorry."

"You're fuckin' _sorry_ , and ya brought somethin' to rub your stupid joke in with??"

Vincent tipped the plush chicken back, holding its feet up for inspection. The damn thing had little cowboy spurs sewn out of a shiny gold cloth. The stitching looked a little uneven, unlike the rest of the bird.

"Oh," Cid swallowed, suddenly feeling like he had a frog in his throat. "Where the fuck did you even _find_ somethin' like that, jeez."

"Sewing is not my forte," Vincent admitted, turning his fingers out for inspection as well. It looked like Tifa and Aerith helped with the first aid, giving him colorful bandages covered in cutesy characters.

"Fuck, hold on."

Cid shut the door and yanked the chain, then threw the door back open to let Vincent in. "I might still punch ya but also, marry me?"

"Is that all it takes, picking up chicks for you?"

"Damn right." Cid grinned, holding his hands out to accept the stupid chicken. "I'm not a goddamn hen."

"I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, yeah, get the fuck in here..."

Vincent stepped inside cautiously, hands hanging limp at his sides after relinquishing the chicken. Cid shifted the stuffed bird under one arm, propped against his hip. He shut the door, then snagged Vincent by his scarf.

“Sorry I blew up over nothin’.”

Any protest Vincent might have made was muffled by a bruising kiss. The chicken took up residence on the couch as Cid dragged Vincent to the bedroom to make up for lost time.

A few days later, a trio of girls stood on Cid's doorstep, armed with backpacks full of supplies for a sleepover. He blinked, pushing the door wide to let them in.

"Didn't know I was gettin' company."

"Sorry, Cid, Tifa got into a fight," Aerith said, as she entered.

Sure enough, Tifa sported an impressive shiner over her eye. She jutted her chin, lower lip stuck out. Cid let out a low whistle.

Tiny Yuffie, dissatisfied with not being the center of attention, flung herself at Cid's leg, clinging and yelling about all the things _she_ did. He patted at her head, stumping along through the house with her still attached to his leg.

"What was it this time, Teef?" Cid called, over Yuffie's ruckus.

"Boys said I couldn't play with them."

"Wasn't Strife and Leonhart, was it?"

"No, they're not _that_ stupid."

Cid laughed, shaking his head. "Alright, c'mon, think I got somethin' that'll keep the swellin' down..."

He gave her a small potion and an ice pack, with instructions to sit her rear down somewhere and rest a bit. Meanwhile, he ferried Yuffie around on his leg as he helped Aerith get their things settled into the guest room.

"Y'all in trouble with the caretakers?"

"Probably," Aerith answered, smiling. "I kind of... yelled at them when they tried to punish Tifa and not the stupid boys..."

"Thatta girl." Cid flicked her bangs out of her face, grinning. "Y'all know ya can stay s'long as ya need."

Aerith hummed, tucking her hair out of her face. "Thank you."

"Stupid boys!" Yuffie shouted, springing off of Cid's leg to punch at the air with chubby fists. "I'm kick them!!!"

"Hah, c'mon, shrimp, let's go make lunch." Cid scooped her up onto his shoulders, where she perched and hooted, gleeful at the new height.

After lunch, two things happened-- First, Yuffie noticed Henry the chicken perched on the back of the couch and immediately took to carrying him all over the house, held high above her head as she made chicken noises. Second, Tifa began to yell bloody murder in the bathroom. Understandably, the latter was of much higher concern.

Cid sprinted to the bathroom and knocked once before banging the door open. Aerith was right on his heels, her pretty green eyes wide with fright. Inside the bathroom, Tifa sat on her knees on the tiled floor, hunched over. The lights flickered, as if to herald the horror to come.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?!" Cid dropped into a crouch in front of her, not yet touching.

"I'm-- I'm--" Tifa buried her face in her hands, sobbing and incoherent for several minutes.

Aerith pushed past Cid to gather the other girl up in a fierce hug, petting at her short, dark hair. She murmured soft, soothing things. Cid settled into a proper sit, resting his hands on his knees, and waited.

Eventually, Tifa managed, "I'm _bleeding_."

"You're what?!" Aerith squeaked, pulling back in alarm to try and find the source of the blood.

Cid blinked. "...Oh."

"OH?! Cid!! She's bleeding!?"

"Where's the blood, sweetheart?"

Tifa made a vague gesture downwards, looking utterly mortified.

"How old are ya, Teef?"

"Teh... ten."

Nodding, Cid turned his gaze on Aerith. "And you?"

"...Twelve?" Aerith offered, hesitant.

"Uh-huh. Ya a bit early, Tifa." Cid patted at her knee, then stood. "C'mon, you'll feel better after a shower. Aerith, ya wanna go get her some clean clothes?"

Tifa clung tightly to Aerith's sweater for a moment. Then, after a few more shaky breaths, she nodded and let go. Aerith patted at her shoulder comfortingly before leaving the bathroom.

"This'll become normal, eventually," Cid said, helping Tifa up. He got out some clean towels from the cupboards, draping them on the racks near the shower. While he was at it, he fetched a flowery, colorful cardboard box from underneath the sink. "Get yourself cleaned up, okay?"

"...Okay..."

Cid bent and swiped his thumb across tear stained cheeks. "Chin up, darlin'. Ain't gonna leave ya in the dark. We'll have some ice cream and I'll explain what's happenin'."

Tifa nodded, slowly, while never breaking eye contact. Fresh tears slipped down her cheeks. "I don't... like it."

"No one does."

He left the bathroom, securely shutting the door to let her have her privacy. The sound of the water heater kicking on as Tifa turned the shower on reverberated through the walls. Cid headed for the guest room, where he found Aerith and a neat stack of clothes for Tifa.

"Ya got her underwear?"

"Yes?"

"'Kay, here." Cid set the cardboard box on the bed next to the pile of clothes. "Take one of those and put it on 'em."

"Wh--?"

"She's got her period, hon. All ya need to do is unwrap it, unfold, peel the paper off, and stick it secure-like, okay?"

Blinking, Aerith nodded, and did as instructed. Cid sent her off to deliver the clothes. She went with them clutched to her chest as though they were precious, sacred artifacts.

Behind her, lights flicked on, blazed too bright with a painful high pitched buzzing, and burnt out with loud pops, leaving the house in darkness. Cid did not react.

He sighed deeply, longing for a cigarette, and wandered towards the kitchen, where he found Yuffie perched on the counter. Henry sat nearby with an absurd number of kitchen utensils stacked on his stupid fluffy head.

"What the...?"

"Well balanced meal!" Yuffie declared, grinning wide enough to show the gaps in her teeth where new ones were still growing in. Too many rows of teeth, and not nearly enough room for them all.

"...Ya a damn clever lil biter, ain't ya?"

"The _most_!" Yuffie bounced to her feet, still on the counter, and flung herself at Cid.

He had no choice but to catch her, spinning to set her down on a stool. "Woah!"

"Is Tifa dead?"

"No, no, she'll be fine." Cid ruffled Yuffie's hair, putting on a brave smile. "C'mon, let's clean this up. Gonna have some ice cream."

"ICE CREAM!!"

Yuffie sprang into action, eagerly ferrying each utensil back to its appropriate place, one at a time. She sang nonsense songs about them as she did it.

“Spoon spoon beat the loon, knife it dead, chop chop and into the shop--”

Cid didn't have to do much at all except stay out of her way. He poked the stuffed chicken in the side, casting a sardonic look its way. It seemed to stare back with a panicked expression as it was liberated of its weight.

Not too long after, Aerith and a very subdued Tifa came into the kitchen to sit on either side of Cid. Yuffie clambered back up onto the counter to sit cross-legged in front of him. He sighed deeply and began to explain the things their caretakers should have prepared them for.

"Guh-ross!!" Yuffie yelled. "Ice cream, Cid!"

"In a minute, bratling."

She whined, loudly, and picked up Henry to push him into Cid's face. "Chicken hungry!"

"Ugh, fine, hold your horses!"

Cid pushed the chicken away and got up to retrieve bowls, spoons, a scoop, and the big plastic tub of ice cream from the freezer. He remembered it was neopolitan, but when he looked into the tub, it was all one solid, blood red color. It dripped down the scoop and onto the countertop while he was wool-gathering. Cid shook his head, closing his eyes.

The process of doling out the sugary treats seemed to quiet Yuffie up long enough that he could finish explaining.

When he finished, he put the tub of icecream away and sat back down. The kitchen went silent except for the clink of spoons and Yuffie making exaggerated "yum" noises. Cid eyed Tifa, who kept her head down over her bowl, and Aerith, who stared off into the distance.

"This sucks," Tifa finally decided. "I want to play board games."

"Yeah," Aerith agreed.

"Games!! Chicken wants to play too!"

"Alright." Cid shrugged. "Whatever ya want."

He did not get Henry back for the rest of their visit, which ended up being three days long. When he had to go in to work, the girls stayed behind, keeping Tifa company. It would have been a longer stay, but one of the caretakers came looking for them, chiding Cid for inappropriate conduct. Tifa didn't want to leave and Cid couldn't blame her.

"Chin up, girl," he said. "Gotta do what we gotta to get by, right?"

"...Yeah."

"I'll be here anytime ya need me."

"This _sucks_."

"It really does," Cid agreed, with a quiet, sad laugh. "Go on, before ya get my butt thrown in a cell for obstructin' your guardians."

He leaned in his doorway, arms folded, watching them troop down the porch stairs after the caretaker. Then he went inside and checked out the windows to catch one last glimpse of the girls before they were gone. His head and his heart hurt.

"Fuckin'... life, shit. Sucks ain't even begin to cover it."

With no kids around, Cid went to hunt down his cigarettes, hidden away in the back of his closet. He threw the bedroom windows open, then flopped on his bed to smoke. That was how Vincent found him that evening, brooding and smoking and all too glad for the company.

Over the next few months, while the older kids went through various growing pains that needed an older sibling's advice to get through, Yuffie made a nuisance of herself on the regular for the attention. She could not seem to leave the plush chicken alone, and her absolute favorite prank involved chicken-napping Henry. The chicken went on more adventures around the city than Cid did, and more often than not, slept over at the orphanage.

"Damn that girl," Cid complained, as he packed his bags for the trip out to Saint Avalon to meet Vincent's father.

Vincent lay on his back on the bed, one leg crossed over the other at the knee. He read a book while Cid paced and cursed. "Were you really going to take a plushie with you?"

"Mighta been fuckin' funny to bean your ol' man."

Red eyes narrowed at him from over the top of the book. "I think we can come up with other ways to annoy that don't risk bodily harm..."

"Or nasty ol' dude's gunk gettin' on it, yeah, sure." Cid scrubbed his hands through his hair, huffing. "Man, I wish that girl would fuckin' ask though. Gets damn aggravatin', always wonderin' if I just misplaced it."

"Asking kills the game." Vincent lifted his book back up, going back to reading.

With a dramatic groan, Cid flopped down on the bed next to Vincent, throwing his arm over the other man's stomach. "She's goin' on seven, oughta fuckin' learn some manners."

"With a role model like you, I can't imagine why it's taking so long."

"Oi, asshole."

Cid jabbed his fingers into Vincent's side, right between hip and ribs. With a low grunt, Vincent rolled away, using his book to block any further attacks. The play scuffle that followed distracted Cid from the absence of his plushie. He forgot all about it all through the visit to Saint Avalon.

Upon their return, the whole gaggle of kids waited on the doorstep of his house, including Yuffie, clutching Henry against her front. Cid got out of Vincent's battered roadster and immediately toppled under a pile of excitable kids tackling him. Yuffie delicately set the chicken on his face, giggling as she did it.

"Hey, brats, what the--!" Cid lunged, catching Yuffie up in both arms. "What d'y'all think you're doin'?!"

As she shrieked, the other kids laughed and snatched Henry for an impromptu game of keepaway. Cid got to his feet, hefting Yuffie up in both arms. She flailed and wiggled but could not get away. The other kids did though, running around the back of the house, tossing the plushie back and forth.

Cid tossed Yuffie up and caught her. She yelped and threw her arms around his neck, clinging to avoid a repeat. Laughing, Cid turned back towards the car. Vincent had gotten out and leaned with his arms folded atop the roof, watching with squinty, tired eyes.

"Ya wanna go home and rest up?"

"And leave you to their tender mercies?"

"Sure." Cid looked down at Yuffie, grinning. "Y'all gonna take care of me, right?"

"Right!" She patted her hands against his cheeks, then made a face. "Guh-ross, you're scruffy!"

With an evil grin, Cid hugged her, dragging his scruff against her cheek. She wailed, pushing at his shoulders in an attempt to get away. He had to shift his grip to keep from dropping her.

"C'mon, ya monkey, quit squirmin'."

"Lemme up!" Yuffie demanded.

As Cid obliged her, swinging her around to his back and bending to let her climb up onto his shoulders, he was vaguely aware of Vincent shutting the car door. The engine starting back up and the car pulling away didn't happen, however. Instead, Vincent came around, standing a respectful distance away until Yuffie was situated.

"Your keys?"

"Huh? Oh, sure, in my pocket." Cid cocked his hip towards Vincent.

Vincent stepped closer and hesitated a moment, having a stare off with Yuffie, who soon ducked down behind Cid's head. Then he slipped his forefinger and middle finger into Cid's pocket, fishing out the house keys. He jangled them lightly as he stepped back again.

"You might want to go rescue your chicken before it ends abandoned in the mud somewhere."

"Oh nooo, chicken!" Yuffie yelped, surging up and pushing down on Cid's shoulders. "Giddyap, Cid, gotta save chicken!"

"Alright, alright, hang on." Cid waggled his fingers at Vincent in a sort of half wave without letting go of Yuffie's legs, then trotted around the house with her bouncing against his back like dead weight.

As Cid rounded the corner, the kids shouted, “Surprise!” and “Welcome home!!”

They had blankets spread out on the grass in the backyard with a hodgepodge of food stuff, most of it convenience store goodies like shrink-wrapped sweets and jerky. The plush chicken sat right in the middle of it all with a too large party hat over its head. Squall and Cloud flung handfuls of shredded up construction paper at Cid, while Tifa and Aerith fired leftover party poppers from the birthday bash.

“Ah, he-- eey, y’all, this s’too much!”

The party lasted until it started to get dark and cold, the kids’ eyes glowing in the dark like stray kittens, starved for affection. Then Cid herded the lot of them inside for a dinner that didn’t consist of 90% sweets. Vincent graciously gave them a ride back to the orphanage afterwards, though he remained taciturn and tense until the kids were gone, vanishing into the shadows behind the spiked gates.

“Not such a terrible role model after all,” Vincent decided, on the drive back to Cid’s house. “If they can make someone smile like that…”

“Aww, gettin’ soft on me, Valentine?” Cid elbowed Vincent, grinning.

“Don’t get used to it.”


	14. dancing on his own

The last time he saw Vincent -- the real Vincent -- they lay together in Cid's bed the day before his birthday. Cold, gray light shone through the windows through a thick curtain of slow falling snow. Winter lasted longer than usual that year.

Cid lay under two blankets, curled against Vincent's back with his nose to Vincent's shoulder, breathing in the other man's scent as he dozed. Vincent's long black hair was swept up out of the way, spread out over the pillows. He read a book on beekeeping, which he propped against Henry the chicken to compensate for the fact that Cid trapped one of his hands against his belly and refused to let go.

They stayed like that all morning and into the early afternoon. Cid would have been happy to stay there until Vincent needed to get ready for his night shift, but his stomach began to rumble.

"Cid."

"Mm?" Cid nuzzled against Vincent's shoulder, pressing his forehead there so that his face tilted down, into the warmth beneath his blankets.

"We should go get lunch."

"In the snow?"

"It's not that bad..."

"Maybe not for fussy ice princes," Cid grumbled. "It's fuckin' cold in _here_."

"That's because you're a cheapskate who refuses to invest in gas heating."

"Wood smoke smells better."

"By royal decree, I order you to get up, Cid Highwind."

Vincent pulled away, extricating himself from Cid's clingy grasp. He took with him half the warmth, flinging the blankets aside to let out the rest. Cid yelped, scrambling to yank the blankets back up to his chin.

"Why the hell ya gotta do me like this, asshole!"

Daylight faded all at once, leaving them in the dark. Somehow it seemed natural that time should shift forward like that. Vincent sat at the edge of the bed, his back to Cid, head down. His hands gripped the sheets at the edge, pulling them taut.

"I'll make it up to you later," Vincent said, in a stilted, distant voice.

"Hey, are ya okay?"

Cid reached for Vincent, but when his fingertips brushed against the other man's lower back, they met nothing solid. Vincent's form scattered in a flurry of snowflakes. He blinked, and suddenly he stood outside his workshop at the ShinRa air strip, bundled up and squinting at the wintry sunlight reflecting off the snow.

In the weeks that followed Vincent's absence during and after Cid's birthday, Cid spent most of his time at work. He filled the idle hours of hurt and longing with busy work, building a new gummi ship prototype. ShinRa wanted something small, but able to support a family for anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. Something like a camper, but for space travel.

In retrospect, all the extra hours spent ended up saving lives. He never would have gotten it flight-worthy in time if Vincent hadn't vanished and then become so strange and distant after.

As Cid looked up at the sky, he noticed dark clouds gathering on the horizon. High above him, blue fractured like glass, chunks falling and breaking apart in a spray of sparks that shot down in streaks. The falling stars hit the snow and fizzled out. Behind the blue sky lay an endless dark void of stars, now revealed by the widening gap.

Soon nothing remained of the sky. Without an atmosphere, the clouds dispersed. The sun shone brighter, unfiltered and hot, melting the snow and casting deep, dark shadows. Dully, Cid wondered how he could still breathe. Then he looked down at his feet and saw the gleam of yellow eyes watching him from inside the shadows.

"Fuck!" Cid stumbled back.

He narrowly avoided grasping claws as the shadows poured out. There were so many of them that they spilled over one another like a swarm of ants, their limbs twitching and flailing. Cid ran. The swarm boiled after him, chasing him off of the airstrip and into town, where it scattered and overran the streets, chasing down other prey.

He didn't stop running, not even as the screaming started. His only thought was of the kids, none of them older than thirteen, and of Vincent, on duty at the castle. Cid ducked into an alley, hiding in the gloom to catch his breath. He watched in horror as shadows swept by, tackling a screaming woman to the ground. They tore her to ribbons and her fragile, shimmering pink heart flew away into the sky.

As he followed its ascent, Cid's gaze strayed to the looming castle high up on its hill overlooking the city. Thousands of dark shapes poured down from it. Cold that had nothing to do with temperature chilled Cid to the bone, his breath caught painfully in his lungs.

"Vincent..."

Some great horned beast roared, its voice rising in a long, echoing howl. The shadows scattered before it as it thundered down the street, smashing through cars, knocking over street lights, trampling people. A swarm of strange creatures from the castle followed, each marked by the black heart-shaped emblem wrapped in red thorns.

Cid ran down the alley, dodging around dumpsters, as the shadows poured in to escape the bigger monsters. No matter how fast he ran, the beast always seemed to be there on the next street, rushing after him.

_Galian, Galian, Galian,_ he thought, each syllable matched by the slap of his boots on the pavement, but it meant nothing to him even as he felt the answering swell of consciousness stir in the back of his head.

He never made it to the orphanage, but he didn't have to. Cid stumbled onto the kids huddled in an alleyway. Almost got sliced open by the oversized, dented chunk of metal Squall had. He also had a long, diagonal cut between his eyes, the blood crusted over. Cloud had a baseball bat, already smeared with black ichor. 

Penned between Squall and Cloud, the girls hunkered back against the wall. Tifa had her gloved fists up, ready to fight. Aerith held Yuffie close. Yuffie clutched at Henry's leg, having never returned him from the last chicken-napping.

"Cid!" they yelled over one another.

"Oh, thank fuck," Cid wheezed, pushing Squall's weapon away from his face. "Y'all safe. C'mon."

He bent to scoop Yuffie up, letting her cling to his front like a monkey. Henry bounced against his back. Aerith grabbed Cid's free hand, clinging tight. The other kids fell in around him, the boys bringing up the rear to knock away the shadows that trailed after them.

The beast filled the end of the alley, its shoulders too broad to fit between the buildings. It roared, teeth snapping. Vivid orange fire glowed deep in its maw.

"Run!!"

Cid raced along, dragging Aerith. She stumbled to keep up. The other three were all athletic enough to match Cid's pace without trouble. In fact, Tifa zipped by Cid, legs and arms pumping. She jumped over the little shadows that swelled up ahead of them, kicking one back down on her landing. The other boys ran ahead to clear the way as fire filled the alley behind them.

The group spilled out onto the street and staggered to either side of the alley way right as a pillar of fire billowed out. Cloud and Tifa were on the opposite side of everyone else, flattened against a brick wall. As the heat faded away, the flames left scorch marks on the ground and corners of the buildings.

"Hey!" Cid shouted. "Goin' to ShinRa, okay?!"

"Okay!" Cloud called back, saluting with his weapon.

Getting back to the airstrip was much harder than getting away from it. Shadows and heartless filled every street and most of the alleys. If not for the fact that they all grew up learning all the ins and outs of the city, all the hidden paths, all the fences with gaps, all the cellars that weren't locked, they might have never made it. It helped that Squall, Tifa, and Cloud were able to fight back the smaller shadows, too.

They could do nothing about the big monster's relentless pursuit except run. It chased them all through the city, circling around to try and catch them on the other side whenever it couldn't follow them into narrow spaces. More than once, they had to double back to avoid running face first into it.

Overhead, an engine roared as a ship took off. Cid kept running as he watched more fill the sky. "Shit, shit, shit--"

"Bad words," Yuffie mumbled, her voice hoarse from crying.

"Sorry, hon." Cid rubbed his hand against the back of her head, urging her face into his shoulder so she wouldn't see anything else. To the other kids, he said, "We gotta hurry!"

They made it to the airstrip and found it devoid of life. No shadows or monsters lurked there, either. Cid ran across the grounds, going straight for his workshop, which was still locked up. He set Yuffie down, shushing her when she began to fuss. She clung to his leg while he fumbled for his keys, unlocking the door to let them inside.

"I gotta get the ship primed, okay? Aerith, get Yuffie on board." Cid pried the younger girl off of him, passing her over. "Squall, Cloud, keep a lookout. Holler if anything happens. Tifa, I need a lil help."

With Tifa's help, Cid got the wedges out from under the wheels and unhooked the locking mechanisms from the wings.

"Go get the garage doors open, Teef, then watch for them shadows."

"Yessir!"

While she did that, Cid ran for the vault in the back, where he kept the ship's power crystals locked up. Never could be too careful of theft. Everyone coveted ShinRa's innovative designs, especially after they got Cid on their payroll. Cid knelt to unlock the vault, listening closely to the clicking that told him whether he was successful or not.

In the background, he heard the roar of the beast, distant but growing louder.

"Fuckin’ shit shit shit dammit fuckin’ goddamn bastard ain't gonna fuckin’ quit!”

Cid threw the vault door open, grabbing armfuls of the large, buzzing crystals, each encased in a thin sleeve of silicone. He tossed them into a nearby bin on wheels, filling it up with as many more as he could before he heard Cloud and Squall begin shouting, soon echoed by Tifa.

Dreading what he'd see, Cid ran towards the door, peering out. The arrival of the beast brought swarms of shadows and heartless.

"Fuck, get in here, quick. Get Tifa."

The boys ran through the workshop, going to the wide open shed doors to drag Tifa into hiding inside. A flimsy sense of safety at best. Cid yanked the smaller side door shut, locking it, and flinched back as long black claws raked through the metal.

The walls thudded and shuddered as something massive slammed into the side of the building. Because Cid worked with gummi, the building was not cheap metal siding, but actual concrete, well insulated. Even so, everything on the shelves and racks on that side rattled and fell. The windows shattered.

Through it all, Cid ran for the bin, rolling it up onto the ship. Aerith and Yuffie huddled behind the pilot's seat, watching him with wide, frightened eyes. Henry lay abandoned nearby, its rotund chicken butt up in the air.

"S'gonna be okay," he told the girls, as he yanked the access panels on the floor open. "I'll get us in the sky, nothin's gonna happen to us."

Beneath the panel sat a keypad. Cid punched the code in, which caused another panel to slide back, revealing the empty power bank with ten empty slots. He grabbed one of the crystals, peeled the sleeve off, and slotted it into place. Aerith scooted over to help him with the rest.

"Cid!" Squall called, standing at the end of the ramp. "There's too many of them!"

"Get everyone onboard, kid!"

"Cloud--!"

Cid slid the power bank's panel shut the minute Aerith got the last crystal in place. He grabbed a metal handle, pulled it out, and twisted it before pushing it back in. The power bank thrummed to life.

"Get Yuffie and yourself strapped in, Aerith."

She nodded and ran to do as she was told. Meanwhile, Cid ran off the ship to go find what happened to the other kids.

Cloud and Squall stood back to back near the door, fending off shadows. Tifa fought nearby, punching out the ones that skittered around them whenever they were occupied.

The big horned beast filled the open doorway, swiping its huge claws in like a cat. Cid shouted, heart in his throat. All three of the kids scrambled back, just out of reach of the grasping claws, which scraped off the concrete and hooked against one wall. The beast exerted its strength, ripping the wall to pieces with a snarl.

Tifa screamed, covering her head as debris fell. Cloud threw himself over her, sheltering her from a large chunk of wood. He let out a pained grunt as it hit him across the shoulders. Squall ran to them, quickly helping throw the beam off.

"Get the hell onto the ship!!" Cid yelled, running towards them. On reaching the kids, he grabbed Squall by the sleeve and shoved him. "Go!!"

"But--"

"Go, dammit!"

Squall went, running so fast he nearly tripped over himself. He dodged around bumbling shadows, swinging his weapon wildly.

Cid hurried forward, reaching for Cloud and Tifa, but the heartless beast beat him to it. The monster hooked its claws around the two children and dragged them out of the workshop. They screamed and struggled in its grip, but could not get away until it dumped them beneath itself. It kept one paw loosely curled to keep them from getting away, like some horrible version of a cat.

“No!” Cid ran after them, fists balled.

The monster seemed to meet Cid’s gaze. It lifted its paw, teeth bared. Then it slammed that paw down, crushing Cloud and Tifa with a sickening crunch that cut off both voices. Blood oozed out from beneath the beast’s spread claws.

For a moment, time froze.

Between one blink and the next, Cid knew he was dreaming, and refused to accept the nightmare of Cloud and Tifa dying like that. He endured ten long years of knowing he failed them and thinking they were _dead_.

Somehow, despite the odds, they survived. Cloud skulked back to Radiant Garden, grown into a brooding, quiet man that smiled rarely. Tifa showed up not long after, cried a river of tears while crushing everyone in hugs, and then stormed around town, kicking things with brutal force until she found Cloud.

_That_ was the only truth Cid would accept--all five of “his” kids lived.

"So stubborn," a flat voice like Vincent's said.

The scene rewound before his eyes, everything in reverse until Cloud stood bravely over Tifa in the shadow of the heartless beast.

When that massive paw lifted to crush them, the crack of gunfire interrupted. The beast staggered to the side and whirled to face its attacker. Its tail swept Tifa and Cloud to the side, sending them tumbling further away from the workshop.

Cid ran forward, but halted at Vincent's voice, loud yet devoid of emotion: "The ship! Get onto the runway, Highwind. I'll get the children."

In the ten long years that followed, Cid regretted turning back more than anything. He trusted Vincent, but somehow, he couldn't help but think, over and over again, that somehow he could have changed things, despite the fact that he was unarmed and the only one capable of flying the ship.

As Cid clambered onto the ship to take the pilot's seat, awareness that it was a dream slipped away again. Cid flicked through startup, priming the engines. The sheer amount of heat blasting out of them burned away more than a few shadows at either side of the ship. Squall fought off a couple stragglers, kicking them out the back.

"Get in your damn seat and strap in, we're goin'!"

"What about--?"

"Vincent's bringin' 'em!"

Squall hesitated, but ultimately accepted it. He ran to belt into the seat next to Yuffie, holding her hand. Aerith sat on her other side, arm looped with hers so that Yuffie could hang onto Henry, muffling her sobs in the plushie's feathers.

The ship rolled out onto the airstrip, swerving this way and that to avoid the larger heartless.

Vincent drove the beast back with gunfire and a strange, wavering black sword. He fought at such speeds that Cid couldn't always follow his movements. After a few moments of this, the beast fell to the side and did not get back up. Vincent ran, long red scarf flapping behind him, to duck under the wings of the ship.

Cid couldn't stop the ship without risking stowaways, and swore loudly, straining to see out either side for some sign that Vincent didn't get flattened. His relief on spotting the flash of red safe on the other side came out as a noisy exhale.

They rolled on at the slowest speed Cid dared. Vincent went for Tifa and Cloud, pulling them out of the snowbank at the side of the airstrip. He threw Cloud onto his back, carrying the boy piggyback, and carried Tifa in his arms. Dodging around shadows and heartless, Vincent ran after the ship.

Try as he might, Vincent never managed to catch up.

The beast surged up from where it lay and came thundering down the airstrip. It howled, furious, as it ran past Vincent without a second glance. Its target was the ship.

"Go!!" Vincent shouted, struggling to be heard over the din. "We'll find you!"

"Nnnn-- _Fuck_!"

Cid slammed the button to close the back hatch, then yanked the throttle to go full speed. The beast snapped at the wing a second too late; the ship surged forward, rocketing down the strip. At the end of the road, huge ramps curved towards the sky. The ship shot off of those and sailed into the stars.

Behind Cid, all three kids wept. Yuffie wailed loudest even with the plushie muffling her, Aerith gave great hiccuping bawls, and even Squall muffled a few breathy sobs into the crook of his elbow. Cid swallowed thickly, eyes burning, as he watched their world disappear behind them.

A huge column of light shot up from the surface. It blew by the ship, rocking them, and vanished into the great starry void. Cid blinked, rubbing the light spots from his eyes. He swore that he'd seen a figure encased in the light, but couldn't be certain.

Then there was nothing but swirling darkness and countless stars all around them. Cid flew without knowing where they were or where to go.

For two and a half days, they were lost with limited water and food. Cid never got the chance to stock up on supplies, never intending to fly a prototype in a mad bid for survival. Near the end, he fretted that Yuffie would make it, she was so young and fragile…

A streak of color off portside caught Cid’s gaze. He staggered to a window to look, dazzled by the shine. The hunger and thirst and worry and the cramped, stinking, always vibrating ship all faded away.


	15. we said goodbye

Traverse Town, a haven for the lost, sprawled out beneath a sky filled with too many stars. There were more buildings than there were residents. Plenty of space for new arrivals to go and pick any house they wanted. Cid claimed a house in the Third District, big enough for himself and the three kids counting on him to look after them.

The city never slept. Eternal night reigned over the city, throwing off circadian rhythms. To cope with the lack of sunlight, residents lined the streets in a dazzling array of lights. Every lost traveler living on the world got used to sitting under UV lights for a few hours a day. Carefully cultivated greenhouses supplied the populace with food, but it needed to be supplemented by vitamins.

Getting Yuffie to take her vitamins was a daily struggle. She climbed up onto the bookshelf, out of Cid's reach, and held Henry up above her head, poised to chuck the plushie at Cid.

"Ya gotta take 'em, brat!"

"No!"

"If ya don't, ya gonna get sick."

"I won't!"

Cid dragged a chair over, putting his knee on it in preparation to climb up. "Just 'cuz ya say ya won't don't mean ya won't..."

Yuffie launched Henry, bouncing it off of Cid's head. He grunted, swallowing down the curses. She was only a child, scared and frustrated with the change in routines ever since Radiant Garden fell to darkness. Sucking in a bracing breath, Cid kept his head bowed, counting to ten.

Then he launched himself up onto the chair, grabbing Yuffie by the ankle before she managed to scramble out of reach.

"No!!" She kicked and flailed in his arms as he hauled her down. "Lemme go!"

"Not 'till ya take your vitamins!" he shouted back, hefting her over to the table.

"I don't wanna!!!"

"Then ya ain't gettin' dessert!"

Abruptly, Yuffie went limp in his arms, staring up at him with big, watery eyes. "...No... dessert?"

"That's right." He set her down on a chair at the table. "Just take 'em, it'll be over quick."

Yuffie whined the whole time, but sullenly took her vitamins. Cid made her open her mouth and lift her tongue afterwards.

"Good girl."

"Dessert!"

"Leon and Aerith're gettin' it."

"Are they coming back?"

"Ya bet."

Cid stooped to pick Henry up off the ground. He dusted the plushie off, then handed it to Yuffie, putting on his best, biggest grin. "Nothin' to worry 'bout, they got new weapons and that Merlin guy's been teachin' 'em magic. They'll be just fine."

"'Kay..." Yuffie hugged Henry tight, resting her cheek against the plushie's head.

"When they get back, I gotta go to work." Cid tidied up, putting away pill bottles and carrying dirty dishes from lunch to the sink. "Ya wanna stay here or come with?"

"Umm... go with!"

"Alright. Better get your bag ready, kiddo."

"Okay!"

Yuffie hopped out of her chair and ran over to the back wall. She slapped her hand against the secret panel there, pushing it in, and then vanished into the hidden stairwell. Soon after, Cid heard her thudding footsteps upstairs as she clattered about in her room.

Leon and Aerith came back a few minutes later. As Leon brought up the rear, double checking that no shadows followed them, Aerith brought in a heavy canvas bag full of groceries.

"How'd it go?" Cid asked, moving over to relieve her of her burden.

"All okay!"

Leon nodded, leaning against a wall with his arms folded. In the year they'd lived in Traverse Town, he'd refused to cut his hair and started wearing darker clothes. Changed his name, too, which didn't bother Cid none. Whatever it took to cope, so long as it wasn't harmful.

"Good. Yuffie's goin' with me today."

"Oh, good," Aerith hummed, sitting on one of the kitchen chairs to swing her legs. "I was going to ask if you'd take her today..." 

Cid carried the groceries over to the counter and began unpacking them. Mostly vegetables and fruit, as to be expected, but he was pleasantly surprised to find a pouch of jerky and some bacon wrapped in brown paper at the bottom of the bag. 

"Niiice. Actual meat for once... So what're your plans?"

"Merlin promised to help me practice stronger healing magic today, if Leon doesn't mind coming with."

"Whatever," Leon grunted.

"Good deal. Y'all know where to find me if anything happens. Be back here for supper."

"Yessir," the two chorused. Aerith gave a jaunty little salute, smiling, while Leon just glowered at a nearby wall.

Yuffie came bouncing down the stairs, clutching Henry by the leg in one hand and hefting her colorful bag stuffed too full in the other. She grinned on seeing Aerith and Leon, relief plain on her face. With a noisy whoop, she dropped her things and sprang at Aerith, throwing her skinny arms around the older girl's neck.

"Yaaay! You're safe!!"

"Of course!" Aerith laughed, shifting Yuffie more firmly into her lap. "With a bodyguard like Leon, nothing's going to happen."

The room went dark and cold, their shadows creeping across the floor, stretching longer and longer until they began to climb the walls. Cid couldn't move, couldn't breathe. He sensed that if the shadows reached the ceiling, something horrible would happen. The dread grew and grew and grew, weighing heavily in his gut.

Then he blinked, and the room returned to normal.

Cid finished putting the groceries away, then went to collect Yuffie's things. He checked the over packed bag, removing some of the sweets while the girl was distracted with chattering at Aerith, filling her in on all the things they did that morning. Then he slung it over his shoulder, picked Henry up, and went to scoop Yuffie up onto his shoulders.

"C'mon, girly, we'll be late for work!"

"Work!! Let's go!" Yuffie bent forward, putting her weight on the top of Cid's head. She reached down, making grabby motions at the plushie chicken. "Gimme, Henry's the lookout!"

"Course he is." Cid handed the chicken up, and felt Yuffie sit back to set it atop his head.

"Do you want an escort?" Leon asked, glancing sidelong.

"If'n ya wanna keep a lookout from the door, that's fine. Ain't nothin' but a lil walk to the gate."

"I'll fix us some lunch, Leon!" Aerith said, hopping up.

Leon nodded, then went to unlock and open the door, holding it open for Cid. As Cid ducked through the door, he snagged his spear from the rack beside the door. He'd never bothered with weapons before, but daily skirmishes with shadows necessitated learning to fight with more than fists and feet. Despite his inexperience, the added range felt reassuring.

The street outside their house was totally empty. Few people lived in the Third District, despite the ease of access to the First District. The brightly lit square attracted too many shadows.

With Leon watching their backs, Cid headed down the stairs and to the gate to the First District. He looked back, saluting with the spear. Leon stood motionless, blood running down his chin.

"Hey--"

A blink, and the blood was gone.

"What's wrong?" Leon asked, looking around warily.

"...Nevermind. Just seein' things, I guess."

"Take it easy, old man."

"Yeah, yeah, go on."

On the other side of the gate lay the quiet First District, full of the bustle of people shopping and working. Shadows rarely appeared in the First District. Cid wished he knew why. Extending whatever protections existed to the other Districts would be incredible.

Humming, Yuffie bounced a little on Cid's shoulders. "Work, work, work~"

"Oi, don't wiggle so much, ya will fall."

"I'll never fall! You won't lemme."

Laughing, Cid settled his hand more firmly on her thigh, keeping her steady. "Yeah, sure, ya got a lotta faith in me, kiddo."

His heart clenched painfully as he thought of the three he failed to catch. He missed Tifa's rambunctious cheer, Cloud's shy thoughtfulness, and most of all, he missed everything about Vincent, from his snark to his moody silence to the warmth in his eyes. There wasn't a lot of room for missing anyone else after those three, but if he sat and thought about it, he could feel sorry for himself over too many names, too many faces.

Cid glanced up towards the stars, then jerked his gaze back down. It was too soon to stargaze, the wound still too raw. A year wasn't enough time to heal. Eternity wouldn't be enough.

Bouncing Yuffie on his shoulders to ensure she wouldn't slip, Cid walked on, hurrying along. She squealed with glee, clinging tight.

Shortly after arriving in Traverse Town, Cid took a job and an apprenticeship under the jolly married couple that ran the weapons and accessories shop underneath the synthesis shop, both of them big and loud and happy to have an extra pair of hands. The husband, Gerry, crafted fine jewelry on his previous world. He turned those skills to making useful accessories charmed with blessings. The wife, Dahlina, forged weapons of all kinds. She'd made Leon's gunblade and Aerith's staff, and helped Cid craft his own spear.

Cid entered the shop, ducking low so Yuffie wouldn't bump the bell over the door. She made sure to reach for it anyway, flicking it with a snicker.

On seeing Yuffie, Dahlina beamed. "Hello, dear!! Are you going to make sure Cid doesn't slack off today?"

"Yes!"

"Good, good. Gerry's out today, down with a cold, the poor idiot."

Kneeling, Cid carefully set Yuffie down, then passed her bag over. "Ya want me on the front counter?"

"For a bit, for a bit." Dahlina dropped to a crouch, arms out, and caught Yuffie when she came sprinting over for a hug. "I'll take my lunch 'round three, so we'll close up shop and get some practice in."

"Yes'm."

Dahlina tapped one blunt finger against Yuffie's nose with a wink. "You help Cid sell things, put all that cuteness to work, huh?"

"Yes!"

Then came the long hours of listening to Dahlina work in the back, the fires roaring, of watching Yuffie occupy herself with a workbook full of coloring pages and scientific facts about animals they almost never saw in Traverse Town. Few customers came in that day, and those that did spent a lot of time browsing and dawdling.

Usually, the work wasn't too boring, since Cid got to go help Dahlina whenever Gerry didn't need help moving stock around. The days when Cid got stuck with maintaining the front counter were the worst. They dragged on and on.

Cid missed working on gummi ships. Gummi was rare and functioning ships rarer. Most new arrivals showed up without any recollection how they got there. Very few travelers survived the darkness of space with so many heartless ships filling the skies. Only on occasion did Cid have the opportunity to make some extra munny doing maintenance on gummi ships, and then usually at the behest of Disney Castle's scouts.

After three, Cid locked up the shop. Under Yuffie's watchful eye, he put the day's profits and the log book in the vault behind the counter. He also locked all the display cases, covering them with soft tarp, then got a broom out to sweep the floors.

"Lunch time," Yuffie declared when he finished tidying, holding her arms up.

"You've already had your lunch, kiddo." Cid picked her up, supporting her with one arm against his side. "Ya let Dahlina eat in peace."

Pouting, Yuffie hooked an arm around Cid's neck, laying her head against his shoulder. "Awww..."

"We're gonna go home and have some bacon anyhow."

"Oh!" Just like that, Yuffie perked up. "Yay. And dessert?"

"Yeah, 'course."

As Cid headed for the back room, he felt a chill crawl up his spine. He stopped just in front of the door, frowning, and realized that it was too quiet. Even with the door closed, the flames in the forge should have been merrily crackling away. Cid glanced down and saw no light at all coming from beneath the door.

"Ya bring your knife, hon?"

"Yeah?"

Nodding, Cid set Yuffie down on her own feet. "Go and get it, then stay right behind me, okay?"

"Yessir."

While the girl ran to her bag, Cid got his spear out from behind the counter. He waited until Yuffie returned to his side before pushing the door open. The room on the other side was pitch black, all except for the faint orange glow of embers in the forge. Yuffie crowded closer than strictly necessary, clutching her oversized pocket knife between two hands.

The light from the front room cut into the darkness in a slanted square shape, revealing broad splatters of blood. One of Dahlina's booted feet lay just in sight near the base of the forge. The rest of her remained mercifully out of sight. Cid dropped to one knee, putting his hand over Yuffie's eyes. He felt the wet trickle of her tears against his fingers.

Yuffie grabbed at his sleeve, clutching tight. Eight years old and regressed to the behaviors of a toddler, clinging to him, begging to be carried around, and acting out over silly things because life didn't make sense anymore. Yet, when it came to the tragedy that never seemed to stop, she usually put on a brave face. She put the back of her other fist, still holding onto the knife, to her mouth and fought not to make a sound.

Cid waited until she'd collected herself. He smelled the coppery blood of another lost friend, but beneath that, the rotten stench of darkness. Something skittered in the back room. Several somethings. Their eyes opened up, glowing yellow as they focused on the potential new prey.

"Ready?" Cid asked, softly.

Swallowing thickly, Yuffie nodded, letting go to grasp her knife in both hands. Cid smiled, swiping his thumb under one of her eyes to rub away some of the tears. Then he stood and stepped into the darkness, reaching to flick the light switch.

The shadows screeched when the lights came on, flattening to the ground. They skittered towards him, trying to get behind him. He backed up a step, preventing them from cutting him off from Yuffie. The second that one popped up, Cid swung his spear, knocking it into the still smoldering ashes in the forge. It flailed and burned, shriveling up like a husk before dissolving.

The others came all at once, spilling over one another in their eagerness. Cid jabbed his spear into one, bringing it hard to the right to smash into two others.

One of the shadows flattened to the floor, ducking the attack. It came up right beside Yuffie. She let out a horrified squeak and stabbed blindly, catching it in the eye. Cid kicked it away when it recoiled, clutching at its face with its spindly claws.

"Nice one, Yuffie!"

One by one, Cid beat the shadows back, flinging them into the embers to finish them off. In the aftermath, he leaned on his spear, panting, and looked around the trashed smithy. Yuffie gripped at his pants leg, her gaze downcast to avoid looking at Dahlina's corpse.

"Okay, hon, I need ya to watch the door while I clean up. Don't lookit what I'm doin'."

"Yessir."

Yuffie reluctantly let go of his pants and went to drag a stool over to the middle of the floor. She sat with her back to the smithy, staring out into the front room with her knife held between her knees.

The question of how the shadows got into the First District was one Cid meant to look into later. Maybe Merlin would have ideas. His weird little hidey hole never seemed to harbor any of the little monsters, even though it was the most dimly lit, damp place in the entire world.

For the time being, he focused on cleaning up. Cid put together a makeshift stretcher out of the thick burlap used to repair the bellows and a pair of sturdy-looking staves. He rolled Dahlina's corpse onto it, arranged her hands over her heart, and shut her blankly staring eyes for the last time, then draped another section of burlap over her.

"Sorry, lady," Cid muttered, head down. He let himself have a moment of silence, regretting that he hadn't noticed anything until it was too late.

Then came calling for someone to come collect her, alerting the locals that shadows were loose in the area, and finally scrubbing away all the blood and putting the tools and everything back to rights.

By the time Cid finished, Leon and Aerith showed up, piling on the couch in the front room with Yuffie, hugging her while she cried.

"No one makes regular patrols," Leon said, eyes gone flinty with cold anger. "Everyone thinks it's safe and then it's _not_ and people _die_."

Cid leaned in the doorway of the smithy, feeling thirty years older. "What're ya gonna do about it?"

That gave Leon some pause. He glared down at his hands, which he flexed against his knees.

It was Aerith who answered, "We'll make it right, obviously."

"Yeah, howso?" Cid pressed.

"We can patrol."

Leon lifted his head, staring at Aerith with something like awe. She didn't seem to notice, staring defiantly up at Cid.

"Ya can't patrol all the time."

"Then we'll recruit people!" Aerith huffed, cheeks gone puffy. "Why are you arguing?"

"I ain't. I'm just..." Cid dragged the heel of his hand against his face, digging it into his eye socket. "I'm tired. And worryin'. Y'all’re all I got left."

Aerith softened at that, her shoulders lowering. She held her hand out, wiggling her fingers in an impatient little _come here_ gesture when he didn't immediately move. Cid sighed, pushing away from the wall, and ambled over. The minute he was in reach, Aerith grabbed his hand. Yuffie grabbed the other one, putting her snotty, damp face against the back of it.

"We'll be fine," Aerith insisted. "We won't lose anyone else. Right, Leon?"

"...Right."

Later, they learned Gerry and a number of his neighbors died in an outpouring of shadows from a recently dug well. It was sealed and Merlin spent several days stomping around the First District, muttering about incompetent fools that never listen while he put up various defensive wards. Leon and Aerith started their patrols, and they did find people to help take shifts, mostly younger folks that were tired of the pointless deaths.

Cid was out a job and Traverse Town lost its only supplier of weapons and accessories. But... no one stepped up to claim the shop.

"Are you gonna work, Cid?" Yuffie asked, not looking up from the latest workbook, which was mostly math mnemonics.

"...I guess I gotta, huh?"

The girl smiled up at him. "Teach me!"

"I didn't even finish _my_ apprenticeship, brat, it'll be the blind leadin' the blind here."

"That's okay. We'll learn together, right?"

"Sure."

Going back to the shop for the first time after the incident was hard. It got easier though, as the years dragged on. Stopped feeling like the place Dahlina died in and started being Cid's own.

Nothing really changed in Traverse Town. The nights were endless. Time had little meaning but for what they gave it, counting down the hours for some semblance of structure. People came and went, never staying long. Usually the shadows got to them. Cid learned not to get attached to anyone else.

The kids grew up but not apart. Yuffie became more independent, going out on patrols with Leon and Aerith, but she always came by to harass Cid as he was closing up shop. Sometimes she came early to make repairs or replacements to her collection of shuriken, but most of the time, she wanted to annoy Cid into taking her out to eat.

"Ice creeeaamm~!"

"Oi, brat, we got some at home--"

"It's not the same, c'mon, Cid!"

With a tired, exasperated huff, Cid let himself be dragged out of the shop. He dug his heels in long enough to ensure the doors got locked properly. Then, as Yuffie pulled him along, he looked up at the sky.

The sky above Traverse Town looked so different than the one he and Vincent used to go out to gaze up at. Back then, the whole sky lit up with countless worlds, glittering bright enough to see by. From Traverse Town, even with all the neon lights, it was easy to see when a world fell to darkness. Whole constellations vanished, leaving behind large stretched of bleak darkness.

Cid wondered how much longer they had before it was all lost.


	16. our way back home

When Cid lowered his gaze, he no longer stood in the middle of Traverse Town, and he was alone. Turning in place, he took in his surroundings with a dull sort of sadness.

He stood on a small island that rose up out of the lake surrounding Radiant Garden. The island boasted soft blue-green grass underfoot, with a few flat boulders scattered around for ideal perching. All along the north side, there were low bushes that bloom only at night, revealing large silvery blossoms with blue-and-purple stripes inside.

After the world fell, the lake drained away, leaving an empty, rocky wasteland of blue stone and sand. If the island still existed outside of dreams, it was little more than a barren hill.

The loneliness became too much for Cid. He let Galian Beast out, sinking his fingers into the fiery mane. The beast squinted red-and-yellow eyes up at him, leaning into the touch appreciatively.

"How much longer do I gotta go through these stupid fuckin' nightmares?"

"I've seen enough," Xaos answered, from somewhere behind Cid.

As Galian began to growl, Cid twisted on his heel to face the man who was and wasn't Vincent. "Yeah? Gimme Vince back, then, and let's wake up."

"It's... not that easy." Xaos clutched at the dark cloth over his chest, head bowed. "For Vincent to exist, I must cease."

"The hell?" Cid blanched. "Are ya sayin' ya gotta fuckin' _die_?"

"Something like that."

"That's fucked. What're ya gonna do--?"

Xaos held his hands at either side of his body. The right hand, he clenched into a fist down by his knee, and a wicked-looking, massive triple-barreled gun appeared in it. The left, he held further away, about level with his shoulder, the claws loosely curled. Purple shadows swirled together, forming a curved saber made of darkness itself.

"Isn't it natural, for something that lives to struggle to continue to exist?" Xaos raised the gun, taking aim at Cid. "Can you kill for him?"

Galian Beast put itself between Cid and Xaos, hackles up and horns lowered. Its growl was a continuous rumble deep in its chest. Smoke billowed out from its maw.

"Ain't gonna give me a choice, are ya!?"

"Live, die... Make your choice."

Xaos fired. The shot was explosively loud, sending out shockwaves that made the grass and water ripple outwards. Cid ducked and rolled to the right. He felt the searing heat of bullets overhead as they narrowly missed taking a chunk out of him. His ears rang, heart hammering too fast, breath hitching.

Galian Beast charged, its growl rising to a roar. The beast and nobody clashed and dodged and circled around each other, saber and horns sparking with each impact.

Cid lurched back to his feet. He thought spear-shaped thoughts while following the fast-paced fight with his eyes. The cold, heavy weight that filled his hand was not the flame spear from Galian Beast, but something sharp and shiny like a mirror. He saw the entirety of the cosmos reflected on the surface of the blade, and when he spun it to test its heft, it left trails of blue and white sparks in its wake, like static in the dark.

The beast howled, spitting fire that lit up the night and scorched the grass. Xaos flitted through the dark, flickering in and out of sight to avoid the flames. Galian Beast could not keep up with his speed, could not move fast enough to avoid the gunshot from behind. It yelped and staggered forward, dripping a shimmering, pearlescent ichor.

" _Hey_ , asshole!"

Before Xaos could close the distance to finish the beast off, Cid leapt through the air, swinging the spear down. Xaos spun, the long red scarf trailing around him, and brought the saber up to block.

Sparks raced down the shadowy blade, sinking into brass gold talons. The claws spasmed, losing their grip, and Xaos jumped away, firing a wide spray of bullets to keep Cid from following. The saber dissolved before it hit the ground.

"To me, beast," Cid called, bracing his feet with the spear gripped loosely in both hands. "Ya still got some fight in ya, right?"

With a grunt, the beast limped to Cid's side, and a little behind him. Cid shifted half a step over to put the beast fully behind himself. He heard the wet slurping noises of the beast licking at its wounds, but did not look back, keeping his gaze on Xaos.

On the far side of the island, Xaos flexed his claws until they no longer jittered. He scoffed, shaking his head. Throwing his gauntleted hand out to the side with one last flex of claws, he called the shadowy saber into being again.

Neither moved, sizing the other up. The night sky shimmered all around them, a million stars twinkling. The water bubbled, then the neon lights of jellyfish making their slow ascent skyward lit up the dark.

"All this shit... it's Vincent's memories. His feelings."

"The time for talk is over, Highwind."

"It's your feelings too."

"I don't have a _heart_ ," Xaos hissed, and blurred across the island, suddenly up in Cid's space. "How can I feel _anything_?"

Only instinct saved Cid from losing his life then and there. He brought the spear up, squinting his eyes shut against the flash of sparks. They skittered across his skin, shivery and cold, but did not hurt. Xaos recoiled from them, however, and gave Cid the opening he needed to press the attack.

Cid drove Xaos back with a series of short jabs, never landing any of them. Always, Xaos managed to deflect or twist away at the last second. Cid's assault became sloppy near the end, and Xaos shoved the spear to the side. Cid found himself staring down the barrel of the gun, too close to dodge. He lifted his gaze from the gun to red eyes with pupils blown wide.

The expected shot never came.

“Bang. You’re dead.”

Recoiling, Cid spat, “Don’t fuck ‘round!”

With hoarse, whispery laughter that crackled and croaked, Xaos spread his hands, shrugging. He backed away, circling to the left. Cid turned in place, teeth grit against the prickle of irritation. Outmatched and being played with…

“Ya don’t… wanna really do me in, do ya?”

The look Xaos gave him was one of pure, unequivocal disgust. An upward curl of his lip revealed one sharp tooth, wrinkling his nose. His eyes narrowed down to slits beneath a furrowed brow. He sucked in a fast breath, tensing.

Xaos raised both hands, the palms turned down, bringing them level to his shoulders out in front of him. He brought them down so quick that the saber made a whistling noise as it cut through the air. All around him, the wind picked up, blowing his hair about wildly. The scarf flapped out behind him, rising, growing ever larger and changing in shape.

Then he jumped high into the air, his new wings flapping once to keep him aloft.

"Oh, hell," Cid muttered.

With the aerial advantage, Xaos could easily stay out of reach and shoot, but no, that wasn't the game. He swooped down at Cid, so fast that he left afterimages. Cid yanked his spear up, staggering to the side. The saber screeched along the blade of the spear as Xaos flew by. He twisted in the air, doubling back for a second pass. And a third. A fourth. All Cid could do was block, and duck, and run, run, run.

Little by little, Xaos wore Cid down. He sank to his knees, panting, barely able to bring his spear up in time as the assault continued.

The roar of the beast broke the charge. Galian Beast lunged up from where it crouched low on the ground. Its jaws snapped shut on one of the red cloth wings, trapping it. The cloth flapped and fluttered wildly, but could not get loose. Xaos twisted his body in a graceful flip as he was yanked to the ground; he landed in a crouch.

Fire came next, billowing up from the beast's throat and between its teeth. The scarf caught fire quickly. Xaos abandoned any attempt at attacking, choosing instead to wriggle loose. The beast shook the burning cloth until it fell to smoldering ashes on the ground between them, growling all the while.

During the distraction, Cid sucked in several deep breaths. He threw himself up to his feet, feeling the swim of blood rushing to his head. The vertigo made him stagger, and he slammed the butt of his spear down to brace himself.

Then he rushed forward to throw himself at Xaos. Couldn't let the nobody lift that monster gun and shoot the beast again. He drew the spear back, swinging it in a wide arc.

One moment, Xaos was there, the next he was gone, wisping away in a flicker of inky black. He reappeared behind Cid, bringing the pommel of the sword down against the back of his head. Groaning, Cid stumbled forward. The pain radiated up into his skull and down the line of his spine. He saw more stars than ever, and it was an effort not to collapse.

Claws settled against the back of his neck, curling so that the tips prickled against the edge of his jaw. The gun pressed against his ribs, forcing him to still.

"Is this all you are?" Xaos murmured against the shell of Cid's ear.

Always letting his guard down to play with Cid. Xaos never saw the beast coming, as it didn't make a sound to announce itself. It barreled into Xaos, horns first. The nobody's breath came out in a hot rush, bones crunching from the sheer force of the impact.

His claws scraped a line of fire across the back of Cid's neck. Blood ran in rivulets, soaking the collar of his shirt. Cid slapped a hand against the wounds, hissing, and spun on his heel to watch. Galian Beast reared up and slammed both of its front claws down on Xaos. Another loud crunch, followed by a gunshot gone wide. The beast pinned his arms and lunged, biting and tearing.

Overhead, the sky began to darken, the lingering jellyfish going dark, tendrils tucked close to their bodies. As the lights faded away, Cid heard a noise like boiling water beneath the beast's snarls. Dread settled like stones in his gut.

"Hey!" Cid shouted. "Get away!!"

Too late. Shadows erupted from Xaos's prone form, streaming up like a geyser gone off. At the highest point, the shadows scattered into shapes like bats. The beast yelped, falling back, and was soon enveloped in the fluttering black shapes.

Total darkness descended. A yawning emptiness engulfed Cid's mind. He felt utterly and totally alone, the warmth of his connection with Galian Beast severed.

Cid stood frozen in place, desperately trying to make sense of the things he heard beneath the frantic thud of his heart. More burbling, the beast's yelps fading away, a crackling and crunching, the snap of something like cloth...

The lights came back abruptly, jellyfish crowding close to the island. Their neon colored glows bobbed gently, lighting very little space around themselves. Large gaps of darkness existed between them.

In one of them, red eyes opened, blazing like embers. Xaos strode forward, into the pale green light of a jellyfish. His form was changed, bigger and hunched over; his hair ran wild down his back, bristly like a mane; his forehead was plated, with long horns jutting forward; his silhouette altered by a lengthy tail dragging behind and expansive wings tucked close to his back.

"...Where's Galian?"

Xaos grinned, showing a mouthful of teeth too big and too sharp for a human-shaped mouth.

The world narrowed to a point. Cid stared, his breathing going shallow and uneven, heart skittering uneasily. All sound dwindled, becoming muffled beneath the rush of blood roaring through his skull. He began to tremble, gritting his teeth as a hot flush stole over his face and crept down his back and chest.

"What... the _fuck is wrong with you_ ," Cid said, his voice a low grumble that stuck in the back of his throat.

Cid always did his best when he was furious. He made a point of being constantly irritated while working just because shouting choice cusswords at any uncooperative project tended to make it go faster. Now, faced with an enemy that had thus far thrashed him at every turn _and_ taken away his one and only companion in the nightmarish hellhole he was trapped in, he felt the hot blaze of genuine fury.

The clouds parted, metaphorically and literally. The stars loomed close, blindingly bright after being in the dark. In his hands, the spear seemed to blaze with cosmic light. Cid swung the point towards Xaos, gripping it in both hands. Red eyes squinted against the light, but the monstrous nobody didn't shy away.

"I'm real fuckin' tired of this bullshit. Come the fuck home."

Xaos's voice was like the crackle of dead leaves underfoot, "I don't have a heart, nor a home, and you are _weak_."

"Weak?! Fuckin' watch me, I'll fuckin' beat your ass black and blue 'till ya see sense."

With a long, wordless yell, Cid charged. Xaos sidestepped, the sharp point of the spear missing him by several inches. He grabbed the shaft of the spear and pulled, twisting to throw Cid, who did not let go. Cid tumbled head over heels through the air and landed several feet away. He was back on his feet in an instant.

Unfortunately, Xaos descended upon him in that instant, knocking him right back down. Claws pinned Cid to the ground, digging into his shoulders and neck, cutting off his air supply. He thrashed as the looming red silhouette of wings filled his rapidly fading vision.

Xaos leaned down, nosing at Cid's cheek almost tenderly even as his grip tightened. "Stay with me..."

The thud of Cid's heart slowed. Between one beat and the next, years of his life stretched taut, on the verge of breaking apart. His life did not flash before his eyes. All he saw was red, red, red--

And the stars.

Their stars formed a halo behind Xaos's head. The north crow's wings curved up from behind his left ear and the sails of the ship that chased it jutted from the other side, the body of the boat a graceful arc barely glimpsed between the lines of shoulder and wing.

_"See, you're a moody ol' crow, like to lead sailors into a storm if they annoy ya."_

_"Is that so? I suppose that makes you the foolish sailor that trusts a bird."_

_"Can't help it. Prettiest fuckin' bird I ever saw."_

With Vincent's quiet laughter echoing in his head, Cid grabbed one of the claws digging into his neck and yanked it backwards, hard as he could. He felt the satisfying crunch of the finger breaking. Xaos pulled his hand back against his belly with a snarl.

The chokehold broken, Cid gasped deeply, choking on precious air. He didn't give the nobody a chance to retaliate, slamming the heel of his palm against Xaos's nose for another satisfying crunch which brought a spray of blood. The scream of rage that followed was cut off by a quick one-two punch to the throat. Xaos doubled over, coughing harshly. Cid shoved him off and rolled away, snatching the spear.

It buzzed in his hand, cold energy coursing up his arm. Reflected in the blade were the two constellations and nothing else, as though none of the other stars existed. Acting on instinct, Cid stood and raised the spear skyward.

The stars of those two constellations blazed brighter, then began to shoot down from the sky. As they descended, they emitted a high whistling noise, which ended in a soft fizzle when they sank into the spear's blade. The sheer amount of energy vibrated through the spear, making Cid's arms and eventually his whole body shake. He could not stop it once it began.

Xaos rose from his awkward crouch, licking blood from his upper lip. He growled, flaring his wings out, and suddenly his hands were filled with gun and saber again. With one great flap of his wings, he shot through the air, flying at Cid at supersonic speeds.

The last star hit the spear the same time that Xaos slammed into Cid. An explosion of light and shadow radiated outwards. The ground shook and cracked apart, lake water rushing in to fill the gaps. Parts of the island began to sink immediately, crumbling away.

And in the middle of it all, Cid stood with his spear holding back the saber, encased in a cold white-blue light. Xaos snarled with the effort of keeping that spear away from himself, but couldn't push back. They were deadlocked.

Until Cid stomped his foot. Circles of light spun out from beneath his foot, growing in size. They circled around Cid at a rapid pace, then rose up, becoming pillars that each contained small balls of light, like stars. Xaos fell back, flying in retreat with the starlit Claymores chasing him. Cid followed, running and jumping to try and slow Xaos down so the Claymores could catch up.

Even with enhancements, Cid wasn’t fast enough to really keep up. He wasn’t skilled enough, either. Vincent had been taught to shoot and fence almost as soon as he could walk, as was the tradition of the hunter families in Saint Avalon. Then he’d gone on to become a military man, further refining his skills. Xaos easily evaded Cid, deflecting blows. He fired at the Claymores, which did nothing, and then he turned that big gun on Cid.

Xaos fired low. Cid scrambled to the right, tripping on the edge of one of the new cracks in the ground. Somehow, he managed not to fall, and he managed to avoid getting his foot shot off.

The distraction of shooting at him slowed Xaos enough that the first Claymore caught up with him. He staggered as the light encased his left foot.

The original design of the Claymores was meant to launch enemies skyward with the upward momentum of the pillar rising quickly, followed by a small explosion. As the starlit ones were already up, they did not launch Xaos, which wouldn't have helped anyway, since he could fly. Instead, they sank into the ground, pinning his limb in a ring of light.

Xaos struggled, trying to get free, and could not, not even when he tried to become a cloud of darkness. The other Claymores piled on shortly after, dragging him to his knees with his hands pinned at either side of him. Four total to hold him, plus two circling restlessly, unable to find a target to latch onto.

"Huh." Cid climbed out of the little gulley, shaking water out of his boots. He approached Xaos slowly, spear resting against his shoulder. "Think I win."

"I don't submit," Xaos snarled.

"Get a grip! Are ya really gonna make me fuckin' kill ya?"

The stubborn jut of Xaos's chin told Cid all he needed to know. Muttering under his breath, Cid sat down heavily, legs folded, and drummed his fingers against the shaft of the spear.

"How the hell I know ya ain't just gonna flit off to some other dream?"

"What would be the point?"

"I don't fuckin' know, man, you're the one refusin' to come the fuck home!"

"I'm not Vincent."

"No, but you're part of him. Think Galian was too, before ya fuckin' ate him or whatever the shit." Cid scoffed. "Still can't believe that shit."

With a flutter of eyelids, Xaos barely concealed an eye roll. "I didn't _eat_ anything."

"Prolly ain't eaten shit for eleven years. Fuck, Vincent's gonna be a goddamn skeleton again."

"If it's so repulsive, then give up." Xaos pulled at the restraints. The Claymores glowed brighter, crackling as they yanked him back down to where they wanted him. "Let us go."

"Nah-uh. Didn't say I wasn't lookin' forward to bein' needed again."

Red eyes squinted at him, like he'd grown another head. Cid tipped his face up towards the stars, his gaze lingering over the absence of the constellations. As far as he could tell, he was just borrowing them, but he wasn't sure how to put them back.

"What... do you mean." The question was asked with extreme reluctance and no small amount of petulance.

Cid grinned a little, but it faded quickly. "The kids're all grown up. Ain't need me fussin' at 'em anymore." He pointed with the spear towards a swirl of yellow and orange stars that stood out amidst all their blue neighbors. "Look, there's the hunter's compass. They're the only constellation that stayed put, when everything started goin' to shit."

"Ridiculous," Xaos muttered.

All the same, he looked up at the stars. Cid pointed out others he hadn't seen in years, naming which of their stars still survived and which didn't outside of dreams.

After a while, Xaos's form shrank. The beast materialized out of the nobody's shadow and limped over to curl up behind Cid. The Claymores continued to keep Xaos prisoner.

As Cid scratched absently at Galian Beast's ears, he continued to talk. "There's the one Sora and his friends called the palm trees, right, and their itty bitty world's the last one left."

"Does it ever get tiring?"

"What?"

"Being so... normal."

"Pssht. I ain't been normal my entire fuckin' life."

"If you won't kill me, then you'd better have an alternate plan."

"Fuck if I know shit about nobodies and heartless 'cept how to get rid of 'em." Cid shrugged a shoulder. "Don't s'pose askin' ya to wake the fuck up'll do anything?"

"I'm trapped in these nightmares, Highwind," Xaos grumbled. "I don't even know how you got _in_."

"Beats me."

They lapsed into silence. Xaos turned his face away, refusing to look at the stars or Cid any longer. Cid rubbed the tacky, blood-caked side of his neck, wincing when his fingers brushed against one of the scratches.

He didn't have any solutions, and that was frustrating enough, but he also didn't know where to even begin. He felt adrift, like the jellyfish that sank slowly back into the water, their bubble-shaped domes rocking gently on the surface for a few moments before vanishing into the depths.

The spear vibrated against his shoulder. Cid eyed it, then lowered it to lay it across his lap so he could study it properly. It still glowed, the missing constellations trapped in the blade.

"...Think I gotta put stuff back."

"What?"

"The stars. And... his heart."

The thing about weapons, Cid figured, was that they were meant for killing. He glanced over at Xaos, frowning, then shook his head resolutely. He refused to give the nobody the satisfaction of being right.

Cid stood up and paced around Xaos, tapping the spear against his shoulder while he thought. Galian Beast lifted its head, but remained where it lay, watching with vague curiosity. Even the nobody shifted around, turning as much as he could to keep an eye on Cid.

"Can ya see them?" Cid stopped in front of Xaos and presented the flat of the blade.

"What are--" 

Xaos looked down at the blade. His eyes went wide, mouth hanging open. Then his whole body shuddered, and he doubled over, gasping.

The spear glowed, blindingly white, then pink, and finally red. Cid shut his eyes against it, threw his free hand over his face. His other hand gripped the shaft so tight it hurt, and he couldn't seem to let go. The weapon's vibration tripled until it made his whole arm shake side to side.

A hissing sound and Galian Beast's warning growl made Cid crack one eye open the barest sliver. He saw the shape of a pink heart slowly rising up from the spear, spinning lazily. Beyond that, the sky was filled with falling stars. They streaked down towards the lake and hit the water with loud splashes before fizzling out.

The heart floated forward, then sank down. Xaos screamed when it sank into his back, as though burned. He jerked upright, struggling against the Claymores to no avail.

"Letmego, let me go, let me--" His voice became croaky with pain, choked off as tears ran down his cheeks. "I don't-- I--"

Galian Beast got up, walking past Cid with a stiff-legged stride. It paused near Xaos, looking back over its shoulder at Cid. Then it lowered its head to nose at the side of the nobody’s face. On contact, the beasts form faded, the shimmer of lights sinking into Xaos. He groaned and shook for it.

The spear shattered into pieces. The shards fell to the ground and dissolved into sparkles of soft white light. As the power faded away, so did the Claymores. Xaos grabbed at his chest, wheezing.

Cid shook his hand out, flexing the fingers, then knelt in front of Xaos. Gently, he caught the nobody's face in his hands, swiping away the tears.

"Hey, now, c'mon, you're okay, right?"

"It hurts." Xaos's voice was so low and wretched. "I didn't want this... It's... It's so heavy."

"Lemme help ya." Cid pulled Xaos into a hug. "Come home."

Xaos sank into the embrace, clinging for all he was worth. He buried his damp face against Cid's chest. "Wake... wake up. Cid, please. _Wake up_."


	17. life was so simple

Sunlight on his face made Cid grumble and roll over. The weight of another body in his narrow bed caught him by surprise. He blinked his eyes open, then groaned at the stab of light to his eyes. Only a little relief could be found by shoving the heels of his palms against his eye sockets; the damage was already done.

The other occupant of the bed shifted. A moment later, blankets were pulled up, over Cid's head, sheltering him. Cid cracked an eye open slowly, swiping his hand to the side and up against his temple. He met a sleepy, red-eyed gaze, and for a moment, couldn't place why it was strange.

Vincent's voice was low and husky, a little croaky from disuse. "Are we... awake?" he asked.

Everything in the dreams felt real. Cid still recalled every injury, every death with perfect clarity. The back of his neck stung with phantom sensation, though when he rubbed his hand against it, he found no claw marks.

"Don't think pinchin' ourselves'll do any good."

"No."

Cid grinned mischievously. "We could fuck--"

" _No_." Vincent sat up, taking the blankets with him.

"Aw, c'mon, I always wake up before the good bits..."

For that, Vincent yanked the blankets off the bed entirely as he slid off the bed. Then he dumped them on Cid's head in one big lumpy heap. Cid laughed, pawing them out of the way.

Vincent stood on wobbly legs, facing away from the bed with his back ramrod straight. He looked around the small room in silence. The clothes he wore were the same he'd worn when Cid last saw him -- the tattered red scarf, the dark blue guard outfit, the boots, the white glove on one hand and brass gold gauntlet on the other. Despite Cid's half-joke, half-genuine concern that Vincent would come back starved, the man didn't look like he'd changed one bit since that final day.

The only difference lay in the way Vincent glanced over his shoulder at Cid, tense and flustered and not quite meeting his gaze. Not the least bit like the cold, untouchable aura Xaos had.

"Where's the bathroom?"

"Across the hall."

With a nod, Vincent left the bedroom. Cid heard the click of the bathroom door shutting, then the sound of running water. Vincent always turned the taps on first, both to warm the water up ahead of time and to muffle the sounds of him using the privy.

Stupid little charming things he'd forgotten about. He hoped they weren't dreaming.

Cid got up and changed. The minute Vincent stepped out of the bathroom, Cid brushed past him to make use of it. While he was in there, Vincent wandered slowly through the tiny little house, exploring. When Cid came back out, he found Vincent standing by the window that looked out on the street.

"This place is from your dreams."

"Yeah. Welcome to Radiant Garden, formerly Hollow Bastion."

Vincent said nothing, resting his forehead against the window pane. He folded his arms, curling fingers and gauntleted laws against his sides.

"Ya want some breakfast? I uh... Got sandwich fixin's?"

"How will we know this is not a dream, Cid?"

"Uhh... Fuck, Iunno, Vince." Cid scratched the back of his head. "We could just... live it out, wait'll things get fuckin' weird."

"And be terribly disappointed."

"Pssht. Dreamin' or not, we'll be in it together, right?"

That made Vincent straighten and turn towards Cid. He tilted his head, considering, then nodded. "...Are sandwiches _really_ all you have?"

"Listen, I been moonlightin' as a lonely bachelor with no pretty fiancée or kids to cook for, so fuck off."

Vincent glanced sidelong at the picture of Cid and the kids in Traverse Town. "They really all grew up?"

"...Yeah. Eleven years."

"I want to see." Vincent tucked his chin into his scarf. "The city and everything changed."

"Okay, sure."

Almost eleven years apart and they fell into familiar routine like they'd never been separated. It was surreal. Dreams were like that, everything seemingly normal until retrospect. Cid's heart gave a painful lurch and he scuffed his bare heel against the floor, looking away.

"Uh... Can I-- uh, touch ya?"

Vincent lifted his gloved hand, wordless. Cid stepped close, taking it in both hands. It felt real enough, supple leather over long, slender fingers. Cid ran his own along the length of the glove, snagging the cuff's edge from where it lay against Vincent's forearm. He pulled the glove off carefully to reveal pale, slightly clammy skin beneath. He held the glove against his side with his elbow so he wouldn’t drop it.

The lifeline of the palm had a jagged scar slashed through it, just as Cid remembered. He rubbed his thumb against it, then laced their fingers together.

" _Fuck_." Cid felt his throat closing up and his eyes stinging.

"Feels real enough," Vincent observed.

Then he closed the distance, settling his gauntleted arm against Cid's lower back. Cid threw his free arm around Vincent's shoulders, clinging tight. He buried his face against the taller man's collar bone, with lumpy layers of scarf between them.

"Don't get snot all over me already..."

Cid croaked, "Shut up."

Vincent hummed, nosing at Cid's temple. "As you wish, Highwind."

" _No_." Cid squeezed their hands together a little tighter as he pulled back just enough to look up into Vincent's face. "I wanna hear ya bitchin' 'bout shitty prose, bein' sarcastic 'bout everything, tellin' me 'bout the weird shit I never woulda thought twice 'bout, the whole fuckin' lot of it."

"Feed me," Vincent said, squinting his eyes nearly closed, "and I shall try not to disappoint."

With a laugh, Cid nodded. "Yeah, alright, c'mon, we'll get somethin' at the market."

He reluctantly let Vincent go in order to go pull his shoes and jacket on. Then they spilled out into the warm, early afternoon sun, blinking until their eyes adjusted. Vincent slipped his hand back into Cid's, not looking and not saying anything, but the slightest tremor gave away his nerves.

Cid pulled him along, heading for the market. No one else was out on the street, but a few Claymores buzzed by.

"Those are--?"

"Called Claymores. Made 'em myself. They knock heartless and shit up into the air, set off an alarm."

"So they don't normally shackle demonic personas," Vincent said, dryly.

"Nah-uh." Cid grinned. "Not a bad idea though. Could be better'n flingin' shit willy-nilly."

"Ciiiiiid!" Yuffie's voice, yelling from atop one of the walls near the bailey. She waved her arm in wide arcs above her head. Her long bandana trailed in the wind. "OH! Is that--!?"

She leaned too far forward and lost her balance with a yelp. Cid never saw Vincent move, only felt his grip shaken off, followed by the rush of wind. A flicker of red and shadows, and then Vincent caught Yuffie before she hit the pavement.

Her ear-splitting scream made Vincent recoil and nearly drop her. It also brought Leon and Cloud sprinting up the street, their weapons drawn. Cid put himself between them and Vincent, hands up.

"Woah, woah, everybody calm down!"

Leon and Cloud drew up short, lowering their weapons. They both stared at Vincent, their faces going pale. Leon's eyes widened, mouth opening. Cloud looked even more shaken, badly enough that the grip on his massive sword slipped til the tip hit the ground with a clunk.

"Vin--?" Cloud whispered.

"Vinny!" Yuffie whooped. "You're _back_!" She threw one arm around his neck, squeezing tight, and then smacked him upside the head. "You scared us, taking so long, geez."

"...Sorry." Vincent gingerly pried himself free of her grip, setting her down as if she were easily broken.

"When did he get back?" Leon asked, holstering his gunblade.

Cid shrugged a shoulder. "Just now. Was gonna get somethin' to eat before doin' the whole reunion spiel, right?"

Nodding, Leon glanced over the rest of the group. Cloud slung his massive sword on his back, then approached Vincent, slow and cautious. Cid stepped aside to let the younger blond pass. Even Yuffie backed off. They all remembered Cloud showing up in Vincent's scarf, tainted by darkness but not lost to it.

"Cloud," Vincent murmured.

"Vincent... Thank you. For everything."

Vincent shook his head slightly, eyes sliding closed. And that was it, the two just stood there for a long moment, saying nothing else.

Yuffie huffed, spreading her feet and putting her fists on her hips. "Is that all!?"

Leon put his face in his palm with a sigh. The combination of gloved hand and too long hair hid the fact that he was rolling his eyes, but they all knew him well enough by then to know he was doing it.

Cid snorted, waving both hands down dismissively. "Y'all idiots. C'mon, Valentine, I'm hungry."

"We've got to finish patrolling," Leon said. "See you later." As he started walking, Cloud fell in step with him. He snagged Yuffie by the arm on the way by, muttering, "C'mon, you too," over her weak protests.

Vincent turned to watch them go. When they vanished around the corner, he faced Cid again. "Tifa?"

"She's 'round here somewhere. Aerith, too, 'course."

As they walked on, leaving the Borough, Cid spotted Aerith inside one of the greenhouses lining the road near the stairs leading up to the marketplace. He slowed to point her out. Vincent stopped entirely, watching her through the fogged glass for a moment.

"Most our growin's gotta be done with climate control now," Cid explained. "'Cept the shit like apples."

"Why?"

"World ain't in good shape."

Vincent nodded, once, then tucked his chin into his scarf. "And meat?"

"Got lucky and found some loose critters. Pigs and the like." Cid gestured down the narrow road between the greenhouses, which led to a gate. "Farms're on the other side of the wall. We can check 'em out later, if ya wanna."

"No wild game?"

"Don't much leave the safety of the city. S'all fucked up." Rubbing at his chin, Cid frowned over at Vincent. "Ain't sayin' ya gotta take up guard duty or nothin', but it'll be good to have the help. Lotta shit needs doin', and it ain't all glorious."

Vincent met Cid's gaze with a slight incline of his head. "I don't mind, as long as you'll have me."

"Ain't leavin' ya behind ever again." Cid stuck his hand out, palm up. He grinned, feeling warm and fluttery when Vincent took it, squeezing once. "So c'mon, food, then I got somethin' I oughta show ya before the rest of the tour."

The market bustled with the lunch crowd, such as it was. Scrooge and his nephews were making a dime on ice cream and other sundries, owing to the heat rising in shimmering waves off the pavement. The usual food tents were up in the square, feeding construction workers sandwiches and fried food. Someone else had smokers going, filling the square with the delectable smell of slow cooked meats.

"Any idea whatcha wanna eat?"

"No," Vincent admitted, shying towards the shade of a building, out of the way of passersby. "Do we have to eat here?"

"Nah-uh. Ya want me to grab somethin' and we'll go?"

"Please."

"Alright, uh... don't... don't go nowhere, okay?"

"I won't."

Cid sucked in a sharp breath, nodded, and hurried down into the square. He kept glancing back now and then to reassure himself that Vincent and his bright red scarf hadn't gone anywhere. Luckily, the lines were all but done for the day, so Cid managed to get brisket sandwiches, fried potatoes, two big bottles of green tea, and a half pound of raspberries in short order.

"Hey, Cid!" Tifa called, waving from one of the long benches. "Not sticking around for lunch?"

"Nah, got company. Ya oughta come see him."

"Huh? Okay, gimme a sec..." She gathered her leftovers, wrapping them up deftly to stow them in her bag. Then she got up with a lazy stretch. "I have to get back to work in a few minutes, though."

"We won't keep ya," Cid promised.

When Cid came back, Vincent touched his shoulder in wordless reassurance. Cid flashed a grin at him, stepping aside. Vincent had a split second to realize who the woman following Cid was.

"Vincent!" Tifa barreled into the tall man, picking him up in a crushing hug like he weighed nothing. "Oh my gosh, you're alive!!"

"...Tifa," Vincent wheezed.

"Oh, sorry."

After being set back down and released, Vincent ran his hand down his side, smoothing out his uniform. He didn't meet her gaze, even going so far as to tuck his face almost entirely into his scarf, hiding behind his hair when she leaned down and forward to peer up at him.

"Where've you been?"

"Trapped in an eternal nightmare."

"That's... Really? That's awful!" Tifa straightened, turning towards Cid. "Have you been hiding him?"

"No way, Tifa."

"Well... I'm glad you're okay, Vincent. I wanted to thank you properly, for what you did. For saving me. And Cloud! Have you seen him?"

Vincent nodded.

"He's so moody now." Tifa sighed, smiling fondly. "Suppose he takes after you."

"I fail to see how."

Cid snickered into his fist, glancing away. Tifa rolled her eyes. In the background, a long, shrill whistle sounded, indicating the end of the lunch break.

"Okay, guys, I gotta get back to work. Don't be strangers!"

"Sure thing, Teef."

She waved, then hurried off, her long hair swinging behind her. Cid watched her go, then looked over at Vincent, who stood statue still with his face still buried in his scarf.

"Ya okay, Vince?"

"They... both look healthy," Vincent said at length. "I have never dared dream such a thing."

"Feels pretty fuckin' great, right?"

"...Yes."

Cid jostled their shoulders together, beaming. Vincent sighed, but leaned into it, and when Cid grabbed his hand to pull him along, away from the departing crowds, he didn't resist.

They left the market, cutting back through the Borough. Merlin waved cheerily as they passed; Cid returned the wave, but didn't slow. He was hungry and they had one more stop to make.

At the other end of the Borough, behind a heavy iron door, there lay a short, narrow tunnel lit by candles. It led to an old courtyard lined with gnarled old apple trees and stubborn, thorny rose bushes. It used to belong to some wealthy noble or another. The mansion was long gone, its wreckage cleared away to make room for the memorials.

The largest of them was a huge slab of stone carved with all the names anyone could remember, with space for more on the other side. Some folks had set up smaller, personal shrines for their missing families. Then there were graves for the more recently deceased scattered in neat rows on either side.

"We ain't been able to clear out to the graveyard," Cid said. "So we set somethin' else up for now."

Cid led Vincent to the big slab, guiding his hand to the names carved on it. One of the first things Cid put down were the names of all the kids from the orphanage he could remember, even the ones that didn't visit him often, or snubbed him, like Lea and Isa, or the ones that got adopted, like Ienzo.

And near that...

Vincent's fingers lingered over Lucrecia's name, right beside his own. Below that, Cid carved a cluster of stars. "This is..."

"I couldn't remember your kid's name, sorry."

"But you remembered his birth constellation." Vincent rested his forehead against the slab, eyes fluttering closed. "...Thank you."

"Sure." Cid nudged the back of his knuckles against Vincent's shoulder. "Gonna give ya some space."

Cid wandered back towards the tunnel to sit on the grass and wait. He leaned back against the wall with the food in his lap and his arms loosely folded over his belly. The sky overhead was mostly bereft of clouds, but the occasional bird flew by.

Eleven years was a long time to neglect a grave. Vincent stayed at the memorial for almost an hour, talking quietly to his dead loved ones. Perhaps he filled them in on all the things that had happened since his last visit, or perhaps he uttered a litany of apologies for failing his duty as husband and father. Cid only made out the distant murmur of his voice, none of the words. The cadence lulled him into a light sleep.

"Cid."

He started awake with a snort, squinting up at Vincent. "...Uh."

"Sorry to keep you waiting."

"Uh," Cid repeated. He cleared his throat and scrambled to his feet. "Nah, s'fine." He glanced around, rubbing the back of his hand against his face. "Hey, I didn't wake up somewhere else."

"You didn't."

"Right on. Ya all done here?"

"Yes."

"Let's go eat!"

Cid led Vincent back through the tunnel, making sure the door got properly shut and locked behind them. Then he took the other man through some twisting alleys through the Borough, passing through a couple of wooden gates to cross through backyards. They came to a section of wall not many knew how to get to, with stairs that took them to the top of it. The wall overlooked another district of the city, currently under repairs.

"Ya can see the farms from up here," Cid said, pointing them out to the east. "We're fixin' everything past that still. And over here..."

He walked the length of the wall until they found a couple of thick planks of wood secured by ropes and the weight of heavy bricks. The makeshift bridge connected to a tall, slightly crooked tower with a domed roof made of steel bars and reinforced stained glass.

Vincent stood at the foot of the bridge, staring. "The observatory..."

"Telescope's long gone, but the tower's good." Cid shifted from foot to foot. "I can't... take ya out to our island yet, so..."

"I expect the stars look fine from here, Cid."

That brought a grin to Cid's face. "Yeah!"

One at a time, they crossed the bridge, entering the tower through the gap in the dome where the telescope used to jut out. They sat shoulder-to-shoulder in the middle of the empty round room with the sunshine slanting through the stained glass, casting a myriad of color down on them. Even cold, their sandwiches were good.

After, they stretched out on the floor, drowsy and warm but neither wanting to sleep. Cid filled the silence with stories of the things Vincent missed--of mishaps and adventures, of friends not yet introduced, of keyblade wielders, and the sky slowly filling up with stars again.

When Cid's voice became too croaky to speak anymore, Vincent traced his fingers against Cid's cheek and down the line of his neck, following the jigsaw of colored light over tanned skin. "If this is a dream... I don't want to wake from it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> If you'd like, [here's the playlist of songs I wrote this fic to](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLiYx4kiprvPOPhozHsfQneosHdi856DZt).


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